Feeling empty and lost

This is how I felt when my first marriage failed but I knew I had to leave him. Today they would call it coercive control. Also he was visiting gay bars so had married to please his parents but preferred men.
I went on to meet someone else and been with him over 40 years now.
You will meet someone new and have a happier life xx

Sad to hear that you're going through a tough time the moment. This is temporary and things will start to get better.
Lots of useful comments on here already about loving yourself and giving yourself time to heal.
With regard to your dog, have you tried the Dogs Trust? They can re-home your dog till you're able to reunite.
I hope staying at your mum's works out, a women's refuge is an alternative; they don't just provide accommodation, the staff there provide a lot of support to get you back on your feet. I don't know how old your son is, but most refuges take boys up to the age of 12-14 years old.
Don't lose hope, you will come through this well. xx

Sandy 2020 - sorry you're in this situation. Feeling lost and lonely when a relationship ends whether by death or otherwise is perfectly natural and dealing with that is also something that most people can manage. But, where there are multiple losses involved as in your case, the feeling of grief for the loss of the person or relationship becomes complicated and it's a good idea to seek professional help. You have big changes in your life now because you're going back to your mother's home, and you're losing your dog as well as your partner. And you may also be grieving the loss of your first marriage without knowing it. So please see your GP and tell her/him that you are feeling very low but don't want medication and would like to be offered counselling. The NHS provides 6 weeks of counselling through the AIPT service accessible via your GP. You now need to spend some time considering yourself, who you are and what you want out of life, and how you function in a relationship. This counselling will help you to consider your identity, and your new identity and then when you're stronger you can think about where you go from there - it doesn't have to be in a new relationship with a man, it may be as part of a range of different groups, and then later you may find the closeness you might want. Good luck.

it's hard. however, it will give you the chance to look inward and find out what you want. one thing i learned was that you can't base happiness on a person and what you want him to be. base it on yourself and what you want to be. good luck.

Very sad to read your post I hope things get better when you re adjust eventually as you are grieving a loss at the moment, you must be a very strong person to do something about the situation like you have,

gillione, unimaginable to hijack a thread start your own!!!

O2O5s I'm very sorry to hear that you lost your dog last year. I'd like to suggest that as soon as you are ready you contact your local refuge. There will be some dogs who have lost their owners through no fault of their own and you can ask to be notified when such a dog is admitted. Another alternative if you want a specific breed is to contact the breed rescue society. We once found a Westie through their group - he had to be rehomed because a child had developed asthma and their doctor told the parents that the dog was a contributing factor. He was 6 years old and it only took 2 weeks for him to become friends with our other dog. Less time than that for him to settle down with us.

We are looking to get a dog, we miss ours, she had to be put down. What type of dog do you have?

It feels hard I’m sure but please don’t measure your happiness on meeting someone else, although if it’s right..yay!
Take it a day at a time, feeling in control of your life and enjoying your freedom.
You will be absolutely fine and time (as they say) will mend the past.
Take your new life on rather than feel its being done to you. All the very best..

I found mindfulness relaxation classes an absolute godsend in times of difficulty it’s a really gentle way of reconnecting with yourself and what you want for yourself. It’s normally 30 mins long and you just lie down and listen to the lady. It’s the best tonic ever. Search in your area and try it as it will certainly be a good step to start x

Very sorry. Life can be very tough. Let us all give you strength. Sometimes you have to let yourself go down there and slowly bring yourself up. I do hope you can still see your dog. At the very least. Of course home shelter and security come first and your mums giving you that. You’ll come out the other side wiser and stronger in time.

Hi Sandy.. I feel for you as it's the time around separation can be very hard. That song 'Shup up and drive' says it all though. Wish I'd heard it before.

Are you able to get away at all? A week in the sun with a friend best but just geographically away can clear your mind a lot

gillione, I think you've posted in the wrong place but if you started a new thread in the right place, you are bound to get a load of replies...and I'll be watching them because I'd like to know too.

SANDY2020, it is terribly sad when a relationship doesn't work out like you want it to but in the long run you will be far happier once you've done your grieving. I hope you can still see your dog who will always love you even if you can't be with them permanently and you will know that you have done your best for them.
When you get your finances sorted, my advice (as somebody who returned to Mum in similar circumstances) is to use some of your extra money to be able to join groups to make new friends and get socialising. If you are under 60 there might be a group called the Pink Hatters and, for over 60's, there is the Red Hatters. They are women who do lots of things together which would give you the space to have fun without seeking out the opposite sex until you know what it is you are looking for.

gillione you don't need a device. You should have had advice from a nurse on how to do it. Best done sitting or lying down.
You squeeze as if trying not to wet yourself or wee and at the same time squeeze so as not to poo. Hold it all squeezed and count for 10 seconds as in
one elephant
two elephants
etc.

You then relax it after 10 seconds and do it all again, holding 10 seconds.
It can be tiring to begin with but you should work up to doing it 10 times. These are the slow ones.

You also need to then do 10 fast, just do the squeeze of both bits and then let go. 10 times. Not hold these.

I was told, for general health and bladder health, to do these 3 times a day. I found remembering and wanting to a chore but everyone should do them really, especially during and after childbirth.

www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/womens-health/what-are-pelvic-floor-exercises/

Lots of great advise already given on here.. just self care for a while don’t fill your head about getting into another relationship.
But please remember your poor doggy and go and visit him I know you said he’s going to a loving home but still your his family and at first he will feel abandon and miss you all so visits will help him settle in until he feels confortable.

Don't focus on what you are losing (or have already lost). Your move will allow new possibilities.

You'll have the chance to be your true self and follow your own interests, try new things and meet new people. We never know what's just around the corner.

It will be easier if you view living with your mother as a temporary arrangement.

I don't understand. You are not saying anyone about not having your son with you. Surely he is more important than your dog. Sorry if I have got this wrong. Hope it all works out for you.

Thanks all and gillybeans I may just pm u later thanks xx

Sorry...I miss read. I thought it was you going to uni. Apologies

Sorry you are going through this but you are a woman and you will come through to the other side stronger and more confident. Give yourself time to grieve the end of a relationship. Learn to live without another half. When you are ready get out and see what is out there for you which furs in with your life. I have made some lovely friends by joining the WI. It’s not jam and Jerusalem. If you read find a book group: join a walking group: go to the library: go swimming. If you are really low, get help. You will win!!!

The messages help alot ta x

I do understand how you feel. When a relationship breaks down, you feel you have failed in some way. Our society is geared for couples, not people on their own.
You just need to take time out and spoil yourself for a while. Indulge and don't feel guilty about it.

You don’t need a man to be happy
Think of yourself first as broken women steady broken men
Het strong and healthy in mind and body before you even think of another relationship

No one would make Me give my Dog away.No one.

There has often got to be a painful ending before a new beginning can take place in life, and emotions take time to settle and heal. I agree that it's a shame you cannot keep your dog, they can often provide loyal companionship when everything else around you feels so grim. I once stood in a similar place emotionally as you are now, with three young daughters and a 10year failed and unhappy marriage l was desperate to move on and be in a better place, but a new relationship was the last thing on my mind at the time. After a few months, l plucked up the courage to attend a local Halloween party organised by one of my neighbours in a local community room. I sat feeling quite awkward, when a man in his mid 40s came over to talk to me, l was 29 at the time, and he said he thought he recognised me from a job he was working on as a joiner a few weeks before. It turned out to be a small world, and my cousin was his boss at work. The following week, my cousin called me, he said that Bill was himself going through a divorce through his wife's adultery, and he had asked for my phone number. On Christmas day, Bill asked me to marry him, the following February l became his wife, we has two Daughters together, and last week he celebrated his 80th Birthday, and we are still married, having found love when both of us were in such a bad place emotionally, and least expected this to happen as quickly and out of the blue as it did. Take each day at a time, love and companionship can often come along when we least expect it to, and happiness will return to your life given time.

Sending hugs x