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Feeling empty and lost

(77 Posts)
SANDY2020 Sat 18-Jan-20 23:57:55

Finally got a date to leave a crap partner moving in with mum my son lives with his dad and will be going to uni in sept and apart from a work...I dont mind my job min wage butpays Bill's I'm feeling so lonely and scared I'm having to get rid of my beloved dog to live at mums she doesn't like has to be done as I cannot afford my own place shes going to a good friend happy home so I know she will be ok and I'm looking forward to been free and having some money for myself sharing costs with my mum will enable holidays etc but I just feel so lonely all my Hope's of this relationship and what I wanted it to be have failed I feel lonely lost and empty loseing my dog wont help bit it's how it has to be how do you ever rebuild meet someone new he happy again it's so hard

Witzend Sun 19-Jan-20 00:13:05

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so,low, Sandy2020. It must be so hard, especially having to part with your dog. I do hope you’ll still be able to visit her.
Maybe you’ll feel a little bit better when you’ve actually made the move - I’m assuming you get on Ok with your mum.
Just off to bed now but sending all very best wishes, 💐💐 and a 🍷or two. x

Dec46 Sun 19-Jan-20 00:51:13

Thinking of you and wishing you well for your future.Try not to think of looking for someone new and just try and concentrate on trying to find things to do that will bring some pleasure into your life without needing to be in a relationship.
I do hope you can keep taking your dog out for walks as that will definitely help
Just believe life will get better because this can happen and is so much better than being with someone who treats you badly.xx

Sussexborn Sun 19-Jan-20 01:00:06

Sorry to hear about your troubles. There was a thread recently about all sorts of activities and ways to get out and about which might help you to start living a good life once more. I hope someone can find it for you. I’m off to take a pain pill and hopefully get a few hours 😴 💤

vampirequeen Sun 19-Jan-20 08:33:36

" ... all my Hope's of this relationship and what I wanted it to be have failed"

You're grieving for what might have been. This is perfectly natural. We don't enter relationships expecting them to fail. You're also adapting to massive changes. You've moved house and started a new job. Both are stress factors. Now you need to rehome your dog. No wonder you feel the way you do. So many changes plus grief for the relationship.

Give yourself time just as you would if someone you loved had passed away. You have a lot of new things to adapt to.

sodapop Sun 19-Jan-20 09:14:58

I'm sorry you have had such problems Sandy but things will get better I'm sure. You will be so much happier with your Mum away from your ex partner. It's sad you had to rehome your dog but she has got a loving home as well. Look to the future now and enjoy your life, lots of good things out there. Good luck.

gillione Sun 19-Jan-20 09:20:05

I had a hysterectomy 5 days ago and have to do pelvic floor exercises. I'm struggling to do them. I've looked on internet and there are lots of devices that you can buy to help. I don't want to waste money as some of them are quite expensive. Just wondering if anyone has bought one .

McGilchrist41 Sun 19-Jan-20 09:20:06

So sorry for the situation you find yourself in. It will take some time to adjust to your new life but you now have to carry on as best you can. It will get better but it will take some time and heartache in between.

NannyJan53 Sun 19-Jan-20 09:28:42

I had to do this in 2011. Moved in with Mum. I was there for about 18 months.

As Dec46 says, don't think about looking for someone else at the moment, just look at finding activities that you want to do.

Join groups that interest you ie Walking, where you can make new like minded friends.

I know it isn't easy, but look on this as a new exciting chapter in your life with endless possibilities.

Wishing you all the best for the future.

TrendyNannie6 Sun 19-Jan-20 09:45:29

Sorry to hear you are feeling low, but try and look for the positives you are going to leave an unhappy relationship, you have a job, you have somewhere to go to live, living with your mum, sad that you are having to rehire your dog, but it sounds as if will be going to a good home with your friend, you are looking forward to being free and have money to yourself exactly Sandy2020. You are bound to feel sad that your relationship didn’t work out, that’s natural I think everyone feels that when a relationship breaks down, everyone that goes into a relationship hopes it will work, but sadly that’s life, I wouldn’t even think of meeting anyone new yet, I’d work on all the other things first, getting your life sorted meeting people doing fun things, join groups etc look to the future, and good luck

TrendyNannie6 Sun 19-Jan-20 09:45:55

Rehome not rehire

Graygirl Sun 19-Jan-20 09:49:25

To quote a friend, You are not fit for human consumption for a minimum of 12 months you need to learn to love yourself ,enjoy being you ,

Saggi Sun 19-Jan-20 09:57:36

You don’t need a new relationship. Concentrate tmon you , and your sons progress through university. So sorry you had to give over your dog... bigger loss as far as I’m concerned.

0205s Sun 19-Jan-20 09:59:50

So sad to hear year story
I lost my hubby a few years ago and my dog had to be put to sleep last year so I get very lonely too
Is there a gransnet group near you? Maybe you could join and make some new friends
You can never have too many friends to help you through the loneliness
Good luck and best wishes. Sending you a big hug xx

Beanie654321 Sun 19-Jan-20 10:07:08

Dont worry once settled things will improve. You will go through the grieving process of loss. When you walk out the relief will be immense. Seeing an unknown future is scary, but you know you can do this as you are already on the first step. Good luck and never forget you are alot stronger than you think.

LJP1 Sun 19-Jan-20 10:08:52

Grieving for a lost relationship and all its abandoned hopes is very difficult. Is there no way you could keep your dog? That would give you some continuity.

Good luck for the future in this new year. Things do settle and you will find new opportunities. flowers

Jaycee5 Sun 19-Jan-20 10:11:57

Be kind and patient with yourself. It is a major change and as others have said, you have to grieve for the life you thought you were going to have. That all takes time. Start looking at things that are available to do in the vicinity but don't put pressure on yourself to do them straight away and don't expect to necessarily enjoy the first one that you go to. Think of this period as a transition period. You haven't left yet but when you do, you will hopefully feel relief as well as feeling down.
My Council has local walks that people can just go along to, some for slow walkers and some not. There are also local talks which I tried for a while some of which were really interesting. If you like crafts, there are usually local groups that you can go along to occasionally.
Even if you just spend a little time watching TV with your mother, your body is recovering from the stress you have been through.
Good luck.

Gaunt47 Sun 19-Jan-20 10:13:51

As others have said, concentrate on yourself. Do not define yourself through a relationship but find yourself. Take one day at a time, literally, be glad at the end of a day that you've got yourself to work and home again.
Celebrate small things. These will add up and turn into a new life for you. Take time to explore new routines and interests.
Very best wishes for your new life. Good luck!

Classic Sun 19-Jan-20 10:15:04

Have you asked your mum about your dog, as a mum of 5 myself, I would want the happiness of my children above everything, which if I knew one of my children were desperate to keep their dog, I would understand that it's what they need to hang onto after everything else has gone wrong. Talk to your mum, Hope things pick up this year, nee start new life, x

Dinahmo Sun 19-Jan-20 10:16:22

gillione My yoga teacher gave us a pelvic floor exercise this week. We placed a block between our thighs, squeezed hard and held for 10 counts, then relaxed. Repeat a few times. If you don't have a block as is used in yoga then I guess a plastic bottle filled with water would do the trick. We are a small group of 60 plus and she is going to show us some more exercises. When she does I'll post them on here.

Gillybeans Sun 19-Jan-20 10:20:56

Hi Sandy2020...never wrote on one of these before ..but i left my husband after 28 years of marriage ..we were married young and had just drifted apart it was one on the hardest things i have ever had to do.
I rented a small horrible house and i think i hit rock bottom it was so hard getting up every day going into work I was so lonely and scared.
I will be honest it took me 4 years to feel myself again whats the saying I found myself lol ...but with friends who were my life line and family i got up and started to live again.
I didn't have much money but got out of the horrible house and went out I started to walk again it was great made me feel so much better.
Its now 6 years and i have met someone which i never ever thought would happen life is good but it takes time sometimes lots of time.
I hope things work out for you and i am here if you ever need to chat.


Davida1968 Sun 19-Jan-20 10:22:08

It's worth reading the comments under this YouTube song, "Shut up and Drive" by Chely Wright. There's a wonderful line: "and you'll only miss the man, that you wanted him to be" Wise words.
Wishing you good, luck and every happiness in the future.

grannymy Sun 19-Jan-20 10:22:55

I'd definitely ask my mum about having the dog with you. Look after yourself. Join a walking group. It was a godsend to me. Take each day as it comes. You will get stronger xx

Ginny42 Sun 19-Jan-20 10:26:19

I understand it's hard for you to see positives at the moment, but first you have to grieve the loss of what you thought your future would be and then I would say, love yourself enough to refuse to allow it to define you for the rest of your life.

It happened to me in very distressing circumstances, and I thought my life wasn't worth living without him. Wrong! All kinds of things have happened to improve my life. It's very scary, but with support you will do this. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell the 'girl' looking back at you that she can do this. You're down, but not out! Tiny steps, one day at a time. Hugs.

Dinahmo Sun 19-Jan-20 10:27:18

Several years ago a gay friend left an abusive relationship. She joined a local group of Buddhists - I don't know how or why except that it helped her (not saying that you should do that) She also joined the University of the third age (U3A) and found groups with similar interests and also tried some new ones. Through this she made new friends. Her life improved greatly.

i wish you luck and maybe one day you'll get your dog back.