Things that weren't funny at the time, but you can laugh about now?

In the early seventies I was the English secretary of a big film producer in Rome.

Unfortunately, my salary had been removed from my bag while I was out of my office one day.

When the next pay day came along, I decided to take precautions.

My boss called me into his office where he was talking with some important clients from America.

As I sashayed in (I was wearing a fashionable miniskirt and tights), I saw my boss staring in horror at my legs. I glanced down to see a fan of banknotes clinging lovingly to my thigh, behind my sheer tights.

I had put my whole salary in my knickers for safety and it had slipped down.

Of course, I backed out again doublequick. He never mentioned it, to do him credit. I guess in the film world you see all sorts.

Here’s another weak bladder embarrassment.

I was about eight months pregnant and we had moved into a house which needed a lot of renovation done.

One lovely spring morning I drove my older children to school and when I got back the builder wanted to discuss guttering, so we walked up onto the lawn for a better view, I sneezed about three times in quick succession, and literally wet myself! So I’m stood there with wee pouring down my legs, discussing the merits of plastic guttering.

We were standing on grass, and I had on a billowing sundress, I’m not sure if he genuinely didn’t notice, or tactfully kept quiet!

Sorry Coolgran my final sentence should have read "you set the scene so well"

Coolgran - your story really made me laugh. It seems so wrong to find the situation funny but you set the so well!

Coolgran65. Black humour, indeed, but so funny. Your story reminded me of when my husband had his stroke. In his confused state he kept thinking that the bed control buttons were the tv remote. He kept on randomly pressing them. It was almost like watching him ride a bucking bronco! If we removed the controller he became very agitated, so maybe he was enjoying the ride! It was certainly hilarious to watch.

Delightful thread!

My mum told us of a time when she and dad were in a Scottish Country Dancing demonstration. Her knicker elastic gave way mid-reel and her knickers dropped to the dance floor. She danced out of them and continued...

In my sister's case, we were on a road heading towards Scotland with not a toilet in sight. So a nearby field had to make do. She disappeared but reappeared at a great rate of knots nursing her arse - she had crouched down in patch of nettles! Oh and another time she and her friend decided to go skinny dipping. The appearance of other people made them decide to put their costumes back on. Unfortunately her friend dropped and lost her costume in the river!

In my case, years ago I worked as a trainee accounts clerk at a small business which was predominantly male-run. With only one toilet for everyone even I had to use it. I would always (and still do) knock first, if the door is shut, and then enter if unlocked. In this case there was no answer, the door seemed unlocked so I went in - and caught my boss with his trousers down around his ankles!

Perhaps a little black humour.
My sis in law S and dearest friend had battled with breast cancer for three years and was in the local hospice for some time. Her last two weeks she spent asleep and we were called to her side several times. On the evening that she died my brother was with her and then he phoned us to ask if we'd like to come to the hospice. The staff were wonderful and welcoming. We arrived at 2am. in S's room There was my brother, myself and dh, her best friend of many years, her sister and brother and spouses who had travelled 500 miles. S was very peaceful, her room had been cleared of bits an d pieces with a cross and a posy of flowers on her bedside table. Staff even brought tea for everyone into the room.
It was very sad but her fight was over, she was only 50. We talked of possible arrangements, giving time for family to arrive from abroad. Gradually as we talked the stories and memories started and the mood lightened as it does because S had always enjoyed company and we were glad to see her at peace.. . We said to staff that we'd go and get out of their way. We were told absolutely not. We could stay all night if we wished and that it was a joy to see the love.

So there's S in the bed. Family seated on either side of the bed and some standing at the foot of the bed one of which was her burley Glaswegian brother.

Next thing the head of the bed started to rise and S with it. By the time we realised that S's brother had accidentally leaned against the bed controls and found out how to work them S was sitting upright. There was hysterical laughter all round and we all knew that S would have loved it and would have been laughing hardest of all.

We will never be able to express our appreciation to those wonderful Hospice night staff.

I went to a swimmingpool with the grandkids and got talked into going on the flume................well, all fine going down but when I hit the water my top denture flew out of my mouth. I can't see anything under water, the kids couldn't see them. The only other person there was a young man who dived down and brought them up triumphantly, saying "are these the ones?" I do wonder how many dentures were down there.

KathrynP I sing in my church choir, and people often choose the hymn ‘Do not be afraid’ for funerals. I don’t know if they realise that one verse is ‘When the fire is burning all around you, you will never be consumed by the flames.’

On the subject of toilets, I am sure I have related this story before.
Many moons ago an uncle and aunt were travelling through France by train, it was at a time of unrest by farmers and they liked to disrupt services. In the middle of nowhere the farmers dumped a wagon load of swedes or sugar beet across the track. Uncle had a poorly tummy and because the train was stopped could not use the facilities. The train was in a tiny station so he left the train and used the toilet on the platform, unfortunately when he came to leave the door was jammed and he could not get it open. In the meantime the rail workers cleared the obstruction and the train moved off.
I can not remember how long he was there but assume my aunt must have returned to collect him when she realised he wasn't on the train.

These are so funny - thank you to all.

I too was wondering whether anybody fancied eating the cakes.

The little girl on the bus was hilarious - made me laugh out loud.

Oh harrigran I'm now wondering if the cakes got eaten?

When l lived in my old house, both my neighbours gave birth to babies within a few weeks of each other, and attended the same antenatal classes together. Like a lot of new mums, they both received a ‘Bounty pack’ full of samples and special offers. Both bought the same brand and model of baby monitor. Within a few days they discovered that they could hear another baby beside their own coming through loud and clear when the monitor was switched on, as well as more ‘adult ‘ sounds usually late at night and sometimes early mornings as well. She happened to mention this to the other Mum, who agreed that she had heard it too. When they decided to tell their health visitor of these ghostly sounds, she wasn’t in the least surprised, the monitors were super sensitive and able to pick up noise from quite some considerable distance, and what infact the Ladies had been hearing, was each others babies and other conversations and noises picked up loud and clear from each others bedrooms! The settings and pick up frequency capabilities for this particular monitor were identical, a known manufacturing fault, hence that was why they were on sale for such a bargain price at the time, it wasn’t just baby babble that they were picking up, how embarrassing.

30-odd years ago and therefore before mobile phones or fancy door locks, I used to get a lift to work with a colleague, being picked up by her a couple of streets away from my house. One morning I was about to leave the house to meet up with my lift, only to find that my damned-fool husband had gone off to work, and dead-locked the front door, so I couldn't get out of the house (we had no back door). I was unable to contact my lift as by then she would have left home, and was just contemplating whether I could climb out of the window to escape, when luckily my lift-giver arrived at the house to see what had happened to me. I had to post my front door keys out of the letterbox to her, so that she could get me out. What a twerp I felt, especially when she told everyone at work.

When my mother passed away, my sister and I went to deliver the songs for her cremation to the undertakers. We had found Mum' s favourite Max Bygraves rendition of Ave Maria on a CD in her CD collection. As we were about to get out of the car my sister was overcome with emotion so I told her to get back in the car and while she composed herself I suggested listening to the CD. It was the first song on the CD and opened with lots of very loud whistling and shouting ..... we then realised it was a recording of a live concert and certainly not appropriate for the funeral. At 5pm we were legging it down the High Street, ran in to HMV and breathlessly asked for a copy of Ave Maria by anyone but checked it before we left. Aled Jones did well! We also found that she had chosen a hymn with the words " Give me oil in my lamp keep me burning, keep me burning till the end of day", this was to be played as the coffin disappeared in the Crematorium. I gave strict instructions to the organist NOT to play the last verse. My Mum had a great sense of humour and I sure she was smiling down on us. We'll never know if she did it on purpose.

Fabulous stories, ladies. I’ve been in hysterics. I think I’ll keep this thread to cheer me up on blue days! My own experience was in a train toilet - the type with the sliding door. You’re ahead of me on this one, I’m sure... I was just in mid-flow when the door slid open in what seemed at the time like slow motion. In my shock, I stood straight up! Unfortunately, it was a crowded train and there was quite a crowd outside the toilet. I will never forget the look of sheer horror on one young woman’s face! The lady who had pressed the button to open the door quickly had the presence of mind to press Close, leaving me to finish as best I could and try to compose myself ready to face the world outside. I calmly washed my hands, then opened the door, stepped outside, said, “Well, that was embarrassing, wasn’t it?” and went back to my seat. I kept sniggering to myself the whole day. (I’ve since learnt that this is a very common accident - but it’s made me very wary of ALL toilet locks now!)

I got a terrible fit of the giggles at the service for my mothers funeral. As you can imagine I got quite a few strange looks and glares from my sister. She hadn’t noticed that the order of service read - the coffin will leave the church followed by the bears!

I used to get a lift to work but had to walk down a busy main road into town to pick my lift. As I had to leave early there were few pedestrians about. This particular morning a lot of cars were tooting and I got a few shouts and wolfwhistles. As I was much younger at the time I thought I must be looking particularly good that day. As I neared the end of the road having walked nearly a mile a cyclist pulled in front of me and said you need to know your skirt is tucked in your knickers.

Wow everyone, wasn't expecting to blow up like this. I've had a good 30 mins reading all of these . Love that some of you have gone in to a lot of detail.

My back garden backs onto a railway embankment and there is a magnificent oak tree on the other side of my fence. Just a 6’ chain link fence was necessary, and my garden gave the impression of being much longer. However, I was in my garden some years ago and heard a scuffling on the embankment. I then realised that there was a man relieving himself against the tree (there are no toilets at the station, and I suspect he thought he wouldn’t be seen). I don’t know who was most embarrassed - him or me, but not a word was spoken, and we both turned and walked away. I soon had a proper wooden fence put up!

Not so much not funny at the time because mt DH and I still laugh about this to this day.
True story Gransnet.
My DH and I were on our own for the weekend and I just love the feeling of not having to wear bed clothes, so...
I needed the bathroom during the night so got out of bed walked down the side and across the bottom of the bed and into the toilet I went.
On my return my DH was laughing I asked why are you laughing and eventually he told me he didn`t feel me get out of bed but when I looked to the bottom of the bed I thought we were being burgled by a bearded midget.
I called him a few names but was also laughing.
So fast forward a couple of days I was in the shower and started giggling, when I walked back into the bedroom he asked me what`s so funny, I said just to inform you the bearded midgets had a shave.
To which we both went into fits of laughter.
The family couldn`t believe it they too found it funny and told us we are a pair of nutters.

when my mother died, my eldest daughter and I went to the undertaker to make the arrangements for her funeral,coffin etc. My youngest daughter could not come as she had to run the café they both own. So we filled in the paperwork and then went to look at coffins. in a room full of the things there we were skyping on a phone to my youngest while she helped pick out a coffin..... which she decided had to be environmentally friendly. To this day I will never forget the look on the poor funeral directors face as he tried so hard not to laugh.

I was out walking the dog one afternoon and she crossed in front of me
I said to her "You silly sausage you nearly had me a---e over t-t" (sorry for the bit of bad language.)

A man was passing by at the time and he asked me if I had said something to him I smiled and said no I was talking to the dog. He asked me did I do that often I told him yes all the time he gave me a funny look and kept on walking.

When my mum passed away three years ago, the funeral director came to our house to discuss the funeral arrangements. During the course of the conversation, my two African grey parrots became very vocal, whistling and shouting all sorts of things, as per usual. The funeral director was fascinated by their talents and kept getting distracted by them. All of a sudden, his phone started ringing and as they always do when they hear a phone ringing, the parrots started saying “hello, hello!” The funeral director, for some reason, was convinced the parrots were saying hello in his voice and he started laughing hysterically. With tears rolling down his face and laughter still in his voice, he answered the call giving the name of service and his name, he listened to what the caller said, then he said “I’m so sorry for laughing, please excuse me, I’m with two birds....” at which point the caller put the phone down on him! He was shaking with laughter when he realised what he’d said and it took a good few minutes for him to collect himself enough before he could call her back and explain that he was talking about birds of the feathered variety! It was a moment of pure gold in a cloud of grief and I know my mum would have cried until she laughed, too.

That’s not quite the end of the story, though. A few weeks later, I was listening to my local radio show and for some reason, the funeral director was a guest on the show. To my absolute amazement, he told the entire story on the radio, leaving out our names, of course! He was hysterical with laughter again, as were the two radio presenters. My mum would have loved the fact that she’d made the local radio station and we were pretty chuffed, too!

My dear MiL's funeral was the morning after a big storm and the crematorium and surrounding area did not have any electricity. They had brought in a small generator to use to work the CD player but, unfortunately, the way the coffin moved back and the curtains moved round were also powered by electricity. We didn't think about this until a sound appeared at the door and in came MiL's coffin pushed on a very squeaky trolley. They also had trouble getting the CD player to work. After the service, they pushed Mil, still squeaking out of the side door. Knowing dear MiL who was an accident waiting to happen we all had a chuckle as I know she would have done too.