Table manners

I think everyone should have basic knowledge of table manners but really there are times when they don't matter. I sometimes put my elbows on the table during a family meal. My DGD has been instructed since a toddler. "Granny, elbows!" she announces. My mum told me that her grandfather used to watch everyone at the table (huge family) if anyone dared to put an elbow on the table he would bang his carving knife down next to their arm and shout "All joints on table must be cooked!"
Children in schools have so little time to eat at lunch I think manners just go out the window.
Mind you fish &chips just taste better with fingers!

I was brought up on a council estate that is now considered ‘ a sink estate’.... we , all four of us kids were brought up with lovely manners. You always sit at table to eat...you always use knife and fork ... you NE ER reaches across someone to get anything ( you asked politely for it to be offered) ....you always conversed with each other about the days ‘doings’ . I have brought my kids up the same....my grandchildren make the effort their parents have taught them , but I think having school lunches have eroded some niceties along the way!

Craicon, you sounded quite as judgemental as those you are criticising. Ding a kind person, making people feel that eating is a comfortable and enjoyable experience and having what is considered to be polite table manners are not mutually exclusive.

Eating some foods with fingers is obviously acceptable, but there are many foods that can be very messy if you don’t use a knife and fork.

Chestnut, your first post made me laugh out loud, thanks.
For the poster who wanted to go up a class, this was Barbara Cartland's take on cutlery. 'Don't use fish knives. They are a Victorian invention, and the best people use Georgian cutlery'.'

Maremia ??? I simply must be one of the 'best people' when teaching the grandchildren how to be proper!

Cutlery - purpose - to cut food up so it can be eaten in pieces that are digestible; to keep fingers clean as they go from food to mouth, to hair, to clothes, to somebody else's sofa, somebody else's door handles etc. Should it be used? Most certainly and especially where there are lots of people as in schools where a drop in hygiene can really matter.
Does it matter how it's held, in what hand? Not at all. The purpose is not to look genteel but to help with the eating of food and general cleanliness. Double dipping definitely out.

It is so important to teach pre -school children table manners so that they are not shamed at school

By who? Their peers are unlikely to be pedantic about such things.

No tanith, that's not bad manners. If I'm eating chilli, curry, rice or even a pack-up box of salad I just use a fork. A proper plated meal that requires cutting is certainly fork in left hand and knife in right though. My children were raised that way and they, in turn, have taught their children the same way.

P.s. people who call others "common" are not classy.

Some of you have wondered why older children have developed poor habits - it’ll be learnt behaviour, from watching the mad and bad glamorous rule breakers at school. We all had those, admit it.

No one has mentioned the 'importance' of always using both fork and spoon for pudding - only semi-liquid puddings such as ice cream to be eaten just with a spoon. To eliminate shovelling food onto fork with finger no doubt. That rule has stayed with me, together with another one not so far mentioned - never putting food from the table (e.g. plate of cakes at tea time) direct into one's mouth but onto one's own plate first.

I agree... my husband and I can’t abide sloppy table manners...how hard is it to use a knife and fork?

Why do we (UK people) have to copy the bad things that come out of the USA - bad table manners, slovenly speech, the love of ‘fast food’, but not the good things like superb customer service and respect for their country?

We were hit at the dinner table several times a meal, really hard too by our parents. I'd rather see bad table manners tbh.

Also it might be worth bearing in mind that alot of families now live in very small, in adequate housing and may not have a dining table. ChUck in austerity and food poverty. I think young families have bigger things to worry about, the poor sods.

Inadequate housing not in adequate.

Lots of cultures don't use cutlery aswell.

lovebeigecardigans1955

Dare I say that no country in the world has the exclusive on proper table manners. That's because cultural norms do vary and bad manners are universally offensive not just at the table but from someone you least expect!

Having said that, I didn't see the need to bring Americans into this discussion and with such broad negativity.

As some here already know, I'm an American which is why I take exception to your comment.....and just for the record, I also know how and when to use a fork and knife.

People who use the word 'classy' are common

I was surprised when my elder son mentioned how pleased he was that we had insisted on good table manners as he always felt comfortable attending important dinners.
We also taught eating with fingers when having Indian food and using chopsticks when eating Asian food, the proper use of finger bowls etc.
During business dinners all over the world he followed the lead of the hosts with confidence and reckoned that quite a few deals came his way due to the way he carried himself.

I'm always amused to see Mrs & Mrs Suburban-Bucket daintily using a knife and fork with rice, pasta, etc.

I know a lot of Americans and none has bad table manners - cutting up the next piece of meat and then passing the fork to the right hand is standard etiquette.

I like basic courteous manners - how someone holds their cutlery has nothing to do with manners.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oh yes, holding the knife like a pen - that really bugs me. I even notice it on TV when characters are eating a meal. I come from humble stock, but with a mother who had been 'in service' we children were well-versed in table etiquette. Pass the finger bowl please.....

DGC no longer has a booster seat, parents say no need. So he kneels on a chair, and gets down from the table when he likes. We have a booster seat that we insist is used at our house and he eats well. I detest bad table manners.

I cant say I'ver ever paid attention to how people hold their cutlery ,I'm usually too busy either eating or chatting to them.I find this whole thread very odd .As someone said upthread its not "classy" to call others common ,neither is it wise in this day and age to make judgements about people who do eat differently from you .As to the lady who said no one tells their children "if you dont eat it you go hungry" what decade are you from?
My mother never said that to any of us ,,we ate what we liked and if we didn't like it she would give us something else.The only rule was give it a try ,her own mother was the same with her as she was a very fussy eater
I dont think I'd like to eat out with any of you ,I'd be scared I picked my drink up wrong .

All my children grew up knowing how to hold and use cutlery properly. All my GC except for 3 older GSs also use their cutlery in the normal way. But the older GSs use their knife like a pen and stab whatever is to be cut with a fork with their hand gripped right round the length of the fork. I think they must have got the habit from ex SIL because DD and DGD use their cutlery normally.
I will always remember when MacDonalds first opened in London and my late exhusband took us there. Up until then the only experience of eating burgers was at a Wimpy restaurant where you were given a plate and knife and fork when eating in. To be given the burgers in a card box and the fries in a small paper bag on a plastic tray with only a small paper napkin and no cutlery he was quite disgusted. It was made even worse when a member of staff came round mopping the floors with a wet mop while we were eating. It was all too much for him. When in Anerica I find if you have a proper burger in a restaurant you need a knife and fork because with all the fillings they are far too big to pick up and eat in your hands.

Hello,

What does AIBU stand for?

Thank you.