So should I lie!

My daughter decided not to have children and was constantly given the 3rd degree as to why not. He response was she was helping to save the world as there were far too many people in the world already using up limited resources. Dependant upon the reaction, she would ask the person why they choose to have children! Usually shut them up apparently and she could almost see the wheels churning in their head questioning why indeed did they have children.

I would answer
“God no, I’m much to selfish for that” you could also say that you didn’t feel you should bring a child into the world you couldn’t afford, that usually shuts them up.

Oldwoman70, I don't think you should lie but I don't think you should have to explain yourself or your life choices to people asking questions purely out of nosiness! There are far too many people that have had kids that either didn't really want them, didn't or couldn't look after them for some reason, that made choices not in their own or their children's best interests etc. Your business is exactly that, and none of anybody else's - once you have answered that you don't have children because you didn't want to have any children nobody should pry further - if you wanted to initiate a discussion or debate on the subject that should be your choice and not because you feel obliged to satisfy curious invasive busybodies or gossips.

I think it's important never to ask questions like that. No-one knows the heartache which might be behind the answer. If someone wants to talk about it they will, without intrusive questions. My daughter doesn't have children and I'm amazed how many people feel they have a right to know why. She just says: "My dogs are my children".

DD has said for a long time that she didn't want to have children.
People,friends and family,have told her and me that she will change her mind.Part of me hopes a little that she may,and we get the comments about when are you having children/grandchildren.
In the end she will choose herself .
I want her to be happy and live her life as she wishes.
She likes her friends children by the way.

Yes I too liked H1954s reply “Why do you need to know”
You don’t need to lie it’s your choice your business. I have 2 amazing kids now grown up and 2 sisters and many friends who have no children and I can honestly say there were times when I envied them especially when mine were teenagers (LOL) youngest GC tells me that means Laugh out loud NOT Love you lots as I thought

People shouldn’t ask you it’s rude just say it’s a private matter.

I wouldn’t lie, I ‘d just say I didn’t want any. I’d put the ball back in their court and ask why they wanted to ask about such a personal choice.
My elder DS is unmarried. People ask me why, as though he’s weird, which he isn’t.
I feel like you do about that oldwoman70, I just wish they’d shut up.

Don't say that you can't have them, you will get the poor you looks and how unsatisfied your life must be without them. I've also had how lucky are you that your husband has stayed with you even though you can't have children! Why assume it is me and not him that can't make the baby?

Just tell the truth, it is better to not have children, knowing that you didn't than to have had them and wish you hadn't.

I have loved being the cool Aunt but always thought that I am too selfish to have children of my own.

Until you know them better, when you can confide of you wish to do so, I would say "it just never happened". And yes it is a very rude and insensitive question ❤️

I would be vague. “It wasn’t in the cards” and leave it at that. They will assume you were unable to have but the conversation doesn’t have to go any further than that even though you meant something else.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

We have friends of almost fifty years and never asked why they are childless. Not because we didn't feel we could ask, just that we felt it wasn't our business. Recently they volunteered the reason.

I get exactly the same treatment Oldwoman70 and how boring it is! I usually say 'I'm blissfully child free' and that shuts them up. I've lost count of the number of female conversations I've been 'shut out' of, or been 'bored to death by', because all they can talk about is children/grandchildren. The usual trend is to see whose 'little x, y or z has achieved more, done more, is better liked etc. It's like a competition for who has the most talented offspring. What happened to intelligent woman to woman conversations? We were all capable of them pre-childbirth/grandchild birth. I've been in the 'unfortunate' position to have had step-children; inherited but not living with me. It just reinforces my decision to not reproduce.
It was the right one!

My reply to this question is that I'm a champion worrier and it would only give me one more thing to worry about. Life is hard enough sometimes without the responsibility of a little person as well.

'Its just the way things turned out.' - If they want more detail give them the full unvarnished truth - they asked for it. I used to get a different version as I have one child. - Dismayed 'Oh, when are is poor little XX getting a new brother/sister.' Within my child's hearing and clearly expressing that s/he must be lonely and deprived. Not helpful. Nobody else's business.

You could reply as one of my cousins did: "Oh, I love children, but I never wanted any of my own. The responsibility scared me."

Most people took the hint.

Alternately, you could reply along the lines of "Man proposes, God disposes." "It just never happened"

I see no obligation to be truthful when countering a question you find rude.

no dont lie .say that you wanted to further your career, and you feel that offering your services to others is better for you, ask them if they would like a baby sitter instead.

It is amazing what people think they have the right to ask. My daughter is an only child as I was advised not to have more. I have often had questions or comments about this.
Now as a widow, I can’t begin to count the number of times I have been asked if I am going to move from my home. Really? Is that anyone else’s business?

I would say 'why do you need to know?'

It IS very rude to ask that. You are childless by choice and you should never have to explain yourself to anyone about that. But also, if they are asking a person who would have loved to have children but is unable, the question can be very upsetting. And then leads on to "What's wrong with you then?" People are so thoughtless. (Also like people who ask adult women who aren't in a relationship "Why haven't you got a boyfriend or husband?") I have one daughter, now 35, and when she was an older child I was occasionally asked why we only had the one child, and didn't we want her to have a little brother or sister. The people who asked didn't know that I had actually had another child, a baby son who died at a few weeks old, and also had a miscarriage. I would usually tell this to people who asked, and see the look of embarrassment on their faces. But it was hard for me to have to say it. Or lie and say we hadn't wanted any more children.

I think some people have no tact. My ex husbands new wife asked my son and his wife on their wedding day when children would be next. They have by choice decided they do not want children. At my other sons wedding a month later this woman asked my son and his wife again if they had started a family yet and then asked my second sons wife when they were starting their family. She actually asked me if I had had my menopause. This was from a woman whom I had never met before. So getting back to the point of this post, I would politely say that, by choice I have taken the decision not to have children and I do no want to discuss it any further.

Why not say....Gosh, I can't believe I'm STILL being asked that question. You can use any tone you wish or even laugh as you say it. That should cover all types of events/people without causing any awkwardness.

No, I don't think you should lie. It is your choice.

My youngest son and DIL said, at the beginning of their marriage, that they planned to have a family. Nothing happened for ten years, but I never posed the question. DIl’s Mum, who had no GC, was constantly dropping hints.
They have finally announced that their first child is on the way, a son, due in May. It turns out that they have been trying for some years, without success, but chose not to share the fact with their families. I’m glad that I never asked, as it would have been upsetting for them.
I would ask people I was conversing with, in a casual way, if they have a family, but wouldn’t dream of asking anything intrusive.