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So should I lie!

(111 Posts)
Oldwoman70 Mon 03-Feb-20 10:41:55

When meeting new people the conversation usually gets round to children. When I say I don't have children the first question, invariably, is to ask why (a question I think is rarely rude and invasive). I always reply that I didn't want children which usually results in my being treated as weird or a child hater (neither of which is true, alright I may be a little weird!).

If a child wants to smile, wave or talk to me I will smile wave or talk back (provided a parent is present) but I knew at an early age that I don't have a maternal bone in my body. I like children, just didn't want any of my own.

So the question I am asking is, the next time someone asks why I didn't have children should I lie and say I couldn't? Of course that could then lead on to further questions about the "problem"

Oldwoman70 Mon 03-Feb-20 10:42:57

" a question I think is RATHER rude" !!!

janeainsworth Mon 03-Feb-20 10:53:39

You could do what my DD does when someone (usually me) asks an inappropriate question.
Assume an annoyed, mildly shocked, haughty facial expression.
Draw yourself up to your full height.
‘That’s personal and private!’

Well it shuts me up anyway grin
For a whilegrin

kittylester Mon 03-Feb-20 10:54:33

No, dont lie! Answer truthfully if asked. And, say that you don't have a maternal bone in your body so thought it was the best option if anyone is rude enough to question you further.

You might also add that you think anyone who asks is being very rude!! And, you can say I think they are rude too!! grin

kittylester Mon 03-Feb-20 10:56:33

Love it janea. Mine just say, 'for God's sake Mother!' in an exasperated sort of way! grin

janeainsworth Mon 03-Feb-20 10:58:37

Yes kitty! I frequently get that toogrin

Framilode Mon 03-Feb-20 11:01:01

I don't think it's anything to lie about. \if someone asks I would just say 'I'm childfree by choice'.

aggie Mon 03-Feb-20 11:04:45

In the present climate you could always say you were trying to save the Planet ! 🤔

H1954 Mon 03-Feb-20 11:07:49

You could ask " why do you need to know?". It was your choice and you shouldn't feel pressured into explaining why.

Baggs Mon 03-Feb-20 11:32:29

I think I'd be tempted to tell them that asking you to explain why is rude. And, if you can get your dander up sufficiently, that it's none of their business.

Good luck!

Nannytopsy Mon 03-Feb-20 11:35:22

I get that comment too kitty 😊

vampirequeen Mon 03-Feb-20 12:41:36

I have a lot of scars on my arms due to self harming. Most people ignore them but some can't. If they ask I say that when I was a child my mam and dad took me to the zoo and in those days health and safety wasn't as good as it is today. The fences were quite low around some animals and I fell into the porcupine pit. The frightened animals attacked me and the scars are the result of me having to wrestle the porcupines until the my dad jumped in and saved me.

vampirequeen Mon 03-Feb-20 12:43:54

Try telling them a half believable lie grin

suziewoozie Mon 03-Feb-20 12:48:19

I’m astonished that people think they can ask this question. I wouldn’t lie, I’d just say that it’s not something you’re prepared to discuss.

sunseeker Mon 03-Feb-20 12:58:44

As a child free woman myself I understand exactly where the OP is coming from. It is amazing what people feel they can say to you - from asking why you have no children to asking who is going to take care of you in your old age! In the early days of my membership of GN I was even asked why I was on the site as I had no GC!

Sara65 Mon 03-Feb-20 13:04:05

I too am surprised that people ask this question.

But I see absolutely no reason why you should lie, your choice. I know quite a lot of childless couples, and some of them are really good with children, just didn’t want their own.

Callistemon Mon 03-Feb-20 13:07:31

You made the best decision for you OldWoman and it's no-one's business but your own.

Another comment is: "Oh, fancy only having just the one child. That is very selfish, they must be lonely".

No-one knows whether it is through choice or inability to have more children.

sunseeker Mon 03-Feb-20 13:09:42

Among the other things people have said to me is that I must be a great disappointment to my parents for not giving them grandchildren - imagine how much that hurt.

Kalu Mon 03-Feb-20 13:12:53

I like DD2s reply, ‘not going there’! Just about covers it that she is not willing to discuss her private life. She tells me that some are actually a bit miffed that she won’t explain why she has no children! Adores her nieces but realises she is not maternal. Her choice which I fully understand, it’s her life and her choice to make.

Only wish her MiL would stop asking when, when? She is a lovely lady and both of us get on very well but eventually my lovely SiL had to tell his mother she was out of order and to stop asking.

I left it up to both DDs to make their own choices as to whichever suited their lives.

TrendyNannie6 Mon 03-Feb-20 13:13:19

They actually ask you why you don’t have children!! That’s very rude isn’t it. I would reply that’s my business

BlueSky Mon 03-Feb-20 13:25:33

I reply ' No comment'! to any inappropriate question.

eazybee Mon 03-Feb-20 13:26:31

To ask directly is very rude.
Perhaps you could pre empt them if you see the way the conversation is going by saying: I chose not to have children; why did you?
It is amazing the number of women who still claim their children just happened, somehow.

Kalu Mon 03-Feb-20 13:36:42

Sorry Oldwoman didn’t actually answer your question.

You shouldn’t be put in a situation whereby you feel you have to lie. So you would be giving an honest answer to reply ‘ I would rather not talk about it’ and let them , no doubt, come to various conclusions.

According to DD some are then quite embarrassed to then think it’s because you can’t have children but she just lets it go as she and SiL get on with the life they have chosen.

SueDonim Mon 03-Feb-20 13:37:26

Goodness how rude! shock I like H1954’s suggestion - why do you need to know? I don’t think you should give any explanation such as couldn’t have them/didn’t want them/thinking of the planet. It’s not their business and you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone.

Or you could say ‘Well, I do like children but I couldn’t eat a whole one!’ wink

Charleygirl5 Mon 03-Feb-20 13:37:26

I have two replies- the first being "I prefer cats" and the second "once I discovered the child was staying longer than a week I decided against it". Both replies shut people up. I used to find it very rude but thankfully it did not happen often.