If you’ve gone through feeling unmotivated, lonely, depressed, sad...

I could have written some of your post Hetty58. Some days it's an effort to do anything

Rufu2. Thank you for giving me a lift to my day. I haven’t got much of a sense of humour but your comment made me laugh out loud. ?

Massage-

Some people journal, I write lists- I list everything I need to do or want to do then check each off after accomplished - No matter how big or small, I make sure to list 6 things daily that I did -

I've done this for decades- I was introduced to listing by a niece who was introduced to it by her professor during a difficult time when she didn't know what she wanted to do with her life- And she still doesn't! But by practicing listing has accomplished more than she ever imaged!

And I have too- More than I'd be inclined to give myself credit for if I didn't practice writing lists- Its proved especially helpful in the post holiday winter months with little to no sun that can leave one feeling a bit blue and adrift-

Apparently the brain likes lists and ticking things off. There is some research about that.https://innermammalinstitute.org/about/

Perhaps it staves off hopeless feelings, a lack of purpose.

Personally, I drag myself to yoga twice a week and may try to up it to 3 visits. The timing works for me, 10 am.

I wish I had asome sort of faith but I don't.
Volunteering in a local charity shop is a bit hit or miss, depending on who is working that day.

Hi gmarie, I hope you have tried sumatriptan for your migraines. This medication changed my life and I know it must be hard to believe but it can stop a migraine within one hour.
I used to have to spend days in bed when I was younger until I started taking sumaptriptan.
I have a prescription for 12 tablets per month. Sometimes there are some over, but this levels out if the atmospheric pressure goes when I can have a migraine every day.

After reading all of these comments, I have to say I can relate to most of them, but am still waiting to resolve my favourite phrase, which is, "I can't be arsed", I guess this verifies the fact I am seriously unmotivated, roll on Spring!

Interesting thread. I have felt myself becoming more lethargic and have that "cba" attitude, which I know is NOT good for me. I sit on the computer too much. I need to force myself to do things.

If I could lose a bit of weight and be more active, I think I'd feel better. It's easy to give in to this, but I keep trying.

gmarie. Like you I had a very busy life and even when I retired I looked after my grandchildren until they were mid teens. When that stopped I did feel redundant and lacked motivation to do much. It is hard to turn off from being a carer and having a job but after chatting to friends I decided not to try too hard to fill my time and just do exactly what I wanted to do.

I usually start the day with a walk, somewhere with greenery. It is good for the soul . I have made lists of activities I may enjoy (thanks to lovely GNs suggestions) that I will persue in Spring. Winter is a time of hibernation. We don't feel like doing a lot and maybe shouldn't. Recharge batteries for warmer days

Thanks everyone, writing things down (my earlier post) really helped me work out what's going on. I'm having a 'battery charging' day too, AGAA4, why not?

There is some similarity now to an earlier phase in my life when I had little confidence. I was stuck indoors (far too much) with four kids and a very poorly husband. I felt trapped and really low then, despite having company.

I forced myself to enrol on a part time 'Access to HE' course at a local college. The company of the other mature students was an absolute life saver. I discovered that I was a capable student, too.

It all ties in so nicely with everyone's comments about having a challenge, doing something creative, getting out and about and being organised (lists and goal setting). We really DO have a lot of the answers!

The menopause started it all for me. I was absolutely fine before, 3 years ago, then insomnia, muscle and joint stiffness, nausea, hot flushes, and then there’s the emotional side where I just haven’t felt like me anymore. The feeling of not wanting to do ANYTHING, even the things I’d normally love, like being with family. Luckily it ebbs and flows, I would just like it to flow away for good. I know it’s much better for us than for our predecessors, because the knowledge is out there, but still have to go through it. With me, lack of good sleep has been a big part of it. Just keeping my eye on that light at the end of the tunnel.

I went through something like this nine years ago. Something happened and I couldn’t stop grieving and feeling alone. I was lonely but didn’t want to see anyone. What got me through was being forced to relate to myself. So often we are not with ourselves. I started to ask myself questions how am I, what would make me happy, what do I need, looking over my life and recognising myself, Realising I’ve been a kind person, but not when hurt, I can be funny , amuse people, always did my best even if it wasn’t up to much lol etc etc. Realising I miss my dad, angry at myself over x , interested in Russia, curious. Now I never get lonely and in fact I love my own company. I have a good relationship with myself !

Hetty58, so articulate on this. I shall re read your posts, identify and learn.
I have to agree with your suggestion that we sometimes burn ourselves out in a most productive years then cannot summon up the strength or motivation later on in life. Health issues and insomnia also take away what was supposed to be a pleasurable retirement lifestyle.

Another identifying here. I have a very busy life with lots of interests and friends to meet for coffee, DDs and GDCs are wonderful but I have to fight off the urge to walk away from it all and become a sort of recluse. I don't sleep well, often wake up, and in the early hours it is an almost overwhelming feeling, I lie in bed planning how I'll walk away from everything. It's a feeling that's been going on for a few years now. However I haven't given in to it. Once I'm up and dressed the feeling lessens a bit and I don't (usually) give in to it but do occasionally cancel arrangements because I just can't be bothered. It's too much effort.

Don't be hard on yourself and take it one step at a time:
Get to your local U3A meeting, if you can and find out what groups they have that you might want to join.
If they don't have ones you might like, talk to them about starting your own groups - you've done it before.
Once you get there you will find morelike-minded people and get moral support.
BUT, don't start too many new things together.

Yes rowanflower, baby steps to start with, I think. My friend says that I underestimate myself, expect too much of myself - and don't like myself either. I'm sure that she's right.

seven years ago we were living our dream in a beautiful bungalow overlooking the sea in Cyprus when all our retirement dreams fell apart suddenly one morning. DH had a severe stroke resulting in our return to UK and 10 weeks inpatient treatment for him. Fast forward to 2020 and DH made a reasonable recovery but we’ve both had down times. However, the key to having a permanent lift, we find, is volunteering! We support a local charity in many ways and volunteer in our village community shop which is always a ‘spirit lifter’. Do it, just do it.....volunteer in a capacity you are comfortable with, it’s so rewarding!

Grandmama, what do you mean " walk away from everything"

Take care, come back and chat some more.

I found the only thing that pulled me out of the loneliness was to do something that had a definite deadline to it. Writing course, volunteer work, upholstery sessions didnt have a lasting effect as there was nothing much depending on it (apart from commitment).
It's only when I had to achieve something by a certain date or to a high standard that I became really motivated. These included producing costumes for the school nativity, organising an event for local children and being a Section Assistant at Cubs having to organise and deliver their weeks activities twice a month. My writing course, exercise classes etc were all about me and it wasnt enough to pull me out of my day to day mindset.
Sorry you're feeling out of sorts, but you've been proactive before, just make sure what you do is being depended on by someone else.

My above included working in charity shops and the like. It's good because it gets you out and being with people. But, not much of it involveds challenge, thinking hard, organising a project and delivering it on time to a high standard, which I think is key.

Osteoarthritis overwhelmed me for a few years. Painful hips and knees limited my mobility. I could no longer run or walk easily. A hip replacement took a year of crutches, intense physio, Pilates and Aqua classes to improve. Two and a half years later I have learned to enjoy the Pilates and Aqua classes, rather than resent not being able to jog and do Aerobic, usually! I've made friends there and learned to accept that standing or walking for too long is not possible. I've taken up volunteering teaching English (my working life was teaching) as an additional language to refugees and asylum seekers. They are very appreciative and I enjoy it. These activities give me a weekly structure which I like. I also do childcare for GC that I love though it is exhausting. It is nice to feel some sense of achievement each day.

Like Grandmama, I wake up feeling utterly miserable, and also wishing I could disappear. Having DS with learning difficulties at home, and visiting DH in nursing home forces me to keep going. If I wake up in the early hours, I'm okay, but any time from about 6.00am, the bleakness is there. I haven't worked out what causes this. Once I'm up and 'doing', I'm a bit better. I sometimes do school pick ups, and sleepovers re DGC too. Having to 'care' is a double edged sword. I do have interests, and meet family and friends, but the feeling of doom and gloom hovers. My mantra is to remind myself that l'm reasonably fit and healthy at 72, and l'm not cold or hungry, have a decent roof over my head and I'm not ' down to my last halfpenny '. It helps - for a little while.

endlessstrife Wed 12-Feb-20 16:47:32.
Ditto.

FranT Wed 12-Feb-20 15:46:54
I was just thinking of the phrase just before I read your post. I say that a lot lately.

Getting "older" in my case was paired with developing a neurologic disease which will gradually worsen. My peers by age seem to avoid the chair, etc. and talk loudly to me, the very elderly seem drawn to me...dear souls, but I crave omore stimulation. Thankfully I look back on world travel, a profession I loved and friends....now all living miles away. I find this site a boost and thank each of you. I was a voracious quilter,but can no longer see to do it. I am open to any of your suggestions even if it is a kick in the bum. Know you are cherished.

There are such interesting responses and ideas here and so much common ground. I wish there was a " place" to discuss this sort of thing and not be involved in bickering and nastiness which is elsewhere.

How do other posters feel about routine? Is it helpful to them?

I don't feel lonely thanks to lovely DH and familyBut lately can feel unmotivated,tired,a weird bleakness and a strange guilt. And frustrated.But I think the reality is that recently retired from years of self-employment I'm burnt out and can identify with the 'walking away from it all 'Not in a dramatic,harmful way more just packing a bag and hopping on a train and taking myself off for a few days.
I worry that in my early 60s I don't want to fling myself into all these activities my friends do,or go travelling the world.But the reality is we don't have the same amount of money with only modest pensions DH still needs,and wants ,to work despite constant pain from a condition.And I'm not retired from responsibilities with part time childcare of DGcs and two frail,very elderly relatives-one of which won't accept any outside help.
Our dogs keep me sane.I just walk as much as possible.Sometimes with a friend.But often alone. I'm realising if I love/need my own company,and need to retreat sometimes and that's ok.I cherish being able to be outside,active and in nature with animals whilst I still can.I'm actually not fussed about being in a gym,class or on a world cruise anyway .Thanks for the thread it's just clarified that .Now I must get out of bed and get motivated !