Do we mollycoddle our children today?

Work out of home mums are put on a pedestal on GN but my aunt worked out of the home and had less time for her kids than the working mums! We had to be CONSTANTLY outside as she had a constant stream of seamstress appointments and ironing to collect/deliver. The house was a no-kid zone.
(She was a lovely woman just poor and had to take on a lot)

A lot of the time when we were outside we just wanted to be allowed in

Its right i guess,as even my older AC ring me for advice,or a loan if they need it,(not often) or to make 'suggestions' or generally 'fix things' (more the daughters!) But yes of course i help if i can so its just the way it is i suppose

At 11 I had to walk through a wood to get to senior school. Longer way was half hour walk to the bus stop to get bus. If I had enough pocket money left I would get a bus to Sidcup and then one to Chislehurst. Three possible ways. The wood was scary sometimes but it was the quickest....a 45 minute walk half in the wood. Parents would not let children do tgat now.

I have observed that today’s children often don’t have pocket money and have no concept of how to buy things.
They never go anywhere on there own . Don’t understand how buses and trains work not to mention a telephone box or land line.
The problem is their parents are scared to allow any independent action . Playing in a local park never happens!
Part of the problem is we don’t live in local communities or talk to our neighbours.

Aw c’mon Seefah. - share you secret! You’ve piqued my interest now. How did you ‘keep a close eye’ on them?

I was better off than some as my mum was a stay at home mum as they are now called,my dad had good job as a driver,so she didnt need to go out to work.

I think it depends as well where you came agewise in the family. The younger ones were more care free than the older ones who were always being charged with them

I agree PollyJ, i think we were all a bit more 'self-sufficient' back then,i was more spoiled(a bit) than my brother& sister i guess as i was the 'baby' of the family,they were 8& 11 years older than me,and in most ways it was like being an only child once they left school,but i always said to my kids "youve all had your turn at being the baby"- and i think even my older kids did more for the younger ones,so learnt good skills,but my 2 youngest,definitely not,as we've ALL spoiled them both

I dont think freedom is the right word as we had no choice in the matter. No say.
We were unsupervised a lot whether we liked it or not. And we didnt always like it.

I had my own front door key from primary school. I stayed for school dinners. My job was to 'set' the fire ready for lighting, saturdays was scrubbing front step & helping mum with big wash after stripping beds, polishing sideboard & bannisters, kitchen floor etc. Sundays was baking and walking across park by myself to take a fresh apple pie every Sunday to gf. I was sent on errands by myself to butchers (taught young to choose the meat for sundays roast) went on bus to town to library and took myself to hospital for ongoing ear treatment plus local clinic for exercises for bad flat feet & weak ankles. Neighbours were allowed to collar you too to run errands for them with the money wrapped up in the list. Back then everyone knew the price of everything. If you saw the doctor make a housecall mum would knock to see if they needed a prescription bringing & off I'd be despatched again. I didn't mind, it was just normal. But I knew if there was a problem when mum wasn't home I could go to any one of those houses & be welcome. I have noticed my grandsons can't even make themselves a sandwich & don't lift a finger to muck in with any household chores, even with duvets making life simpler.

I know I still step in too much - my children are adults but still I am there with money to help out and wanting to fix things. I think in the past there was far more the idea that once you were grown, you looked after yourself. Saved for what you wanted, sorted out your own affairs far more than now when parents (me included) can't seem to let them go and deal with things themselves

Good point Pollyj - me too! I wonder IF it’s because WE struggled we want our children (and grandchildren) to have an easier time of it? Scrimping to save isn’t nice (or easy) I recall. Yes, I get the sense of achievement from doing so, but still.
?

I also remember that we didnt want the responsibility of minding the babies, and would try to object.

It led to some sibling resentment, there were more than a few unhappy oldest girls who were expected to be mini mums!

I was a latch key kid , cooking , taking buses etc . But I would never let my children out unaccompanied in UK. Too many children disappear. However in a village in Croatia my children ran wild or so they thought. In fact I had a very close eye on them. A few years ago my thirty year old daughter said ‘ mum I grew up thinking I was free as a bird and could do as I liked but I realise now I had a very strict upbringing - how did you manage that ? I shared all my tricks with her when her children were born.

Primary aged we would be in charge of the babies/toddlers when playing out.
We would get told off if they got injured.
At the time we felt guilty if it happened, but looking back? How unfair was that? We were only a couple of years older ourselves!

What I remember is the joy of being allowed to take the bus or the train on my own.

Sometimes I was a little scared but the feeling of being trusted to manage on my own was worth being a little scared.

Yes, a lot of parents mollycoddle their children today. The world is perhaps more dangerous, but there were men who exposed themselves to little girls or did worse when we were children too, but our mothers told us to run away and get a policeman or any woman to help.

Hi NannyJan, I couldn't have a bicycle either and I can't ride a two wheeler now, but I have got ' Morgana' my trusty tricycle!

We're not on about that Patricia1958- OF COURSE we were brought up with hugs& love& kisses and PROPER FOOD,and so were our own kids! We were asked about if kids are more 'molly coddled' ( spoiled,i guess) nowadays,and i suppose they are yes, and we compared it how times had changed from back in the day- but NO ONE said we werent loved or fed! Geeze!

Well getting to/from school alone is common and allowed (by schools) from yr6 so a year younger than you going to grammar.

None of my DDs childhood friends died (thank god) but I did know children who died when I was growing up in accidents that wouldnt commonly happen today: playing without adult supervision near water, in a car crash with no seat belt and playing unsupervised around mechanical equipment.

So I do not have such a rose tinted view.
And even though I myself got through unscathed, it wasnt all "freedom" and character building. At times it was scary. I remember holidays where the kids would be sent out en masse to get out from the adults feet. There was some fun but it wasnt enid blyton and half the time I missed my mum and dad and wished I could be indoors (and warm!)

I used to look after my two sisters all day in the holidays because Mum and Dad were at work. I was twelve and they were 7 and 1yr. I used to get together with my cousin who was a bit younger than me and had her two brothers to look after 5 and 7, and we used to go over the fields with a picnic and all the cows used to come over and try and eat it all, then we used to catch newts in the pond and play rounders. Baby laid on the blanket under the tree. We were so happy!! A bit dangerous though when I think back now, but it was just after the war, so I suppose things were so different then.

Oh goodness Rosina,im not THAT bad

No they dont CarlyD7,my youngest,16, wont even go to local shop,only place he goes is college & back on the special college bus.and yes he's been mollycoddled more than the older ones as his older siblings have spoiled him & his slightly older brother (21) as well

I was left with my brother (3 years older) in the school holidays when mum was working and knowing what we got up to leaving my 3DSs alone for very long wasn't an option. It was a small wonder that nothing really bad ever happened to us. He did 'science experiments'-did you know custard powder was explosive? We once blew bubbles with a gas pipe and lit them! We broke a glass lightshade when we bounced on the settee and big brother hit it with his head. We also found all our Christmas presents and played with them. And lots of other things we never told our parents. Mind I've found out since they've grown up a few things my DSs did when they had time alone. DGCs will be strictly supervised!!!

Yes, children are molly coddled too much, even taking into account the changing times. Having worked in a junior school for years I was left stunned at the behaviour of some 'satellite' parents who would have willingly come in and dressed and undressed their 7+ children at the begining and end of the day and for P.E. One mother regulary parked on the zig zag lines right outside the gate because 'They can't walk all that way' and it was a regular feature to have a complaint because a child had ignored the call for lunch, carried on playing , and then had to eat a meal that was not their first choice. One mother shouted at staff because her child had not been handed a certificate in assembly as the certificates hadn't arrived, and would be presented the next week. 'We are DEVASTATED' she screeched. It was pointed out to her that devastation is losing your entire family or getting a terminal disease, not waiting seven days for a certificate, but no doubt she felt she was preparing her child well to handle life's little disappointments in her own inimitable style.

I know,it seemed so different back then,me& my mates would go play out& go all over,at 7/8/9 etc & even at 12/13 we'd go to town on saturdays or cinema& go round carol singing after dark but no one was bothered (there were usually 2 or more of us but still...) theyd not do any of that these days

I used to go into town aged 9 or 10 to Junior Red Cross classes and Mothercraft classes (?!) and walk back alone to our village about a mile on a dark road. My dad wouldn’t get his car out to pick me up. One night I got followed and flashed at. I burst into tears when I got home, I remember my Mum consoling me but my Dad still wouldn’t get the car out on an evening..