Non traditional funeral/memorial service

We just attended a service for a schoolmate of DH. They had a piper escort in the family (who were Scottish), had a moment of silence then played a lovely slide show set to music that made us all shed a few tears. Afterwards a eulogy was read and a few people got up to say a few words. Then the bar was opened and refreshments were served.
My DH mentioned afterwards that he really liked this service, and would like something similar (no bagpipes though!) This was at a hotel ballroom with no ashes or minister present.
Even though we are not yet 60 (nor was the classmate) we realize that we need to have some wishes set down on paper.

Dya know, I don’t know why we bother sometimes. You ask a question, and those with real knowledge answer and the OP ignores our input.
I’m glad I didn’t give any more personal info.

An article worth noting and should be learned. Thank you for providing this great information.

For my husbands funeral I used an informal company company called "poppies Funerals" recommended by the registrar and contacted online. They were brilliant. And a humanist facilitator there are lots of them about. Then we went to the pub.

Apparently Bob Hope's children asked him whether he would prefer to be buried, or cremated. His reply: 'I'm not sure, surprise me'.

DH and I have prepaid for a Pure cremation. They just collect your body, take it away, cremate it and return the ashes to your designated loved ones a week or so later. Family can have a little goodbye ceremony if/as they wish. No service or gatherings. Simple and respectful. No unnecessary ridiculous amounts of money being spent. I would rather leave whatever money we have to family than spend it paying for expensive funerals. None of us are religious and would wish to honour and remember each other in our own private ways.

DH and I have decided to have a cremation with no ceremony, and leave some money in our wills to enable the family to have a party/meal or outrageous piss up as they chose.

Last year we had the deaths and funerals of both of our mothers. We found the planning very stressful. At my mothers funeral numerous relations who had not seen her for years ( including some she used to complain about never visiting or wanting to go our) turned up, there were a few who didn't even know her who I think came along for the excellent refreshments. It was the last thing on earth i would want for myself. M-i-L's funeral was very simple and religious, with a nice meal for the 10 of us who attended afterwards, she had been in a care home for years and all her friends and most of her relations pre-deceased her.
I was just left thinking that our non religious sons should be spared all this type of stuff and as we are firmly non religious we just wanted our bodies disposed of in a timely manner.

I think it’s important for the ‘service’ to reflect the life of the deceased - not what is wanted by those left. If the deceased was not religious, or had no belief, then a non-religious ‘service’ is perfectly OK.

Willynilly?? you lost me

so.. I have been fortunate, imo, that as a child, both my parents discussed funerals with me,, and my brother

then nearly 50 years of marriage, my dh and I have discussed them.. funerals that is... though when it actually comes , the grieving is horrendous, and completely unimaginable... leaving that aside, (sorry willlynilly)

we all said we didn`t want fuss... plain cremation, NO BURIAL...

my dh die a few months back, I couldn`t do it, good job I had also discussed with our two ds and dils.. not at any length, just touched on it, and we all seemed to agree, so our youngest ds and dil arranged it,, let me see, celebant had our input...

both dh and I Christians, (not religious) but did not want fuss.. so Celebant covered that point in her discourse.. a couple of personal items.. we chose music... not fuss

definitely no flowers..... and it was good, what we all wanted.. the funeral directors were really goo

the cost was unexpected, uncatered for and far too much imo

so I have just set out a prepaid one so my family don`t have that to do.. not good all the paperwork etc....

prepaid,, you decided would be what I would urge most everyone to aim for

even the ashes,, left at the crematorium, helped to fertilize the rose garden there.

it is only the physical body... we all believe our spirits, call them what you will are well catered for..

God bless you all

When my mother died she wanted a Humanist Ceremony not Religious and the funeral directer was able to suggest one who wrote his speech after talking to the family about my mother and this made it a lot more personal than a Vicar who had never met her. I would want a similar type of service.

I did a eulogy (memories really) at my oldest friend's funeral/cremation in December, along with another of his friends and his son. There were no hymns or prayers but some Tom Lehrer (his periodic table song was one of my friend's specialities!). There was a 5 minute bird-song track played, and we left the crem to the fabulous Stones song, Tumbling Dice. It was all both sad and jolly and he'd have loved it, especially the bit after at the local pub.

I also want a direct funeral, no service, no 'celebrations' just a cremation as and when, and then ashes to DH or DS. I've told those concerned but really want to know what DH wants yet he refuses to discuss anything concerning his own mortality. Practically speaking he will probably go first and I have absolutely no idea what he might want.

I’m with you moggycuddler, Pure cremations sounds just the ticket. Before she died my mother said no flowers thanks, if you didn’t buy them for me when I was alive I certainly don’t want them when I’m dead. Donations to charity were made instead. I feel very strongly about the ridiculous amount of money funerals can cost. Each to their own though. My best friend wants professional wailers and would like to be stuffed in a glass case!

After making my decision to have Direct or Pure Cremation I informed my 2 friends who are my Will Executors of my decision and was surprised to learn that one has decided she wants exactly the same and the other has made decision to leave her body to be used for Alzeimer Research programme.
I'm beginning to think traditional funerals maybe "dying"out in our society,sorry for the pun!

I'm another one who just wants to disappear without any sort of ceremony. It has often been my experience that those who 'want to say goodbye' haven't seen the deceased for a long time before the actual event. I just want my friends to keep saying hello to me whilst I'm alive. You cannot say goodbye to a corpse.

It’s definitely a direct funeral for me! Probably use pure direct cremation, my children know all about this,basically I want to be burnt and scattered!Scattered at a beach near Woolacombe where I spent my very happy childhood, I only want my children and grandchildren to do the scattering and then after that I want them to go and have a lovely meal somewhere and raise a glass.... I have left each of them letters and a CD with three special songs on it, special to me anyway and have asked them to play that at some point after my passing

we had a celebrant at my daughters funeral, and celebrated her life rather than doom and gloom and religion, wore bright colours then hit the pub after. I am having a natural burial, so no being pumped full of pickling juice for me, just put in the ground as nature intended in a deer park, have had that as my funeral wishes since i was age 30

And I totally agree with Kim 19

We had a 'humanist' funeral for Mum with a celebrant. It still followed a funeral theme, though, just no mention of God. I found it just as fake, though. Very polite and could have been about anyone. No service at all for me!

My family know I don't want a funeral of any kind. I die my body goes to Crematorium and if my girls want to they can collect the ashes from there but there is no need to. I want them just to remember me as I was .

Dec46, hilarious (funerals dying) but they're optional, just like christenings and weddings. I've paid for my direct cremation and told the kids to scatter my ashes.

There was a huge family gathering/picnic on our 'village' green for scattering last summer. Unfortunately, local people were complaining that they had no official permission from the land owner (Church) to scatter. I don't know how they'd know that - unless somebody asked for proof!

As other posters DH and I have decided on direct cremation/s. Keep things simple. No risk of huge bill for family to pick up. Even a 'simple' funeral can be quite expensive.

GrannyLaine, I enjoyed reading your account of your mother’s funeral. It sounded so loving and respectful. I also now realise that the celebration is also for those left behind, whilst respecting the deceased’s wishes. Food for thought.

I have paid for a direct cremation, hopefully it will be many more years before its needed. As an only child, my parents long gone, there will be only my daughter, son in law and 2 grandchildren and my best friend (if she hasnt gone before me), so would rather they did something special rather than sit in an almost empty church.

My brother’s mother-in-law was cremated with no ceremony of any sort, as they all had wished. They used a company called something like Simplicity Cremations. They could choose whether to have the ashes returned or not. I’m not sure what they did about this in the end.

The money which would have been spent on a funeral was given to the RNLI. MIL had been in the WRNS during the war. She was 96 when she died and had outlived most of her family and all her friends.

This seems infinitely more practical and sensible than a funeral.