Non traditional funeral/memorial service

I've seen memory days and "parties" a lot on USA crime programs (I don't mean fiction).

They wear t-shirts with a photo of the deceased and let go of balloons, and have a BBQ or something.

This might sound daft, but... When we had to out or cat down (Chloe was 13) and even rabbit (Barney was 12/13) after a private cremation, we had a day out in memory of them.

So with Barney we went ice skating (yeah I know, random or what) and Chloe we went to a tall place (she liked climbing high and pretending she was stuck).

Now it.could be you rent a hall, and show their fave film, or have a.party with fave music.

You of course can have them home in their coffin, if you'd rather than in a funeral parlor.... Of course there is a delay between dying and being hurried.

You could donate to science, and they sort out the rest!

I want.to be sent.to a body farm! It's where they do stuff with dead bodies to help find out how long and how people died, and how being "disposed" of in different circumstances affects all sorts.

There's plenty around to research unconventional burials or wakes.

our mum wasn't religious, so at a usual crematorium we played her favourite French music, wore pink her favourite colour and talked about her before we went out for a meal. It was great & I'd do it again.

I had a humanist celebrant for my dear late husband as he wasn't religious, his funeral was at a crematorium as I'm not that unconventional and his elderly mother may have been upset at anything too different.
We played his favourite music (rock and pop) rather than hymns and while the longer track was played the celebrant said that those who had a faith could offer a silent prayer. A eulogy was read out with inspirational poems, followed by tea/coffee/biscuits at a nearby hotel.

Some lovely ideas here for very personal and special ways to remember a loved one. I wish we’d had my Mum at home now the night before the funeral.

When I die I’m going to the nearest university medical school.
It was easy to arrange. DH can do what he likes then, probably a party at home, though I would like a short memorial at church first as I am Christian.

DH wants to be buried at sea ?. It is possible, but he won’t know if I can’t manage it any way. A woodland burial otherwise.

I hope you’ve got some ideas. I don’t think it’s morbid anyway.
It’s coming to us all, might as well talk about it first.

Nana4 thank you for your lovely comment, it is much appreciated and you are right, the day was all about our love for her. I realise that my feelings are perhaps a bit out of kilter with most of the other posters but I know that she would have loved the whole thing from start to finish. The grief process is so complex and individual to us all.

Thank you all - so many good ideas here and it’s comforting to me to know that others share my feelings about not wanting traditional (and, as many have pointed out, costly) services. I am definitely going to investigate “direct funerals/cremation” for myself and discuss what my DH’s wishes are for himself and get it all down in writing. Again, thanks for taking the time to respond to my post. It’s obviously a sensitive topic but it’s one that, especially as we age, we shouldn’t avoid. I can “hear” in so many of your descriptions, the love and peace you received from the very special memorials you designed for your loved ones.

For my husband we had a service by a civil celebrant, who had discussed it with him, outside at a wooden burial site. We all gathered there with the coffin already there. He was then taken away after we had left for a cremation with nobody there. We went on to celebrate his life at a wake at a venue where we had celebrated our 60th birthdays 4 years earlier.

I always feel that farewells, however they are done should be considered a vehicle for those left behind to process their loss. They are the ones who have to go on and live their lives without you so there is potential for that time to be a springboard into their futures. A good farewell draws a line and opens a door.

A non-religious funeral can be just as meaningful as a religious one, but please don't make the mistake a friend of mine did.

He forgot to ensure that someone would actually start the ceremony and we sat for ten minutes waiting for someone to do so.

Finally, I approached the nearest relation and asked if he was ready to say something. He wasn't, but asked me to start.

Apart from that it was a moving event, so please make sure that someone is prepared to take charge.

It isn't a morbid topic in my opinion, we all should think about what we want done, as we assuredly all will need a funeral one day.

Dear Nanamar I have planned a none religious funeral for my self which involves cremation and a scattering of ashes already. It's also paid for. My husband wants a pod burial so if i go after him I shall be scattered around his tree, none religious again. Neither of us are privy to any certain religion, both children are aware. It's not being morbid it's being prepared and relieving the family of worry. Xxx

My father died last month and we had a civil celebrant for the funeral. She read a potted history, my brother in law did some anecdotes, we had a selection of photos as a PowerPoint on continuous loop, and some appropriate music as intro, closure of the crematorium curtains, and outro.

Dad lost his faith whilst dealing with the bodies washing down the Hooghly from Partition inspired massacres further upstream, and we felt that a religious service would not be appropriate.

Most of the people who attended thought it had been a "good" funeral.

We were put in contact with the celebrant by the funeral directors.

I have lived a long and full interesting life and not being religious want my going to be a celebration of my life.. No black clothes or flowers.

Both my husband and I would like a woodland burial, with just close family present. Then maybe a memorial service a few weeks later for him, as he is quite well known in the area.

When my mother died we went to register her death and whilst at the registrars we found that one of their staff was trained to provide a "humanist" ceremony. She spent quite some time with us, finding out about our mother and her life, then wrote a piece about her. She sent this to us, so that we could discuss any changes we might like, and then conducted the service at the crematorium
This cut out all the quasi-religious stuff that you usually get at a cremitorium and we felt that it had been a good solution for a woman who was not religious.

No religion for me either.
I am simply leaving my body to medical science.
They can harvest what they want, use the leftovers as a teaching aid, then just dispose of the remains.
Sorted!

Reading all these comments just made me decide to write my own ‘after passing message’. To thank my loved ones, tell a few funny stories about my life , things / people that meant a lot, and a message , because I just realised what I most miss when someone has gone is their ‘voice’ . I love those scenes in old movies when the Will is read out ...and to my dear daughter I leave my dinner set ....etc

A humanist service is probably what you want.
My family has had several over the years as they are not at all interested in the church.

Does anyone have any ideas for the little memorial cards that used to be given out to mourners?

When my mother died, we had a cremation without a service arranged by local funeral directors and then her ashes were delivered to us shortly afterwards. We live in London but most of her family live in Lincolnshire. Mum was not at all religious and did not want to drag all her family down to London for a funeral so we buried her ashes in my Dad's grave up in Lincolnshire and the family came to a graveside ceremony where my cousin, who is a vicar, said some prayers and I read a lovely poem. The family all then had a buffet lunch together and it was really happy and meaningful. It was also much cheaper as there was no funeral to pay for and we did all the burial arrangements ourselves through the local Council. The only drawback was that it took a long time for the cremation to happen - four weeks - and then a few weeks before the burial.

As has been mentioned earlier Thecatshatongemat ,they will jot always accept a body.
My mum donated her body to Medical Research.
After she died there was no funeral but we had a Memorial Service which was lovely and some years later she was cremated.
I was asked by the person at the Crematorium to write down some things about my mum.
I did that .
He read them out at the Service.
We were the only two people there.!

We have decided to not have a direct cremation - for us that’s too cold blooded! .... but to be taken to the crem, escorted by a few family members, background music playing, where they can sit, stay or go when they want - certainly no service. I think it’s important for the ones left behind to accompany you to the crem. and say their goodbyes.

Like aggie, I would have liked a religious funeral, with the hymns we chose at "our" wedding - BUT my family don't go to Church; they wouldn't know the hymns, and those hymns probably wouldn't mean anything to them, anyway. So, with our funerals arranged via "Funeral Plans, we opted for a simple cremation with the family officiating. My sister is Executrix for me, so she can choose what she wants - though I've written down the music I'd like for the "entrance" Bryan Adams singing "Everything I do - I do it for you" and "exit" with Celine Dion singing "I am your Angel". As aggie said, I won't be there anyway - so if they choose something else, I won't know anything about it! If I'm still here after hubby, I will have the Church Service he would have wanted, with our Wedding Hymns - even if I'm the only one singing (I'll book a choir anyway, as my voice may not be up to scratch on the day!).

I''ve been to a religious funeral today in church, and although I am a non believer, I thought it was a really lovely service. I enjoyed singing the hymns, something which I do miss at non religious ceremonies, and all the family participated, which was moving and personal.

When the vicar did the religious stuff I had just thought quietly about all those I care for. Although it was not something I would want for myself, it was clearly so meaningful for the family.

I'm glad we have more choice these days, and don't have to follow convention if we don't want to, as was the case not so long ago.

For my DH I had a Celebrant but with the addition of one hymn. His closest friend had written a lovely Eulogy which on the day he couldn't read out so the Celebrant read it. I had a meeting with the Celebrant before the Cremation so he had some insight into my DH's life & interests. We had a small family gathering at home afterwards, his ashes are buried at the Crematorium.

I have since moved to be nearer DD & GSs, my DD knows I wish to be Cremated & my ashes taken to the Garden of Remembrance at Football Club I have followed all my life.

Been to a few non religious funerals with Celebrants. DDs funeral last year was private 30 mourners and her favourite music played. Also been to a mo funeral but celebration of life as body was gifted for research. Also celebration of life as no cremation/funeral. Person was taken from funeral home direct to crematorium, no service, no mourners but family had celebration of life 3 weeks later. The latter is what I am going for.