Gransnet forums


Will you leave a letter?

(87 Posts)
Artdecogran Sun 08-Mar-20 14:14:47

Will you leave letters behind for your loved ones when you die and if so, what would you say. One of my AC has said he was sad that his dad hadn’t left something in writing. I had asked my husband to do something but he couldn’t face doing it. I’m planning on leaving messages for everyone but am worried that they would be repetitive. What would you do?

Katyj Sun 08-Mar-20 14:28:19

No I won’t be leaving a letter. If I need to say anything I’d rather say it whilst I’m still able. My mum has left a letter for me,under strict instructions not to open until she has passed, I’m not looking forward to it, I would think it could be very upsetting.

Shandy57 Sun 08-Mar-20 14:32:31

I've been thinking about leaving my kids a letter, they were also very upset their Dad hadn't left anything for them. I've already bought a book of poems and included it in my will pack for each of my best friends, I will be including a letter with that.

I hope your letter from your Mum isn't upsetting Katyj. My auntie left me a letter with strict instructions not to open it but I couldn't resist - it was lovely. I'd better not go before her now, I hadn't even thought of writing her one!

crazyH Sun 08-Mar-20 14:34:17

Yes, I would like to leave letters to each one - just thanking them for the different ways they have brought happiness in my life. I could write volumes on the worries they have brought me, but my final letter will focus on the positive .

wildswan16 Sun 08-Mar-20 14:39:39

I think writing a letter and leaving it with your will etc is a nice idea. We all hope to have comforting conversations with our loved ones before we die, but if you get hit by the Number 7 bus on the way home - that might not happen.

M0nica Sun 08-Mar-20 14:49:20

It would never occur to me, unless there was a very specific reason. I tell them how much I love them, respect and admire them regularly, I do not need to let them know after the event,

Kandinsky Sun 08-Mar-20 14:50:37

I think it’s a lovely thing to do and something I probably will do yes.

Callistemon Sun 08-Mar-20 15:21:51

No, I won't, although I am thinking of sticking labels on everything, eg, do not put this in the skip, send to charity; do not bin, give this to the craft group etc etc.

Callistemon Sun 08-Mar-20 15:23:12

Oh, I see.

No, I saw what a friend had put on FB recently, saying tell me you love me now, don't come to my funeral saying how you meant to say that.

Davida1968 Sun 08-Mar-20 15:29:10

I hadn't thought of this until now. (Even though DH and I have each completed our LPAs and are also in the process of doing "end of life" statements.) Thanks, Artdecogran, for raising this issue. I'll certainly want to do "a letter".

shysal Sun 08-Mar-20 15:31:54

I have typed a list of will and bank account details, people to contact, funeral wishes (for none) etc., and just added a short paragraph at the end saying that being a mother and grandmother has been my greatest joy.

BlueBelle Sun 08-Mar-20 15:33:39

I have already done that I wrote one when I was in my 40 s and had a health scare that turned out to be nothing I ve written another since and they are both with my paperwork

My parents didn’t but I have the last birthday card my Dad wrote to me with a lovely message it was literally 2 weeks after my birthday that he died It is now framed on my bedroom wall and I often read that short message which just says To my darling daughter ——, Heaps of love Dad xxx
in his beautiful handwriting that never changed in all his 92 years
It’s precious to me

Gaunt47 Sun 08-Mar-20 15:46:25

No I won't be, and my parents didn't. We were a close family and were always in touch.
Can I just mention that it is enormously useful and life enhancing if grandparents could put together a scrap book of their lives for grandchildren and those who come after? Experiences, a few photos perhaps, memories, souvenirs, when they first saw a TV and other technological gizmos which children take for granted nowadays. There are books, and probably online guidance for all I know, to help putting such a book together.

BlueSky Sun 08-Mar-20 16:37:35

No because I think it would be too upsetting for my DC and DGC. Anyway I tell them regularly that I love them and they do the same.

BlueSky Sun 08-Mar-20 16:47:51

BlueBelle that reminded me. I too kept the last birthday card my parents sent me.

MamaCaz Sun 08-Mar-20 16:57:47

Possibly, if I knew I was dying, and felt up to it, I might leave some letters.

More important than that though, yesterday I finally had that all-important 'what do you want to happen when you die' conversation that I have wanted to have for some time now. It was actually with one of my lovely dils (initiated by her!), rather than one of my sons, but no less important for that smile

Witzend Sun 08-Mar-20 17:03:39

My mother left one, written before she had the dementia that lasted for around 15 years.
By the time she died at 97 she hadn’t known any of us for a long time, so it was lovely to have that letter - it was like having her former self back again.

I hope I get around to writing one before I go doolally, or get run over by a bus or something. Possibly coronavirus now, eeek, I’d better find a pen and paper....

MamaCaz Sun 08-Mar-20 17:04:03

But it doesn't take a letter.
We were never a touchy-feely family, but the week before my terminally-ill dad died, he blew a kiss as I left his house after a visit. He knew the end was very near, and that one action spoke a thousand words, and will stay in my memory for ever.

MamaCaz Sun 08-Mar-20 17:05:30

OMG, I wish I hadn't posted. I'm in tears now.

MamaCaz Sun 08-Mar-20 17:06:59

And 'once in a lifetime' is playing on the radio, making it even worse!

Witzend Sun 08-Mar-20 17:10:15

Just to add, while she was still with it and relatively organised, my mother put all necessary information/instructions and a copy of her will, i.e. everything that would be needed by executors, plus her letter, in a particular briefcase, so that we’d know what to look for after she died.

I doubt she’d ever envisaged going on for so long after she lost mental capacity, but I keep thinking that dh and I should do the same, and inform dds about where to find it.

Esther1 Sun 08-Mar-20 18:23:42

I am impressed at how organised you all seem to be. It has made me think - it wouldn’t have occurred to me to write a letter. I wish my Mum and Dad had.

bikergran Sun 08-Mar-20 18:29:12

I would have loved my late dh to have left me a letter somewhere.

Chestnut Sun 08-Mar-20 18:38:52

Gaunt47 Can I just mention that it is enormously useful and life enhancing if grandparents could put together a scrap book of their lives for grandchildren and those who come after?
Absolutely! I think it's important to leave something of yourself behind. No-one knows your life as well as you do, especially with the passing of time. There are so many things that change during a lifetime and these changes will be fascinating to the younger ones when they themselves get older. Some of the GN threads contain detailed nostalgic memories of life in the 1950s for instance but how many grans write those memories down for their family?

BlueSky Sun 08-Mar-20 19:03:21

MamaCaz same here your post brought tears to my eyes.