Will you leave a letter?

When he was dying my dad got his partner to write a letter to me and my sister saying how much he and mum loved us and were proud of us. This really, really upset me because in sixty odd years he'd never said anything like that to me. I grew up thinking I wasn't good enough.

I've always told my DD and DGS how much I love them and praise them a lot.

I think maybe I will write a letter whilst still here.
We sometimes don’t have/make the time to say how we feel.
So perhaps put aside a little time & write them now.

My Dad always said that l should write a book, stories of my life and Nursing days, but it will never happen, too many home truths and horror stories from my childhood, a dark place that thankfully l have moved on from and have no wish to revisit, either by writing it down, or reliving it in my mind, its just too much emotional pain to ever revisit. Thankfully the main culprits have passed away now, and my life with my DH and DDs has been a fairly happy one, but certainly l wont be leaving them letter to be opened after l have gone.

My dad died recently and while clearing out the family home my sister and I came across letters that my mum had written to us both. I'm not sure when she'd written them but I suspect it was when she was very ill and was worried she might not have time to say a proper goodbye - and as it turned out, she was correct and didn't in the end. Why dad didn't give them to us before now I don't know, but he was a difficult character unfortunately.

They were incredibly moving letters, telling us how much she loved us and how proud she was of us both, and that she wished she'd told us that more often. She encouraged us to always be kind to each other, acknowledging how irritating sisters can be(!) but asking us to always look out for each other.

I'ts lovely to have these words from her, eight years after she died. I miss her terribly, but her letter has obviously been written with so much love from a mum and I feel very privileged to be her daughter.

I have written letters for my husband and boys. Also two friends... but they have since been destroyed!!!... so be careful what you pen!!!...... and remember what you have put down, but the letters can be updated over the years as your family grows. I think it’s a lovely idea. But yes, agree nothing is more important than actual saying to the people in person the words I LOVE YOU

I'm glad to be reminded of this. I did do letters some years ago but it's time to hunt them out and re-write them as some circumstances have changed.

I have written letters to my children and grandchildren which are with my will. I left them with my solicitor and I also have copies at home kept with a copy of my will. I’ve never been left a letter by any family and now I’ve written mine I often wish my parents had and what they would say. Obviously I’ll rewrite the letters if circumstances change.

I did leave letters for members of my family when I was in hospital for surgery, just in case I didn't survive . We're not good in my family about saying how we feel, so I thought that letters were better than nothing .

The only letters my Mum and Dad left me was a box of their love letters, written 60+ years ago, which I have still not been able to open. One day ...

My father left me a letter with his will. I have never sobbed so much in my life when I read his words and have never been able to read it again. I’m crying just typing this. Was it a good thing? I think so as his words from beyond the grave were a huge surprise.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My Mum left a "letter" in the family deed box. In fact it wasnt actually a letter, just a list of what she didnt want at her funeral.
No Dear Family.....love.Mum; basically like a shopping list!!

A friend of my eldest son lost his Mum relatively early. She had left him a letter after she had sadly lost her cancer battle. He told me how much it meant to him and he will keep it forever, so that made me do the same for my 3 and am also doing letters for my 5 GC.

I think it's a wonderful idea.I want to leave a letter or note for all family members.I want it to include a personal memory and to say thank you for having been such a wonderful part of my life.I guess I should do it sooner rather than later as none of us know when our time will come.

no letters from me.. say it now.... anyway, I shall only be in the room next door,,,,, with them in spirit.

What a lovely idea - not one I’d thought of but will definitely do so now. I keep meaning to put something together for the Grandchildren too ....Yes, I probably do need to write out details of what is where, and remember to update it when things change. I’m hoping to start up a ‘Death Cafe’ locally soon so it will be interesting to hear what others think and have put in place. The only two things I’m clear about are that I want to be cremated and for Louis Armstrong’s “What a wonderful world” to be played at whatever ritual or gathering takes place after my death. The rest of the arrangements I’m going to leave up to the children so that they can mark the occasion however they wish.

Sirchenjin ... thank goodness your father didn't throw them away!!
Such a bitter sweet find.

CarlyD7 grannytotwins ...

It seems to depend on the circumstances surrounding our family history as to what we hope to hear ‘from the grave’. My parents both died within months of each other and I was foolishly searching for those final words that told me that they loved me. When I found an envelope ‘to be opened after our death’ it was not really what I hoped for. It was simply saying the property and chattels to be split equally between my brother and I and any jewellery to me. Sadly my brother had died some 25 years before so it was clearly and old ‘letter’ and still no endearing words left for me - he was the favourite! I’d give my inheritance back to have one more day with each of them to ask all the questions left unanswered.
If you leave letters, be positive, be nice, be kind but most importantly be loving.

When updating our wills recently I wanted a sum of money to be left to sons and DILs and grandchildren. We went back to the solicitor because the initial Will was so formal - now everyone is mentioned by name and the gift.
As somebody who was disinherited - this action broke me in so many ways. So far this is the first step in leaving loving kindness behind. I think that was the easy bit - I now need to write an individual note too. This post is a good reminder to get on with it!! ??

We are in the process right now and sorting out what information might be needed and where DD and DS can find it.

I have written my life story which was quite an ordeal as it wasn’t a happy childhood. It is to be read after I am gone as I don’t want to have to answer questions.

My mother left me a letter, I only read a few lines as it appeared to be an apology for the kind of mother she had been. I couldn’t read it and gave it to my DD to look after and maybe read some day but she has lost it. It’s a shame as it might have helped her to understand who I am.

Yes I will leave letters for my 4AC, in fact I have written for them each time I have had surgery, just in case something went wrong. So each time I recover I have to write a fresh one. I was thinking about re-doing them this week as the corona virus is getting closer and I'm in one of the worrying categories.
It's not that I don't tell them how proud I am of them, all the time, and we are a very huggy, loving family, but I want them to have something they can look at for years after I'm gone. My Mum gave me a big envelope a month before she died with instructions not to open it until she'd gone. There were treasured birthday cards from me in it and little notes telling me how she loved me and how proud of me and my 4AC she was. I treasure it.

Twice in one day!Wish my mum had left a letter for me,since she died,in fact in the last three weeks,I have discovered that I have a sister living in New Zealand, something I had no idea about.What a shock,I thought I was an only one for all of my seventy four years,has anything like this happened to anyone else?

I think it’s a comforting thing to do for the people left behind. Nothing fancy or too gushing - the comment in an earlier post about being a mother and grandmother being my greatest joy seems to say it all!

When my mum died (very suddenly and unexpectedly) I was half a world away. I lived with the shock and disbelief for several months afterwards and as I sorted out all her life’s belongings after the funeral kept telling myself that I would find a letter or note from her - written just for me - it would have been been so comforting and help with bringing closure.

Because of these memories I plan to write a simple personal note to my children and grandchildren and tuck them away with my will.