Time for another great Gransnet story!

Yes, well mind your dibber out there.
I must make a cake for great aunty Maud.

Aye, 98, but I’m on Viagra so still time to propagate. Talking of which I must get out into the vegetable patch and prepare the seed beds

But my love, my turtle dove.
You're 98 next week.

We have all the time in the world.

....to the music of time.
But, do we have much of that........,

Would out in the garden do?
Anyway, enough of that, my cherub.
Dance!

As long as I can be Baby, but I don’t want to be put in the corner.

Pretend you're Patrick Swayze and do some dirty dancing..

Crack open the champagne!
?

But very very fit. Forget the tea let's ....

It was the milkman, but he only had UHT.

But it won’t fit me said Fido sadly

There was a knock on the door.

Put the kettle on Fido

Unlike the teabags on the windowsill. The first dog looked up at them and said...

but alas, no perforations ..........

...full of toilet paper.

They were wearing coats as well and in the panniers on each side were .....

The St. Bernards were slobbering so much the soap bubble -up immediately.

They had little barrels round their necks, copying St. Bernard’s, but instead of rum, the barrels contained bars of Pears and Wrights Coal Tar soap.

In charged three enormous Great Danes

“There is no soap! What can we use instead?

Good grief! There's gooey, sticky fondant everywhere!! Quick, where's the soap, we're all covered in the stuff!

They all fell silent, the wind was now howling around the windows. Suddenly there was a crash and the candles fluttered and died.

Arghhhhhhhhh

He's an expert in his line and clears up after.

“Well, I could do with an eyebrow lift”