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Old fashioned or fair.

(38 Posts)
vampirequeen Wed 18-Mar-20 07:30:35

I grew up in the Sixties and therefore am the last generation to grow up pre Women's Lib. Don't get me wrong I don't want to go back to unequal rights but I look at young women today and can't get over some of them. My upbringing taught me that marriage was a public/domestic sphere partnership. The man going to work and the woman being in charge of the home. I know things have changed these days and woman go to work full time too so both have to pull their weight at home but I'm talking about women who don't work whilst their husbands do.

I know one family where the mother drops the children off at school then spends the next six hours doing absolutely nothing. The house is a filthy tip. Her husband tries to clean up before he goes to work then does more when he gets home but he's fighting a losing battle and the poor man is exhausted.

I can't help thinking the is so wrong. If a man works and his wife doesn't the he shouldn't have to do much of the day to day running of the house. Surely that's the woman's job. She says he makes a mess too so he can clean up. But equally she makes a mess and doesn't clean up.

Is it my age that makes me cross at her attitude or her attitude itself?

Lilyflower Wed 18-Mar-20 13:08:27

If one person goes out to work to support the family the one left at home should pick up most of the housework, cooking and ironing etc. unless they both choose to pay help to do it. It's not sexist, it is fair.

Letting someone go out to work and come home to a tip and no dinner is inconsiderate and lazy.

IMHO. But I am a judgemental old bat.

Newatthis Wed 18-Mar-20 13:26:19

It's up to hime to tell her. He obviously lets her get away with it.

PennyWhistle Wed 18-Mar-20 13:28:25

I still work full time but DH only works part time - so he does the bulk of the house work. This means that we can both enjoy weekends together without fuss. We agreed this roleshare approach years ago when he gave up work to look after our two DDs.

The home may not be pristine - but it is home smile

EthelJ Wed 18-Mar-20 13:34:02

I don't really think it is for us to comment.we don't know the full facts. No one except tje couple concerned can know what is happening. There may be more happening than you are aware.

Ohmother Wed 18-Mar-20 14:12:12

I agree. Someone else’s business is stressing you out. Keep your nose out and calm down.

Baggs Wed 18-Mar-20 14:28:51

Maybe she's writing a book.

travelsafar Wed 18-Mar-20 14:45:50

Dont even get me started on this.............

benhamslc Wed 18-Mar-20 15:14:30

My friend turned round to her live in boyfriend 15+ years together, when he moaned about her being lazy said we didn't get together for my cleaning skills and cut him short, she does work part time, we all kept quiet.

narrowboatnan Wed 18-Mar-20 15:37:01

'No she's definitely not ill in any way, shape or form. She's simply bone bloody idle.'

That is very judgemental. There are some illnesses that cannot be seen from the outside. When I was a student nurse I went out with a community mental health nurse. He had a patient to visit whose house was, as you would describe it, a tip and that person just sat around doing nothing. But he was not idle, not at all. He was extremely unwell with depression that was so debilitating that he was almost catatonic. This community nurse simply rolled up his sleeves and did the washing up while I had a quick tidy. We were not being judgemental, not at all, because that nurse knew that by doing what little we could would make the patient feel a tiny bit better.

So, how do you know that this young mother does not have similar problems? Maybe taking the children to school is the best that her illness will allow her to do.

Judge not, lest ye too be judged (or something like that!)

Aepgirl Wed 18-Mar-20 16:23:39

That’s not equality, it’s just laziness. How sad for her husband that he has to do it all. Surely that marriage can’t last.

Pap67 Thu 19-Mar-20 00:02:06

Hm999 👍🏻
I’m afraid having little ones home
all day is a full time job in it own right.. dust will always be there, washing can wait til evening but they stay little for such a short time and Need our time and company. Doing chores together can be fun.. but god forbid the house is a mess! Nobody’s business but yours and your other half... if ppl don’t like it... ask them to help......

Hawera1 Thu 19-Mar-20 03:42:28

Agree with you. I've met people like that and the marriages didn't last forever. If there's children involved he probably wants to keep the marriage intact. I know it's hard but bite your tongue and move on.