Might this be allowed?

Franbern, I know exactly how you feel. At a far lower level of togetherness. we discussed throwing in our lot with our DD, who lives alone and is currently working from home. She would come to us, we have a big house and we could give her a separate room with a desk to work from undisturbed, but in the end we all came to the conclusion that we were best staying in our own homes with our own things around us and following our own domestic routines. We ring and Zoom regularly. plus talk to other relatives and friends and are all doing OK.

Glad you've made a decision Lucky you know we are here if you need us.

Woops, don't know my own age!! It is my 79th birthday I will be having in June - I am trying to be optimistic and going ahead with arrangements for my 80th next year.

I must admit that I have given serious thought to doing this. Packing up and going to stay with my daughter and her family a few streets away. To have company and people to talk to,. Decided against it not for CV reasons, but as my Son in Law there is in total self-isolation in their bedroom, she is having to use the normal spare bed for herself. Also, did wonder how I would cope living with so many other people week on week, when I have, happily, lived the past twenty years on my own.
Decided to stay put in my own flat, able to pick my own mealtimes, tv programmes, have my own bed, chair, etc. Using phone and skype, etc to keep in touch with all family members (but it is not the same as real contact).
I am 78 in a few weeks time - and still go out once a week to do the oldies shopping hour at Sainsburys.

Consider a brief phone chat with your doctor. Your circumstances are unique, but the risks are real. He might be able to help you sort them out.

I echo that sentiment NFK Dumpling
My D and I would not get on for any length of time.
We speak every day on the phone but sharing a house? No.
My own Mother and I were the same.

I echo Chewbacca's post. You need to be where you're most comfortable. You have lovely daughter's - mine haven't offered - but then, we have problems living together for more than a week. My DM had a saying about two women and one kitchen which I can't properly remember.

As long as you feel comfortable with your decision all is well. And lovely to have such a good daughter - obviously a credit to her upbringing.

On Mother's Day we were having DD1 and family and DD2 and her son for tea. DD2 (DGS2) almost 2 yo threw a temp of 39 for no apparent reason. Stopped DD1 at door and they went home (poor DGD age 3 was distraught). No info at that point on children with high temp so phoned 111 for advice. Told we were classed as family unit and to self isolate as per instructions even though could be a cold/teething whatever. Since then DD2 and DGS2 have been living with us as she is a single parent and we do child care. Has been much easier for me and her as I help a lot and though we only live 7 minutes away it has meant I don't need to go to her house which is against the lockdown rules. Just come out of self isolation (toddler got better in 3 days without any other symptoms apart from grouchy). No one else became ill. Have not been able to see DD1 or her family since though we FaceTime and DSiL has dropped off food and milk at our door. They are in a different county. So I guess I would say yes go for it if you have self isolated then it is really much easier and less worrying for the family if you are with them. Today I went out for a shop at Tesco for first time and was very nervous keeping away from everyone. Staff are doing well but people come too near for my comfort - mainly young people who don't seem to get it and men of varying ages who seem to be treating it as a joke!

dear Lucky, you have made the right decision.
the point about your daughter was one of the points that i was thinking.
the risk to your health is potentially a risk to your daughter;s.
if anything happened to you after being there, she would feel so guilty, be difficult to get over. so we have to think how things might affect other people, whatever we are willing to risk ourselves. i think bereavement feels overwhelming wherever we are, and sometimes the presence of a family unit/ partnership can emphasise our own sense of loneliness.
keep in touch with them and friends by internet video etc.
i wish you all the very best. keep in touch with us too please.

Glad that you've reached a decision that your settled with Luckygirl, it was a difficult decision to make. You can always reconsider in the future if you need to, but hopefully, the current situation won't last too much longer. Fingers crossed.

I'm sure you've made the right decision, Lucky. Take advantage of all the internet communication facilities available to keep in touch with your family and keep chatting on Gransnet.

We're all in it for the long haul and we're all here for eachother.

Thank you all for your thoughtful posts. I discussed it with my DD this afternoon and I have decided to stay put for the time being and see how I go. Lots of friends and family have been in touch today and that has been good for lifting the spirits.

My feeling is that going there will undoubtedly increase my risk of getting the virus - SIL is happy going out to get shopping and I would not like to interfere with that at all. I think he needs to do that in order not to go stir crazy. Over and above everything else I think it is very important that I do everything to avoid infection, as my DDs have been through so much watching over their father's last 10 days - it was hell - and I do not want them to be put through anything similar on my behalf. So I need to stay as well as I can.

I am sure that family and friends will do all they can to prevent a repeat of the depression that happened before.

It is very kind of you all to give thought to my dilemma.

I’m like Merlotgran. I’d have to be happy it would work logistically. I’d need to do all the whataboutifs.

But I know I’m a head over heart. I always ask how is that going to work!
If you’re heart over head you see things differently.

It’s a tough call.

I'm concerned about advice to return home if anyone in your DD's household becomes infected. For a start, I doubt this would be allowed.

You would be on your own again not knowing if you are also infected. If you become ill you will have nothing in place in terms of recent food deliveries. Do you have regular prescriptions and are these being delivered to your current address or would they have been re-directed to your daughter's?

DH laughs that my planning is like a military campaign but it's the only way I feel confident that things will fall into place now we can no longer 'pop out' if something is overlooked.

There's a lot to consider, Lucky. I do agree with those who are concerned about your mental health but if things are working well for you logistically at the moment, I think it might be a case of head over heart.

Just a practical consideration in your decision making.
Would your house insurance be valid for a prolonged absence?We do not know how long this will last and an empty house would be vulnerable and your insurance may not cover that risk.
I hope you can make the best possible choice.

Given the exhausting and distressing period before your bereavement you must be at a very low ebb just now. Being loved and useful with your DD could be what you need to help you recover. Like the GP quoted said, mental health is just as important as physical health, and has a great impact on how well you are.

I echo what Kitty has said.

If it doesn’t work out or the virus comes into the house, then you can isolate by returning home. Your lovely DD asked you to come out of love and concern. I’m sure she’s thought it all through and she knows you well. XX

My heart would say of course go and live with your family. But my head tells me stay where you are away from any other human being.

Very difficult decision. lucky you are more than able to balance the risk, you will make the correct choice whatever it is.

Lucky, I think that those of us who have 'known' you for a while remember your mental health problem a while ago and would not want you to experience that again. I feel that is of huge importance.

Summerlove does that mean you would watch someone drown or be murdered because it breached the rules about social distancing? Or would you use your commonsense and rush to help?

M0nica
Good common sense reasoning, well said!

Of course go, you don't need permission use common sense.

This is part of the reason there is a lockdown!!

What is common sense to one person is not to another. This is why there are rules.

As a local GP said to a friend recently your mental health is as important as your physical health. There are risks attached to going and to staying alone. It’s clearly your decision lucky, I can’t say for sure what I’d do in your position but my instinct says I’d go. Sending love.

I would go lucky I truly would . Please go.

I wish beyond every wish that I could bring my DD and her baby here with us .