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Might this be allowed?

(86 Posts)
Luckygirl Sun 05-Apr-20 17:46:06

One of my DDs (who lives just a few minutes away) has asked me to go and join their household for the duration of the lockdown. Her argument is that they are observing all the rules (so I would be at no more physical risk|) and she is concerned for my mental health as I have just been widowed.

I can see her logic; and looking it up on internet it seems that many have done something similar: created a combined household to make sure an older relative is properly cared for. In my case I do not need care; but the total isolation is very hard for me at this moment, because of being newly bereaved.

My inclination is to thank her but say that I think it probably breaks the spirit of the rules, and I should not do it.

What would you do?

Baggs Sun 05-Apr-20 17:50:34

There are times when rules are not the most important thing. I think this case of your possibly joining your family is one of those times because of your bereavement.

GrannySomerset Sun 05-Apr-20 17:51:57

I can’t see how joining your DD and family is adding to the risk of spreading CV though I suppose you would need to self isolate for 7 days when you moved in. Is the family keeping itself to itself or is anyone working? That might increase the risk to you, but in your circumstances I would go.

DanniRae Sun 05-Apr-20 17:51:57

I would definitely go and live with my's a no brainer to me.

Dottygran59 Sun 05-Apr-20 17:53:41

Oh Lucky, just do it. If it’s what you all want then, please, just do it. So sorry for your loss. If there is room and it was me I would there in a heartbeat. And yes, I am following rules to the letter.

kittylester Sun 05-Apr-20 17:57:12

Definitely go, lucky!

Riverwalk Sun 05-Apr-20 17:57:41

It's 'allowed' in that you won't get arrested but it is against all advice.

How old are you Lucky and are you in tip-top health? And presumably your daughter has young children?

Unless my mental health were seriously at risk I'd be inclined to stay put.

Jane10 Sun 05-Apr-20 17:57:58

You'll just be becoming part of that family unit. Provided you all stick to the rules when outside I'm sure it's for the best for you.

Smileless2012 Sun 05-Apr-20 18:00:39

I would go Luckygirl but think as GrannySommerset has suggested that you should self isolate for the first 7 days just to be on the safe side.

NotTooOld Sun 05-Apr-20 18:09:07

I think I'd stay put if a member of your daughter's family is going out to work. Even if that's not the case they are probably going to the supermarket. Would you be happier with your daughter? Even if it's for another three or four months? Might you not prefer your own chair, your own bed, your own home? Would you all get along together for that length of time? At least your daughter is nearby should you need her, it's not as if you are totally alone in the neighbourhood. Sorry, I expect that's not very helpful. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Luckygirl Sun 05-Apr-20 18:09:40

I am 71 with atrial fibrillation, so in an at risk group - albeit not a serious risk. My mental health is up and down - some days I grab life with both hands and get on with lots of things; others I am a weeping heap, which is probably par for the course after such a recent bereavement.

My DD's family are obeying all the rules; Son-IL does go out to supermarket when supplies are needed. I am not out at all (except to walk in isolated scenario) as I have been having supplies delivered. I guess the physical risk to me would be marginally greater there as one individual is going out to shop, but all the rules are being followed.

I am in two minds about this.

Luckygirl Sun 05-Apr-20 18:10:05

No-one is going out to work - they run their own business from home.

Luckygirl Sun 05-Apr-20 18:13:08

I am not concerned about relationships breaking down - we have often holidayed together amicably and we took them in for several months when they had a house fire, and that worked well.

I hear what you are saying NotTooOld and I agree on my good days; but the weepy heap days are really not good at all.

GagaJo Sun 05-Apr-20 18:14:12

If they would agree to total isolation (with grocery deliveries, SIL not going out) and if they totally isolated for 14 days BEFORE you go, it should be ok.

ValerieF Sun 05-Apr-20 18:19:27

The duration of the lockdown? Luckygirl...just remember nobody knows how long this is likely to be. Am not saying don't go but will you have your own room at your daughters? Living in someone else's house sometimes proves difficult, no matter how much you love them. I wouldn't like it to be honest. I think I just like my own bed, my own t.v. being able to choose what I want and not what anyone else wants?

Only you know how you would feel about abandoning your own home for what could be months? Or maybe not if you decide to go home in a couple of weeks. Who would actually know? Just don't go out and about in the meantime.

Good luck. Stay safe.

merlotgran Sun 05-Apr-20 18:20:28

Would you be able to transfer your food deliveries to your DD's address, Luckygirl?

This would be beneficial to all of you because it would mean your SiL not having to go to the supermarket for supplies.

GrannyGravy13 Sun 05-Apr-20 18:20:47

Our DD and GC came to us on "lockdown day" she had been extremely careful for the preceding 7 days, but had to shop for baby formula nappies etc. In your shoes I would go.

GrannyLaine Sun 05-Apr-20 18:23:04

Luckygirl as long as you are joining their household for the duration and (a) they have been strict (and continue to be so) about social distancing and (b) no one in the new combined household is in the vulnerable category then I think you should go. I see no need for you to wait 14 days, assuming no one is showing coronavirus symptoms. For you, at this particular time, I think it would be extremely beneficial

Septimia Sun 05-Apr-20 18:27:55

It seems to me that you won't be taking any chance of infection to them and they pose little threat to you, especially if they have food delivered in future.

It may not strictly be what the rules say, but you won't be a danger to anyone if you then stay put.

Greymar Sun 05-Apr-20 18:32:04

I wonder of there is some sort of help line you could ring for advice?

Luckygirl Sun 05-Apr-20 18:40:54

It is a difficult decision. I think my SonIL would continue to shop at the supermarket as he finds it hard not to go out at all - and clearly I could not interfere with that.

Apart from the fact of having company there, I would also be able to exercise in the large meadow at the back of their home; and sit by one of the lovely ponds. It would be a lovely environment to be in.

I do not think there is any risk of me giving them the virus as I am not unwell and have had 3 weeks of self-isolating.

Decisions, decisions!

maddyone Sun 05-Apr-20 18:41:45

If both yourself and your family have stayed at home for the last fourteen days, no shopping trips etc then it should be safe and possible for you to change households. Obviously you will have considered whether or not you would have your own room, I wouldn’t recommend you go if not, the bathroom and kitchen arrangements, provision of food, and whether anyone in the household is a key worker. Remember it may well be for a considerable time and you may miss your independence. If you feel you can cope with all that and that you will benefit by going, then go.

Curlywhirly Sun 05-Apr-20 18:45:30

I can't see any problem with you going; as long as the shopping is delivered, I would go for it. You have shared your house with them before, and there were no problems, you obviously get on well together.

merlotgran Sun 05-Apr-20 18:50:37

I think my SonIL would continue to shop at the supermarket as he finds it hard not to go out at all

I think the risk is of them passing on the virus to you and not the other way around, Luckygirl

BlueSky Sun 05-Apr-20 18:53:21

If it was me I would go, these are exceptional circumstances as well as the added sorrow of your recent bereavement. You will need it for your mental health, as well as for practical reasons. You also seem OK with the idea so why not?