Daily challenge #5 (Tues 7 April) - give us your lockdown limericks

You been spying on me Cari ?

There once was a lady from Hull
Who missed going out on the pull
"It's no fun," she said,
"Being alone in my bed,
And sleeping is quite frankly, dull"

There was an old lady in Troon
who thought she lived on the moon
she was a bit hard wired
and luny inspired
but hoped to get back to the toon!

One bad one!

An old boy from the wee town of Louth
Was feeling quite down in the mouth
Till he saw a wee lass
With a nice shapely ass
But lockdown had his hopes far south

There was an old woman called Pat
Whose legs were incredibly fat
She bought some new jeans
That that soon split at the seams
And said I'd have best bought a hat!!

There once was a woman from Crewe
Who didn't know quite what to do.
I sit here on my on
Like an old garden stone
I might as well be painted blue.

Or even, on my own!

There was a young fellow from Ayr
Who went with his girl to the fair
In a fast dodgem car,
He went much too far
And now they're no longer a pair.

I woke today around ten,
thought 'I'll put on the telly again!'
Then I had a nap,
and then fed the cat,
then started all over again!

Coffee mornings and book club by Zoom
Frequent jokes via WhatsApp - ba boom!
Skyping my pals
(the cheeriest gals)
From the comfort of my sitting room

With the virus I have a routine
Get up early and get myself clean
Put on make up then Zoom
To enliven the gloom
Then out walking to enjoy the scene.

Boris set out to inspire us
Obey lock down so that we can admire us
But now in icu hell
We all wish him well
And hope that he fights off the virus

There is an old Nan in south Devon
Who thinks that she lives in heaven
But now she's locked in
She keeps drinking gin
And doesn't know if it's midnight or seven.

Chocolate sitting on hips
Hair growing long on top lips
What can we do
To get us all through
Anyone got any tips?

Chocolate sitting on hips
Hair growing long on top lips
What can we do
To get us all through
Anyone got any tips?

Oops that wasn't nice
I seem to have posted twice
I know I'm an ass
But please let it pass
At least it wasn't thrice!

Here I sit in isolation,
Keeping apart from the Nation
My waistline is blooming
From the crap I'm consuming
Out of boredom and frustration

This lock down is feeling a bit sad
I'm hoping I don't go mad
As I love being at home
Much too idle to roam
And thus far the weather's not bad.

There was a young lady from Leith,
Who had terribly crooked teeth.
The dentist fixed them
Now they're an item,
And soon, she'll be married to Keith.

The lockdown is dreary, you say,
But the sun is quite nice here today,
So I've trundled my barrow
through paths straight and narrow,
piled logs. I'll be at it til May.

I've finally cut my long grass,
It took a lot more than one pass,
The tower's exhausted,
But that's cos I forced it,
And, sadly, I've run out of gas!

Damn it! It's the mower that's exhausted!