Gransnet forums


Have I just lost a friend?

(169 Posts)
ExD Sat 25-Apr-20 14:44:41

I have just spent 30 mins on the phone trying to pacify a friend who is saying she's NOT going to follow guidelines and she's FED UP with lockdown and her life isn't worth living because even if she and her DH do risk going out for a drive they can't stop for an ice cream or a drink at a country pub, and she doesn't see why we are expected to live like this.
I asked her what the alternative was and she said just go out and catch it and get it over with then we can all get round to enjoying ourselves again.
So she said was I happy not to see my grandkids again and I said it was better than killing them by passing on the CV bug
but she said NO-ONE was dictating to she couldn't visit who the hell she liked, and was shocked that her DIL wouldn't let them into the house when they drove round to visit.
I said my Dad was asked to pick up a gun and go and shoot people for which lasted for, f 4 YEARS while she was only being asked to sit in her garden, drink gin, get her shopping delivered and stay safe. What was she moaning about?
She put the phone down.
My DH who is 80 has gone back to a front line job and I would love to have him safe at home. That attitude makes me SO disgusted!
(I didn't do much 'pacifying' did I?) Oh dear!

ExD Sat 25-Apr-20 14:48:05

I'm a bit upset with myself as you can see and should have reviewed this before I posted. I hope you can decipher my gibberish!

Newatthis Sat 25-Apr-20 14:51:22

I too are getting very angry by people who seem that the lock down doesn't apply to them. It applies to all of us and those who think different are putting lives at risk. We all want to see family and friends. Good on you for speaking up to your friend and if she doesn't want to keep in touch with you after lock down then it's her loss, not yours. She will have missed out on having a good friend who cares not only about themselves but other people as well.

Roses Sat 25-Apr-20 14:51:46

What a selfish self centred woman she is. She is behaving like a spoilt brat.
I would not be sorry to lose her friendship as she cares for no one but herself

GabriellaG54 Sat 25-Apr-20 14:52:03

Not at all. Read, understood and totally agree with you.
She could sit at home or in her garden, get p***ed and eat all the ice-cream she wants.

Eglantine21 Sat 25-Apr-20 14:52:06

Don’t be upset. You spoke truth which was what we all need to do in these difficult days.

On behalf of my family who are daily dealing with illness and death , may I thank you for not adding to the burden they carry,


LullyDully Sat 25-Apr-20 14:54:58

You are not to blame, remember that.ed

LullyDully Sat 25-Apr-20 14:55:33

Exd......sorry misread

Jabberwok Sat 25-Apr-20 15:01:02

I don't blame you ExD, what a dreadful attitude your friend, or perhaps ex friend has! Has she not heard that this is a highly contagious killer virus that has all but overwhelmed the NHS and most countries world wide?!! Lucky she wasn't around when our parents put their lives on the line (mine paid for that by losing his) as that outlook would certainly have earned her a lot of enemies!!! I think you sound as if you were quite restrained, I think I would have been far blunter!!

CleoPanda Sat 25-Apr-20 15:03:20

Unfortunately not everyone who catches it gets over it. Does she not realise that?
You can be symptom free and pass it on and maybe kill someone. You may pick it up from someone else and be killed. You can recover but have lasting health problems, including neurological issues.
Are any of those scenarios worth an ice cream out??
Why do so many people think they are different? Does she think she is more deprived or suffering more than any other person in Lockdown or Shielding?
I suppose trying times often show people’s selfish, petulant sides?

PamGeo Sat 25-Apr-20 15:10:16

If she's a real friend who was just having a meltdown then no, I don't think you'll have lost a friend. However, if this is a side to her personality you've not seen before or acknowledged then maybe it won't be such a big loss after all.

Well done for speaking some truths when she was just wanting you on side to justify her breaking the recommendations.

A friend of my husbands was complain on the unfairness of it all and saying how harsh it was etc etc when DH said oh for goodness sake ..... it could be worse I could almost hear him cry down the phone asking how? how could it possibly be worse ? DH said, you could be living with your family in a bedsit in a hostel sharing a bathroom and kitchen or you could be living on the Gaza strip getting bombed daily ... silence absolute silence for a few moments then he said, yeah, yeah you're right and I'm a dick

ineedamum Sat 25-Apr-20 15:11:11

I don't think you've lost a friend, she is just stressed. She will probably calm down soon and recognise you had her best interests at heart.

However, there are some people who think they haven't got many days/months left and they don't want to spend it locked indoors fearful. I can see their point of view but I'm not in that situation so I can't judge.

BlueSky Sat 25-Apr-20 15:13:11

I would like to know how you could pick up the virus from somebody symptom free if they don't cough or talk and you are at least 2 m away. Is it still possible?

Ohmother Sat 25-Apr-20 15:18:12

I think your friend may just be having a meltdown day. I would wait for her to ring you and apologise OR if you can be the bigger person give her a ring and see how she is feeling today. Tell her you were concerned about her putting the phone down on you.

felice Sat 25-Apr-20 15:42:47


Tangerine Sat 25-Apr-20 15:47:22

If she was just upset and having a meltdown day, I agree you haven't just lost a friend.

I totally believe in lockdown and doing as I am told on the subject of Covid-19 but some days I do feel upset and feel like saying odd things. I think the middle of the night can be very difficult.

wildswan16 Sat 25-Apr-20 15:49:13

Some people are only able to see the short-term view. They want it now.

Others, like you ExD (and many of us) see the long-term view. We can be patient, we put up with things we don't particularly like, but we know it is for our own safety and the safety of our loved ones.

Unfortunately the first kind of person rarely changes. Maybe she had just had a bad day - I would wait and see if she gets back in touch, but leave it up to her. If she calms down she will do so, if she doesn't then there is little to be said.

AGAA4 Sat 25-Apr-20 16:00:29

ExD. You know your friend best. If this is totally out of character she may have just blown a fuse and don't we all sometimes with our friends,when things get too much.

If she is the selfish kind, who only cares about herself and her needs then I have no sympathy for her and I probably wouldn't want her as a friend.

Gransooz Sat 25-Apr-20 16:07:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missfoodlove Sat 25-Apr-20 16:11:12

If she cannot respect your opinion don’t worry, she sounds selfish and arrogant so it’s probably no great loss

sodapop Sat 25-Apr-20 16:13:04

It does sound like your friend had reached the end of her tether. It some times just takes one little thing to tip us over the edge. Maybe you were a safe person to let off steam to.
I think as ohmother said you should give her a ring and see how she is now.

BlueBelle Sat 25-Apr-20 16:14:12

Everyone is taking this differently and your way and her way may be different but that’s up to her There are definite divisions as to which is the right way to go, some countries haven’t locked down some have severely In US some states have, some havent we have no idea yet if small doses build up immunity and may be best we may look back in a couple of years time when the country is on its knees and think what was that all about or we may look back and think thank goodness we did that All I know is they won’t be able to keep us in lockdown for a year while a vaccine which may or may not be useful is found so they may have to be other routes
Unless you have a complete policed lockdown some people are going to take their chance but if you re staying in she won’t affect you so why be so cross
Out of interest what job has your 80 year old husband gone back to ? That’s a dedicated man

grannylyn65 Sat 25-Apr-20 16:14:46

I am, not I too 🙄

BlueBelle Sat 25-Apr-20 16:15:52

Sorry pressed the button to soon Aren’t you worried he could bring the virus home .... more of a concern than a friend on the other end of a a phone with a different take on it to you

Bridgeit Sat 25-Apr-20 16:25:13

OP, She did not deserve to be pacified & well done you .
It is selfish attitude such as this makes life so much harder for those who are working hard to save lives.
Sometimes situations uncover a side of a person that we had not previously been aware of , best wishes to you.