Have I just lost a friend?

Hopefully it’s just a temporary wobble. Most of us are used to so much freedom that we take it for granted.

It’s a bit of a surprise when someone who seemed sensible and rational is the polar opposite. Self absorbed and uncaring about anyone or anything but her own immediate gratification.

She has no doubt alienated her DIL. I would be livid if someone put my family members at risk.

I would wait for her to make contact and apologise. If she doesn’t is she really worth having as a friend?

I feel badly that you had to go through this, but perhaps she felt safe enough with you to let it all out. You were right to set her straight, but of course she doesn't want to hear it.

Hopefully she will calm down and see things properly; hopefully even apologize for blasting you.

I know there are some who don't feel the need to be strictly isolating; we just need to keep reminding them that it will just keep spreading this way. We all miss our grandchildren and family, but this is a very dangerous virus and not just a flu.

Sadly, your friend is in for a bit of a shock as unless I am wrong our lives will not be the same for a long time. The lady may just feel things are getting to her. I think we all have good days and bad. I would give her a couple of weeks breathing space, then give her a call and ask how she is doing. You will know by her reaction how things stand between you.

Please don't be upset, you did the right thing. Many of us are finding lock down difficult, myself included. We long for things the way they were but even when this is all over things will not be as they were. It is going to take a long time to readjust to the new world. All we can do is take advice and "hang in there" even if we are climbing the walls, we must take care of each other.

leave her to stew in her own juice. it's no loss.
she doesn't come across as desperate to me, more arrogant and hedonistic.
i'm more concerned about your husband. does he have to go to work ?

Unfortunately there are a minority of people who are not using their brain to think through the consequences of their actions.
Selfish, inconsiderate comes to mind.
I would love to see my grandchildren family and friends. I miss the hugs and close contact but any person with an ounce of common sense knows this is impossible at this stage in the contagion.
I did have to get cross with a dear friend of mine who was still going out but she as come round now.
The tragedies we have seen over the last few weeks surely keeps any sane person in.
I have a friend whose daughter, sister and nephew have covid 19 unfortunately her nephew died last week at 47 years old with no health issues.
I wouldn't want to have a friend who is so selfish to endanger another human being.

I have a 78 year old friend - now going to be an ex-friend, I think - who has shown total selfishness and arrogance throughout lockdown, and argued with me on the phone yesterday that "she must do what feels right to her".

This includes going out every day to various shops, (no mask or gloves), having rejected offers from me and her family to get shopping for her, visiting her 3 sons and their families, driving all over the place, noticing a small garage open and stopping there to get her car serviced and MOT'd even though MOTs have legally been postponed for 6 months ..... the list is endless.

I am furious that the 7 weeks of total lockdown that I have done in solitary confinement as I live alone, might be extended by idiots like her who justify their selfishness by saying "If I catch it, I catch it" without any thought of how that might pan out for others. I despair.

As Jeanie says, I don't want to have someone who is so selfish to endanger others as a friend.

Your friend is wrong of course and she probably knows that. It sounds like she is finding it very difficult to cope. We aren't all good at coping with this. I find staying in the garden with no one to talk to (, apart from OH occasionally, extremely depressing.

Let’s hope she spoke in the heat of the moment and will apologise later. She did need some home truths and you were brave to tell them to her. I can understand somebody getting upset if they are unable to see their grandchildren as is the situation for many of us but to get into a state over the loss of a drive, a drink and an ice cream is beyond my comprehension. To be honest I wouldn’t have spent 30 minutes of my time trying to pacify her but perhaps it was totally out of character and she is a good friend to you. You sound like a very good friend to have and if it results in the loss of a friendship then the loss is hers.

"If I get it, I get it", what an attitude, not a thought for the people who have to look after them.
Do people really think it is like getting a cold and a week later life is back to normal ?
The excuses are reeled out "I was only popping out for a newspaper", newsprint can harbour the virus for up to 24 hours. "I wasn't out long, I just went for a takeaway".
Dear God and little fishes, I have been in the house since February 28th and I will be here for as long as it takes.

I am with you Roses.
People like her put others at risk.
She wouldn`t be a friend of mine thats for sure.

You are so right Harrigran, I've been in purdah since the end of Feb also, but I do have a DH to talk to. Well I talk to him, he just grunts.
I agree, it IS very lonely.

It seems to be quite a common reaction - feeling that 'I' refuse to stay locked up, and 'I' will do as I please, and 'no-one's dictating to me what to do'. I'd like to ask anyone on here who genuinely feels the same way to explain their reasoning.
Seriously I'm interested and would like to understand. I won't judge you, I'm just interested and wonder if you think we should ALL ignore the ruling? Do you consider lock down should never have been implemented in the first place?

You are obviously in the right, Nananumnum so don't even think of pacifying her. She might take it as your seal of approval/agreement. She knew she was wrong but didn't want to hear it.

Every time someone is seen doing what they want (and probably getting away with it), it weakens the general resolve of the nation. It only takes the few selfish ones to make it worse for everyone.

Bluesky you can get it by touching things others have touched and then by touching your eyes or fave,not just by coughing
I had a similiar conversation yesterday with my sister, she insists on going for her own shop[ping, and wont use a card,insists on using cash
Also had her daughter who works in a care home, to cut her hair
I asked if the care home had people suspected of having corona in it,she said only 1 who they think it's probably hay fever
Also got someone to come and weed her garden, although she might have no contact with them, but would have to pay them i expect
I can't get her to be sensible about it,

Well done you for saying what you did to her, to be honest she sounds very arrogant and selfish, by just going out and catching it and get it over with as she says, is just ludicrous, beggars belief, of course we would all love to go here there and everywhere, I will continue to stay at home as high risk until as long as it takes, I think quite honestly I’d have put the phone down on her,

You definitely are in the right. What your friend said was irresponsible and she's in the wrong.

However, I still say we all get fed up and think and say silly things sometimes to let off steam. Was she perhaps doing that?

ExD
Your ex friend’s attitude is truly disgusting. She is thinking only of herself and being completely selfish and I find this attitude completely indefensible. Clearly she doesn’t care about the medics on the frontline and the key workers in care homes, in shops, driving the buses etc. She doesn’t care that around 100 medics have died, often leaving young children without a parent. She doesn’t care that these children will live the rest of their lives without a loving mother or father. My heart breaks for these children and the others who are still to lose a parent. She just doesn’t care.

There do seem to be a few of those selfish folk about.
Whilst there are only a few we should, in theory still be pretty safe, if the many take the same attitude as your friend, and one of mine, then there could be problems.
Luckily the many are adhering to the rules.

My friend, ex nurse, popped up to visit her friend, about 150 miles away for a few days just before Easter. She returned on the Saturday because friends children were coming back home.
She pops in to see local friends, it seems, daily. She shops a few times a week and delivers prescriptions in the neighbour hood. All, hopefully, distancing as advised.
She suggested she popped in to visit me last week. When I said no she got quite stroppy?.
We are being very good, not seeing my DD or DGS. Only shopping when we have to etc.
I know it’s easier for me, I have a nice husband, she is alone. I’m very grounded and tend to accept my lot and get on with it. She is less sanguine. I feel sorry for her but can’t give up my principles.
A few days down the line I have come to the conclusion that her problem isn’t mine, so I’ve put it aside( until now?) you should do the same ExD

Sparklefizz
I’m not surprised you feel like that about your (ex) friend.

Thanks maddyone. What really finished me off when talking on the phone to her yesterday was that she insinuated that she missed her family more than I missed mine, therefore it was "essential" that she went out to visit them regularly ..... in other words, that I didn't care about mine, when in fact I miss them very much but am following the rules and trying to do the right thing. Grrr !

Sparklefizz you know that what she insinuated isn’t true. Actually greater love is shown by the deprivation, not by selfish desires being fulfilled.

I think you should leave her to it. Its possible that she is very depressed which can lead to some dysfunctional thinking. However you need to protect your mental health too and conversations like this just aren't healthy.

Whether depression or character is leading to her saying these things, it is upsetting for you.

She will apologise if she feels better/values your friendship or she will look for others who support her views and live in an echo chamber.

Take care of you

I certainly have very different attitude to one of my friends
I know for a fact what she's been up to in 'lockdown 'I put in inverted comas for her as her experience has been nothing like that of myself and other friends.Countless trips to shops.DD and boyfriend, neighbour abd other relatives in the house regularly. I haven't said anything although when she rang to say sge was shocked to hear I had the virus ,how was I doing and where on earth could I have got it from I nearly have her a piece of my main.Well done for saying something.

Sorry lots of errors !piece of my mouth obviously!

ExD, who really needs a friend so selfish and spoilt anyway? You are well rid of her!