Grieving on your own is very hard

Thinking of you.

I am so sorry to read this Calpurnia. I am sorry you lost your beloved husband and sorry you are grieving alone. I hope others on here can offer you comfort.

I understand that you have to say you are all right, I have that too to some extent, as you don’t want to sound self pitying.

I am sending you virtual hugs.

My heartfelt wishes go out to you calpurnia. You did everything for your husband while he was alive. Take care, what a cruel time that deprives you of your family now, but I am sure they love you and would wish to be with you. Take care.

calpurnia I am so sorry! What a sad situation.

Would it help to tell us about your beloved husband?

So sorry Calpurnia what a difficult and sad time for you and your family. You cared for your husband right until his death and of course you are entitled to feel sorry for yourself.
Talk to your family about your husband and share memories, don't lock it all away.
My sympathy to all of you

I am so sorry Calpurnia
It is very much ok to feel sorry for yourself.
Take care and thinking of you

Oh calpurnia I am so sorry to see you are going through this terrible time all alone. It must be so very hard, and compounded by feeling you have to tell people you're 'fine' when they ask. Which I understand of course. Sending love and wishes for the strength you need to get through the coming weeks

My every sympathy to you. And this is one place you should definitely be able to express your feelings honestly. I feel this photo may be appropriate to you

So sad to read this Calpurnia and can only imagine what you must be enduring alone at home at a time when you need those family hugs more than ever. You are a wonderful wife and mother to have been alone by your beloved husband’s side all those weeks while you nursed him to a peaceful death. Your family must be so proud of you. Maybe try to open up if you can and don’t insist you are fine. Let them know how you feel. They will be struggling in their own way and it may help you all in some way to share your feelings. I’m so sorry for your loss ??

you will get through this you are strong.

Sending kindest thoughts

Calpurnia - a very sad situation, try and be strong. We are all with you

So sorry Calpurnia for your extremely sad situation and I can only imagine how extremely difficult this must be to cope with on your own.
Please come back here as much as you want for virtual support and talk to as many people as you can about how you’re feeling.
Sending deepest condolences ?

A sobering post and one which a good many on here will recognise for the loneliness and stark reality that descends after the death of a long time and much loved husband/partner.
It is not, for me, a situation I have had to deal with but we all recognise that battling on and saying all the supposedly right and expected phrases when asked how we are, can be exhausting.
You need to be kind to yourself and when the funeral is past and you have time to gather your thoughts, would you talk to your children about the way you feel, truthfully?
It's one thing, as a mother, to try and protect your children from awkward conversations but it's really no good covering up your true feelings in order to spare them the discomfort of not knowing how best to comfort you.
Cry in their arms, tell them how lonely you feel and ask for their patience if there are days when you simply want to hide away and forget the world outside your front door.
These testing times are making your sad situation even more unbearable but take heart. You have managed to give your DH all the dignity and care possible right to the end and beyond. You will manage the rest but you need to recognise your own needs as your energy resources must surely be depleted.
Later, take time to take stock and fill the empty spaces with people and activities which you perhaps had to forgo due to your husband's illness.
Luckygirl is one among many who will have words of encouragement re talking to family about your feelings.
I send you my very best wishes and I'm sure that the many wonderful memories you must have made together, will sustain you throughout the next days weeks months and years ahead.
Take care ??️?️

I am so very for you loss calpurnia. I found the first weeks very difficult indeed and can only imagine how much harder it is without the close comfort of your family. You said yourself that you are a strong independent woman, hold onto that belief. You will get through this.

Calpurnia my sincere condolences on the loss of your husband ?xx

Thank you all so very much for your kindness and support, I cannot express how comforting it is to know other GN’s are so thoughtful.

We were married for almost 52 years - despite my mother’s (very) loud lamentations that “it will not last six weeks”. She told family relatives not to buy us any wedding presents “as she did not want the bother of sending them back”.

By a happy(ish) coincidence the funeral will take place at exactly the same time as we were married - 12.40pm. In remembrance of this and for me to have a quiet reflection during the service I have asked for Handel’s Largo - (Umbra Mai Fu) to be played. This was the music played as we signed the Marriage Register.

It was a long marriage, bumpy at times but we stayed together and I am proud to be his wife. He was special in every way to me - a real case of “love at first sight” - for me anyway. I would have married him on the spot as he came through the door.

I recently read a comment made by the Rev. Richard Coles on the death of his beloved partner and I have asked for it to be read just before the Handel piece...

“From the minute we met I never for a moment thought no matter what happened - we would ever part”

This sums it up exactly for me.

What an honest and heartbreaking post, Calpurnia. What courage to be able to articulate your feelings in the middle of such terrible circumstances. Everyone’s hearts will go out to you and I am so sorry for your loss.

You need support and it must be so very hard losing your dear man at a time when all support has been taken away from you. Please don’t hide your feelings when people ask you. Why do we feel the need to protect others when we’re broken inside? Sometimes, we have to just let it all out, so please do talk to old friends, bereavement support, whoever. And, don’t just be a Mum : make sure your ACs know how you feel, share your struggles - theirs and yours. You need their help and love and support so much now....tell them that. Hopefully you will always feel you can post on here and share some of your feelings with those who have gone through this. Your dear H is at peace now and you did everything that you could for him - that must be a comfort. I wish you strength and hope and that one day soon you’ll be surrounded by hugs again. I send mine to a very brave lady. ?

You have every right to feel sorry for yourself and I echo every word you have written. You were with him up to and right at the end though as well as the months and years before and that is what matters
All the “stuff” we have to deal with after a bereavement is a form of therapy in itself - but usually we have someone for moral support and this is the worst way to have to go about it.
I also echo what everything you have said about even our dearest children having someone with whom to share their grief while you do not.
However sympathetic anybody is, until they have been there, they cannot fully understand.
There are many of us on GN who have lost their life’s partner- some years and years ago others more recently and we do know exactly where you are coming from.
This lockdown is especially hard for those of us on our own but even without it, your loss now is huge.
Thinking of you now and later this week and in the weeks and months to come.
Please pm me if you need to let it out or are just in need of a shoulder

Sending sympathy and love at this sad time. ?

Calpurnia, certainly you may feel sorry for yourself. Your grief and loss are real and we here all respect your feelings and your absolute right to have these feelings.

It is harder to grieve alone. I am sure though that your grieving will be more true to yourself and your late husband when you grieve without the consolation of others' presence. You will emerge from the grieving a stronger wiser person.

So sorry that you are alone at this very sad time. I too think you should share how you are feeling. We all need support sonetimes. If you really don't want to tell the family perhaps an online chat with a bereavement counsellor might help.

I can offer no comforting words Calpurnia only my sincerest condolences on the loss of your beloved husband. ?

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

I was brought up to say I was 'fine' when I wasn't but occasionally you do have to say actually I'm not fine today