Grieving on your own is very hard

To FranT and Beenbizzy

Calpurnia I am full of admiration for you arranging everything by yourself, when my husband died, I could not have managed it. Bereavement is rather like being wounded, physically and mentally and we need to do whatever is needed to get through it (not “over it”). Some like visitors but I wanted to be left alone, but this awful situation means we have no choice. I was just beginning cancer treatment when my husband died and remember crying as I lay back undergoing radiotherapy. I said to the consultant “Troubles come not as single spies, but as whole battalions” (Shakespeare) but here I am and so will you be, bruised but coping, I can tell. My sister said my husband was worth mourning when I told her I was still upset as time went by.
My husband loved the quote “And when love speaks, the voice of all the gods makes heaven drowsy with the harmony” Shakespeare again. We are blessed to have love, even if we pay this price.
On a lighter note, do you have a pet? I have a cat and don’t know what I would do without her at the moment.
God bless.

I lost my husband 2 years ago! I came up with when people asked how I was with saying this "I'm alright, in my unright way" It says it all for me and people got it.

I have recently passed this on to 2 other people who have lost their husbands! Fortunately this was just before the Covid19 outbreak so they were able to hold proper funerals.

They have found it immensely useful. I know how hard it is for me, always will be and I am surrounded by a loving family, grandchildren, many friends and 2 fellowships.

I can't imagine how difficult it is for you. I see how much my friend and my one grandson other Nana struggles after losing their husbands and this coming straight after.

I am so sorry for your loss. This lockdown has bought up an unexpected wave of grief for me. I can only imagine how hard it is for you.

My own advice is, sleep and rest when you need, eat what you want. If you want steal everynight then have it. Dont deny yourself anything and self care. Take it day at a time.

We don't get over it. We learn to live with a new normal. We adjust to living with grief. Where there is love their is much grief

Should say steak not steal above

I read all of your messages and I cannot express how very grateful I am to have such kind support. Thank you too for all who have pm’d me, I will reply to you as soon as I can.

All the arrangements have been made for my husband’s funeral tomorrow - I am glad we did not wait too long it will be to whole two weeks since he died.

The service is one I know my husband would be proud of. It is both reflective of his very loving and caring nature as we as celebrating a life well lived. He chose the music himself over ten years ago when we made our Funeral plans.

I have planned a nice Afternoon Tea for when we return home so will be busy today baking and making preparations. I want to do my best for him. Keeping so busy every day for the past two weeks on my own has helped me keep going but I dread waking up on Friday morning and I really have to face up to my “new” life without him.

I will have to do some serious work on getting myself sorted out too. I always try to present myself as well as I can, doing my make up and hair every day when I go out - but the past few months have taken their toll, so this may take some time.

I feel all your virtual hugs and cherish the flowers contained in so many kind posts as well as the many words of support, thank you all.

Calpurnia. Having been in your situation I know just how alone you feel. I am sure you realise you have all the lovely people on Gransnet to reach out to when needed.
It does eventually get easier.

I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow calpurnia, if I may some more to add to those you have already along with my love and admiration. A minute, hour or day at a time going forward. Please don’t pressurise yourself, just be as you are.

I have a little tip for enduring the funeral day. On the day of my husband’s funeral I pretended to be the Queen! I know it sounds strange, but after looking the smartest I could, I said to myself “What would the Queen do?” I’m not even a staunch royalist but that attitude helped me enormously. She is someone who has to go through so many rituals unmoved on the outside and it gave me strength,

I am afraid that my OH's funeral passed me by in a daze - I was completely "out of it" and just going through the motions. I can remember so little of it. Everyone tells me how special it was and I just have to believe them - I put a lot of work into it beforehand.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow calpurnia - I am sure that you have put together a fitting tribute that he would have been proud of in spite of these difficult distancing time.

Calpurnia I will be thinking of you tomorrow,?

I had a (strictly) medicinal nip of brandy.

Dear Calpurnia I have only just seen this thread. I cannot imagine the torment this awful lockdown must be adding to your grief.

Please accept my sincere condolences. Your husband would be so very proud of you I think.

It seems you shared a wonderfully long marriage to a very nice man. I’m glad you proved your mum wrong for the best of reasons!

Hold tight to all the thoughts you hold of the good times you shared. Grief is indeed the price we pay for love.

You will be in my thoughts tomorrow at 12:40pm.
??

Thank you all for the support and kindness I have received during a very sad time.

Thursday was a difficult day as these occasions are. It seemed to pass in a blur. The service was very respectful and I know he would have been proud of us all. The music and readings were so apt to him so yes a sad but fond farewell.

I now have to think and imagine what my future will be like without him - a sad daunting thought.

It is extra difficult in this latest lockdown situation as I am not able to go out to see friends but I look forward to the time when all our lives can - slowly - get back to a new “normal”.

The collective kindness of all GN’s here certainly helped me get through these past few days, knowing that others have been through the loss of a much loved husband. It is only when it happens do you really understand how difficult it is.

Thank you all. (thanks thanks thanks)

Hmm. ..those “thanks
“ were intended to be flowers.......

Just caught up with lots of threads and couldn’t read and run without sending you a hug and Calpurnia hope you have a peaceful Sunday with lovely thoughts of your DH which bring a smile along with the wet eyes! Xx

I've found that grieving in isolation is far, far easier than grieving with young children to look after.

I used to go in the shower for a good cry, not wanting to upset them. I was very, very clean!

Now, if I feel like crying - there's nothing to stop me.

Calpurnia my heart goes out to you, I know how hard it is being alone after losing a beloved husband, but not like this is now, it's unnatural not to have support when you lose your husband all due to this virus. You're not free to take yourself off to see friends or family at a time when you desperately need support. I hope you get to speak to some one you love each day, don't go a day without any contact. Phone a family member or a friend, don't say you're fine if you're not, say you are it difficult but it helps to speak to someone each day. There isn't a person who won't understand. Come on here and chat. Silverline is good too I used them once when low and it helped me. I hope it won't be too long before restrictions are relaxed if we all obey the rules and you can be with your family. My hee art goes out to you and others in your dreadful situation

Calpurnia Just take baby steps and grieve properly. it’s a process that needs to be gone through. although these are unprecedented times you must reach out to whoever or whatever is around.?