Grieving on your own is very hard

Calpurnia you have all my sympathy.I lost my husband almost 6 months ago and having to arrange his funeral was very difficult even with the help of family .My husband wasn't religious so we didn't have any hymns.I found a verse on the internet which I really liked and included it in the order of service .It may help you and your family and friends.
Don't Be Too Sad
I've lived my life
I've tried my best
The memories I hold dear
Are experiences I have known
Of happiness and tears
The love of my family
The care of my friends
The good times I've shared
Right to the end
I've travelled life's byways
Seen children grow up
Experienced life's living
And drunk from loves cup
I leave you with memories
With thoughts of you all
I'm no longer with you
But your mind will recall
The good times we shared
The laughter we had
Please cherish these memories
And don't be too sad.

I still read this every day and it cheers me up .

I will echo what Bluesky says to die in the arms of someone you love is the way we would all want to go I'm sure. Comfort yourself that he knew he was loved by you.
I read a poem by EE Cummings
I carry your heart with me I carry it in my heart
May help you

Thinking of you Calpurnia take comfort from the fact your dear husband died at home in your arms.

I am so sorry you’ve lost your dear husband of many years, Calpurnia.

This is indeed a terrible time to lose anyone. We heard a couple of hours ago that a very old friend died last night. The feeling that we are unable to gather with his family and mutual friends to remember him is so very cruel. How much worse it must be when it’s your beloved soul mate.

Would recording your thoughts in a journal be of any help, do you think? You needn’t reread it and indeed may choose to destroy it later but it might provide an outlet for your aching soul. Xxx

I think it’s all been said but I want you to know you have the right to feel this way. Our families are what bind us at difficult times and this will be your most difficult time yet. Thinking of you and hoping you will, gain strength from knowing people understand and are thinking about you.

So sorry for your loss Calpurnia.
The death of someone close is the loneliest time whether you've got family around you or not. Nobody can ever know that feeling unless they've lost someone themselves.

Like myself, you can always console yourself that he was there with you to the end as not a lot of people have that privilege such as in todays climate of which I can't begin to imagine.

May time be the healer to give you the strength to carry on.x

Calpurnia
I’m so sorry

So sorry Calpurnia. A very sad loss for you at any time but made worse under present circumstances. I can't imagine how you must feel.
Sending my heartfelt sympathy to you and yours.

Your post has moved me to tears and I'm a tough old bird. The death of a loved one is so hard at anytime but in these strange times much more so. I'm sure that your husband knew that you held him close as he died and isn't that how most of us would want to go, knowing that we were loved and cherished? Take care of yourself and take time to grieve. Its OK to say you're not feeling good too, its to be expected.

Calpurnia sending condolences to you.
As another on her own I echo the words from Maw, Luckygirl, Glammanana and others.
Love and strength to you in the coming days and weeks.

I'm sorry for your loss.

“Calpurnia” what a terribly sad time for you . I am 3 months down the line DH died before all this added distress for which I am truly grateful , and I really feel for you not being able to have your loved one’s caring and comforting arms . I still cry and feel this loneliness terribly . You were with him to the end and you gave him your all . Tell people when you are not OK and be kind to yourself , you are allowed not to be “fine” . I played all DH’s favourite music for days after he died and it was very cathartic. The funeral will be sad as so few people allowed but you have made personal to you . My heart goes out to you (( ))

So sorry to here this ? thoughts are with you at this difficult time

Calpurnia I can relate to every word you have said and send my condolences to you & your family.
I lost my wonderful husband recently and was just coming to terms with his sudden death when my support from my family was taken away by the lockdown,we where lucky enough to be able to attend a service with all family & friends attending & a wake to celebrate his life.
I find I have weepy days and days when I don't want to answer the phone or communicate with anyone.What I would do for personal contact with my ACs and GCs I miss them so much.I feel another weepy day today the week-ends seem to be the worse time for me.

Calpurina,thinking of you at this time?

Calpurnia - I can only send all my sympathy. I am just a few weeks further down the line than you are and know how hard this lockdown has made life - loneliness doubled just at the time when you are trying to adapt to a very different life.

I would just say that I too am generally a competent and efficient person, used to organising events and enjoyable things for others, but I gave up trying to keep up that image quite quickly into bereavement. I started being honest when friends and family asked how I was - I say "I am having a weepy day today" or whatever is the truth. I knew of course that my family would hear that and say the right thing, but I have found that others have also responded with kindness and tact and I have felt glad that they have had the opportunity to show that they are to be trusted. I tell the truth, then move the conversation on to ask about them as well. It has done no harm for them to see another side of me.

This may not be for you, but I have found it a useful way forward for me.

I too am missing the "caring arm" - you are so right about that. It is indeed very hard. And I too have always been "independent and capable" and I am sure that this is one of the things your OH loved you for. But just at this moment there may be times when it is OK to be vulnerable - your life has changed so much, and the new you is facing something that is unlike anything that has gone before. So if there are people who would like to be part of this huge transition, then I have found that it is good to let them in.

I will be thinking of you and the challenges you are facing - please know that you are not alone in this. Take care and stay safe.

How terribly sad for you Calpurnia. I hope you can take a little bit of comfort from the way you looked after your husband and that you were with him at the end and he was in your arms.

Well done for sharing this with us. Eighteen months on "I'm fine" when asked but on day to day basis "fine" is not the way I feel. I just miss him so much and always will but have to get on with life and what's going on around me. I have a very small family circle and some good friends but I have thought a lot over the past few weeks how it would have been to lose him at a time like this. Your family and friends will be there for you and you for them but you have to be honest and share your feelings with them. I get a lot of support from this site especially at this troubling and depressing time when I am missing my DGS and hope you will do so also.

My thoughts are with you at this very sad time Calpurnia. x

My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

I was brought up to say I was 'fine' when I wasn't but occasionally you do have to say actually I'm not fine today

I can offer no comforting words Calpurnia only my sincerest condolences on the loss of your beloved husband. ?

So sorry that you are alone at this very sad time. I too think you should share how you are feeling. We all need support sonetimes. If you really don't want to tell the family perhaps an online chat with a bereavement counsellor might help.

Calpurnia, certainly you may feel sorry for yourself. Your grief and loss are real and we here all respect your feelings and your absolute right to have these feelings.

It is harder to grieve alone. I am sure though that your grieving will be more true to yourself and your late husband when you grieve without the consolation of others' presence. You will emerge from the grieving a stronger wiser person.

Sending sympathy and love at this sad time. ?

You have every right to feel sorry for yourself and I echo every word you have written. You were with him up to and right at the end though as well as the months and years before and that is what matters
All the “stuff” we have to deal with after a bereavement is a form of therapy in itself - but usually we have someone for moral support and this is the worst way to have to go about it.
I also echo what everything you have said about even our dearest children having someone with whom to share their grief while you do not.
However sympathetic anybody is, until they have been there, they cannot fully understand.
There are many of us on GN who have lost their life’s partner- some years and years ago others more recently and we do know exactly where you are coming from.
This lockdown is especially hard for those of us on our own but even without it, your loss now is huge.
Thinking of you now and later this week and in the weeks and months to come.
Please pm me if you need to let it out or are just in need of a shoulder