I just discovered I like tormenting my neighbour

I've always told my grandchildren if some one is being nasty or awkward with them they should carry on as if they don't nothing's wrong and be so nice it will worry them

I was once shown an image of the face of a very angry and aggressive looking wolf..snarling teeth etc. It looked really frightening and threatening. I was then shown the whole picture of the wolf. It's paw was caught in a metal trap and it couldn't get away. It was in agonising pain. So we never know what the other person is going through....if their 'paw' is caught in a trap. Often anger, aggression etc is the expression of deeper hurts etc. Really good that you can stay balanced and kind. You sound like such a lovely, kind person. Being genuinely kind in the face of unkindness like Greeneyedgirl says makes one feel better and not bitter.

Being extra polite and friendly to those who behave poorly to us is the only way to go. I read my book as I walk and, blessed with teachers' peripheral vision, do not walk into anything and avoid others by a mile. A lady who lives nearby, when she saw me, said loudly, 'Stupid woman!'

I now greet her warmly.

Of course, she might well be right. I probably am a bit stupid.

I love doing this, it's very satisfying to shame people into being polite!!

Yes, if you're nice it makes it harder for them to be nasty to you.

I do that!
We have a neighbour who swings between being pleasant and being completely off the scale horrible. The more anti she is being the more I make the effort to say hello and smile - especially if she is with a friend! (Just in case she has told them how awful I am!)
For the time being peace has broken out - its a lot less fun!

Our neighbour is very nosey. If we have any workmen round she intercepts them within minutes of their arrival to find out what we are having done. If she doesnt like it and she thinks it affects her, then we get a note put through our door.
Our regular handyman is a relative of dh's so we can rely on him to help us out and not give her any relevant information. In fact he is likely to mislead her completely!!

I have lived in a row of houses facing on to lovely Common Land for over fifty years, as have most of my neighbours. We all get along swimmingly, not in and out of each others’ houses, but all good friends.
One neighbour has recently moved away, and the new people are making no effort to assimilate themselves. On the contrary, they have been making trivial complaints of all kinds. Obviously the Common Land is popular with dog-walkers and they apparently keep phoning the Council and the Police complaining about dogs barking. Although dogs DO bark when they meet each other, or are running around excitedly, it’s not that often, and certainly not worth complaining about.
I always smile, and say hello when I see them, but some neighbours are getting a bit ‘huffy’ about them. It will be sad if they destroy the peaceful harmony that we have lived in for so many years.

I used the word 'tormenting' because I couldn't think of the word I needed to use.

This won't escalate. All I'm doing is saying 'Hello' to her. It can't been deemed to be unpleasant in any way unlike her attempts to ignore us.

I'm not the kind of person who can bear a grudge or ignore someone. The world is a sad enough place without us behaving like that so I greet everyone with a smile and a pleasant word. Even if they don't smile back I've still shared a smile. You never know when you smile and greet someone if you're the only person who'll smile or speak to them all day.

We lived in our council house for 23 years, we bought it in 2000 we had to live in it for 3years and then we could sell it which we did, I know a lot of people are against this, but when we were given the house it was brand new on an estate in 1978, now a lot of young people like us with young children were happy there, then some moved away unfortunately over time it became a scruffy area due to Mrs.T cutting council budget. We then had the chav lot move in, one neighbour selling weed to young teenagers and noisy neighbours. We found a lovely flat as the children had grown up and moved on talking to one of our neighbours yesterday we found out the flats were Council and the people had permission to buy the flats from the council. So we found that quite funny. We have since bought the lease to the flats.

We used to enjoy 'tormenting' our neighbours too. They were a couple in their late 60s and they were the nosiest, gossipiest pair you could ever come across. They used to do things like stand on the other side of hedges to eavesdrop on conversations or crouch underneath open windows to listen in. Our house formed part of their border so we had some windows that opened onto their side. They would then spread their gossip around the village to anyone who would listen. The woman and I used to go to the same hairdresser but I stopped going when I found out the hairdresser knew stuff about us that I had not told her. They would spread gossip not just about us but anything they could find out about anyone. So, we used to make stuff up and then see how far it went. In the end it all got too irritating and after 11 years of living next door to them, we moved house and I have never been so pleased to see the back of someone in my life.

Way to go Vampire. Love it! Love her into submission!
My OCD neighbour shares a hedge with another neighbour. He has a piece of string from one end to the other and has been cutting it down by 4’ to that level for 5 weeks. Not a twig or branch is unequal. The young neighbour has finally accepted defeat and chopped down his half to the same level. It looks like a madman has given it a haircut. Just waiting to see how long it'll be until Mr OCD can bear it no longer & goes out with the spirit level & does the job ‘properly’ ?. He wants to do the same with my hedge at the back which is much lower/shorter. I thanked him kindly and refused the offer....
Hrrmph, neighbours!

Brilliant ...

If she was a tenant when she bought her flat she would have got it for much, much less than the market price. Some ex-council property sells well, but that is usually because of the location. Local estate agents will know the market value of her flat and if she tries to sell above that then it simply won't sell. Not your fault!!

In my humble view I think no one should take pleasure from “tormenting” another. Two wrongs do not make a right.

I’d put lots more pots with tulips in the garden. I’d do everything possible to irritate her. ?

Ahh definitely kill with kindness! I have always found what you are doing works so well, I have never been able to give others the satisfaction that they are hurting me!
Even when my first husband left me, the first thing I did was hug him and say 'Oh thank God! I haven't fancied you in years! Now we can both find better people!"
The look on his face was amazing...(Of course I cried for the first few nights when he was gone then brushed myself down lol)
But a smile and a big cheery hello to those who would seek to see you hurt and in pain, its absolutely wonderful.
I'd feel sorry for her, as those who live their lives so miserably truly have a deep rooted problem,so us more cheery souls must spread the love a bit more!
Have a wonderful happy day everyone! xxx

Stick a few gnomes out there and a bright windmill

Yes, "love bombing" can work, and it puts you back in control. The neighbour might indeed have mental health problems, or she might have a personality disorder. Whatever - being friendly and cheerful can hardly do any harm, as long as you don't go over the top and be sarcastic. Good luck VQ and hold your head up high!

I dislike the idea of scoring points against people. Best ignore the whole situation.

This situation must be so annoying for you - but perhaps you have struck the right approach. Years ago I knew a lady who was a devout Christian; we had a mutual acquaintance who was offhand and quite rude at times. The Christian lady found me seething after one spiteful comment that came out of the blue, and said her method was to 'love them through it'. I translated this as smiling and generally behaving as if the nasty one was a friend. Several of us tried this and it worked so well and eventually she behaved tolerably towards most people. DH, who is a lot more patient than I, always points out the we don't know what is going on in other people's lives to make them behave so badly. I am cynical and think some people will behave badly if allowed to get away wtih it, but I have to conced that this method certainly worked.

When you try to sell a property, something you sign is that you have no issues with neighbours; is she not shooting herself in the foot? Perhaps you are dealing with ‘paranoia’. There is no reasoning with delusions. How horrible for you, well done for being so reasonable. This nastiness over social housing is horrible, much of my nursing patch was social housing, pleasant camaraderie is what I found, had to go to a well stocked Indian shop for special ingredients ( after thirty years) within social housing yesterday and they were just as friendly and welcoming.

She may have problems that vq doesn't know about.
Being cheery and friendly won't do any harm to her.

Poor you ,I live in a mix of owned and council homes and have done for 25 years without much problem.Sadly now I'm selling up cause alot of homes have been bought and turned into student lets which is so sad as the community is getting smaller but bad behaviour is on an increase due to unpleasent student noice and behaviour not because of council tenents which have never caused us a problem

I think we all need to try to be kind at the moment. Maybe she has problems you don't know about.