I just discovered I like tormenting my neighbour

Tell me about it. I have neighbours who smile and say hello when I am with my husband, but totally ignore me when I am alone. So I give them the deadpan look when they deign acknowledge me. I am not going to waste my smiles and my greetings on them - but I admire you for doing so!

I am getting along with her. I'm perfectly polite. Wouldn't it be worse if we both ignored each other. Then the dislike would have more space to seethe and expand.

Greeneyedgirl I agree with you, it all seems a bit petty to me although I have to admit her behavior would annoy me too but in this dreadful time shouldn't we all be trying to get along?

Compliment her when you see her. Someone was incredibly rude to me in front of a lot of people last year. I was actually vert hurt at the comments this piece of sh*t said, but I smiled and said 'Oh, I really love your shirt. It really suits you.' It was so not what he was expecting me to say or how I was going to react. He's never spoken to me again, but that's better than being rude! I always treat rudeness with kindness otherwise you're coming down to their level.

That reminds me of my youth! Some people in our village were constantly annoyed by their policeman neighbour so every few nights they planted a for sale sign in his garden! He got so exasperated! Another toffee nosed woman who adored her horse and hated her neighbours and kept calling the council for nothing opened the door to the knackers yard people wanting to pick up her ‘dead’ horse. She shut up after that.

Ha! I have a neighbour from hell for much the same reason - I think. How can you tell? This is a victorian terrace of only 5 houses and mine is the only council owned. "It" lives right next door and for some years after he moved in, we were sociable. Then we had the great gale of whenever it was, which blew down the garden fence between the 2 properties. He was told that he could ask the council to erect a replacement and in his greed, put in a claim for several thousand pounds for a brick wall to replace the wooden slat fencing. Needless to say the council refused and what was worse (from his viewpoint) they also investigated and pointed out that in fact, the fence was his according to the deeds and so he'd have to pay for a replacement himself!

You would have thought they had demanded the life of his only child.....

He refused to replace the fence for some time and it was not uncommon to go into my back garden and discover his elderly relatives sitting on deck chairs in his back garden, admiring mine.....it just became very, very silly and funny.

Eventually, I think because of his live-in girlfriends nagging, he replaced the fence but he has never spoken to me since.

A year or so ago we found a leak in the roof and when the council checked it, they found that a few tiles were missing. They sent along a crew of scaffolders who erected roof high scaffolding and told me that the roofers would be along shortly. A week later I was still waiting so I went to call the council, only for the 'phone to ring as I reached it. It was the council and himself next door had called them and complained that I had put scaffolding up ?!?!?

What, I asked, would I do that for? Out of a book? Nothing on the telly? I explained the situation and they apologised and sent along the missing builders.

That was the last time he made a formal complaint about me/us. I won't bore you with the others which were all just as sensible. He is now on record as being a "nuisance" caller and anything he does report to the council is ignored.

And he has altzheimers. I think he's had it for years and years and years.......

I loathe the man, have no sympathy for him and only want the satisfaction of outliving the b*****d so that I can spit as his coffin is carried away. If that makes me sound awful - well, I've never made it my life's work to make life difficult for other people, like he has. You reap what you sew, as my nan used to say.

Yes, quite right. Treat them how you would like to be treated.
Our neighbour disliked us for over 20 years and blanked all of us. His wife died several months ago and all of a sudden he started to speak us in a very jolly friendly manner. We kept looking behind us to see if someone else was there.

Oh there is always one Vampirequeen. I would be putting the tulip pots back to where they were to really cheese her off but that is my way of dealing with control freaky types?

Love your tactics which will be frustrating her. Two can play that game.

My mother's piece of wisdom was to smile at the nasty people or those who have hurt you and pretend you haven't noticed their expression. it confuses them all the time and shows them how silly they really are and makes you feel better about yourself. it works every time

I do firmly believe that behaviour breeds behaviour. Keep up the good work VQ, keep on being polite and pleasant, it's like training a puppy, eventually your awful neighbour might just smile back and be pleasant.

Oh Dowsabella , what a perfect opportunity for you exclaim "Oh! WHO's a clever girl then?" at your erupting experiment Would have been the stuff of legends!

Magi, there is nothing unkind in a friendly hello. It makes me feel good to appear extra happy - as I really do feel they must be unhappy themselves. Perhaps they notice the difference.

Yes,the '2 wrongs dont make a right' phrase crossed my mind too,when i read OP...my late mum said that a lot..

And Vampirequeen, don't 'up the ante' too much as she may start doing things in return,and while she cant sell you're stuck with her next door! I would have just bluntly asked her why she objected to pretty flowers though,that could only make her property look better also? Maybe you can have a window box instead? And put more flowers out front when she eventually sells.

I once had a very sarcastic chemistry tutor in college. He seemed to take delight in making cutting remarks to me when things went wrong like "Who's a clever girl then!" I might add that there were only two females in that chemistry class of about 30! I dreaded chemistry practical sessions, and then one day, I decided I'd had enough! So when he started making sarcastic remarks comprising a compliment in a derogatory tone of voice, I thanked him for the praise! I knew I'd won when one experiment I was doing erupted and left a green splodge on the ceiling. He said never a word, but helped sort out the wreckage! And later, when he moved to the biology department, he suggested I took one of his courses.

albertina- Id have told Anglian in no uncertain terms what i wanted them to do about it..in meantime just tell anyone trying to sell you anything that you're only renting the place & your landlord wont be interested. (whether you are or not) they soon scarper.(i am renting,but works well anyway,as for selling anything like double glazing,doors, etc. they need the owners permission to buy.)

Theres a man(not english,so he pretends not to know i think) tries to stop people parking in the communal car park near my daughters town house.its a close,and one or two properties do have their own parking space/garage,my daughter included,but if their cars on space,my sons had to try park in the small communal car park further up- & this man,whose house is NEXT to beginning of car park,always comes out shouting at people& threatening them saying its HIS car park! (its not,theres about 8spaces maybe more) now my son,only a young driver (prior to lockdown,of course) would park just behind my SiL's car instead,as he felt very threatened by him..This mans a tyrant.the housing association or council should warn him.

Greeneyedgirl has hit the nail on the head for me. The man next door to me is a bully ( his wife told me that when they moved in) I watched him from my upstairs window once persuading an Anglian window salesman to come to my house. He was pointing and laughing and talking to the man for a long time.
When he came to the door he was extremely rude and aggressive.I have a police notice in the window saying I don't want cold callers. I was very upset and have been replaying it in my head ever since. I wish I could get rid of it. I rang Anglian and told them what had happened and their response was "Well, what do you expect us to do about it ? "

I wish you well with your difficult neighbour.

Definitely the best way to handle this. Keep it up!

We shared a driveway with an awful neighbour for many years, I feel your pain. Bless you and just keep on being you.

Good for you Vampire Queen it’s the best way to deal with small minded people like your neighbour and you’re not sinking to her level but forcing her up to yours which I might add is decent and very calm and understanding. I’d like you to be my neighbour. Keep safe, enjoy the tulips and smile ??

Also known as 'killing with kindness'. I have a friend who was being treated badly at work. It was discreet but was clever enough to cause trouble. I suggested the K with K option and let the bully think you aren't offended at all. It worked, the offender was totally transformed! Maybe she needed to be liked by someone as nice as my friend.

A friend of mine who had a grumpy old man living next door used your tactics with great success, Vampirequeen. She described it this way ..."I loved him into submission".
And similar to the newspaper vendor story, someone once said of an unpleasant person...."She doesn't get to choose how I behave". Keep it up, Vq. Being pleasant and friendly towards a neighbour is no torment.

Keep up the greeting and a big smile should also annoy. I do this with a very odd chap who lives near me and I have to say it is satisfying (childish too, but satisfying nonetheless)

I have a similar but opposite problem. Last year I bought a ground floor exHA flat with it's own garden, both dreadfully neglected. I have worked hard to get both in a pleasanter state, most of the work done by myself, as I don't have lots of free cash. My upstairs HA neighbour has a really scruffy garden next door with a high hedge between. I have made lots of effort to be friendly with all my neighbours and get on well with them, BUT now I find that "her upstairs" is tellling all the neighbour what a show-off snob I am, trying to make my place a show home. If only! What I have is sale bargains, second hand and elbow grease. Fortunately most of the neighbours appreciate how much better my place is looking and don't take any notice of her, but it is still upsetting, especially with some of the things that land in my garden out of her windows (very personal things). As a newcomer, I stay pleasant and don't rise to the bait, but "snobbery" works both ways.