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Did your parents ever say they were proud of you

(153 Posts)
TrendyNannie6 Thu 07-May-20 16:42:22

Although I had strict parents, especially my dad, I had a very happy childhood, my dad wasn’t one for giving cuddles, but I knew I was loved, and was told few times, they were proud of me, I knew what I could get away with and what I couldn’t though, just one look from my dad said it all,

ninathenana Thu 07-May-20 17:00:31

Not that I remember.
I would say my childhood was happy, always clean well fed and tucked in and kissed goodnight by mum. Dad would hug me but I don't remember either of them saying they were proud of me or that they loved me but I felt loved.
They never helped with homework and I don't remember doing things as a family like playing board games except at Chmas.

GabriellaG54 Thu 07-May-20 17:06:33

Yes, when I passed my 11+ and was bought the bike of the moment, a Pink Witch on which I cycled to school every day.
I was a happy loved and well cared for child.

Luckygirl Thu 07-May-20 17:10:39

No.

I had a funny upbringing - on the surface we had all we could need, but behind closed doors my parents waged WW3 and cuddles were non-existent.

My poor Mum suffered dreadfully with PMT and we, as children, never knew whether we would be confronting Jekyll or Hyde. Very challenging for children. I only realised what the problem was an an adult.

And above all else there was an unspoken rule that we never let on outside the home how difficult things were - we all put on a face. Very stressful indeed I promise you.

So sad, because they made a good job of being grandparents most of the time.

Luckygirl Thu 07-May-20 17:11:32

When I passed the 11+ I had been promised a meal out - a very very rare thing in those times. Come the day, Dad took us all to the works canteen! Oh joy!!

Puzzler61 Thu 07-May-20 17:12:34

Not often, but they did when I passed 11-Plus exam.

When I told my mum I was pregnant - and I was married, age 24 - she scrutinised my stomach and calmly said “Are you sure you’re not barking up the wrong tree?”.
I’ll always remember it and it was hurtful. I was hoping for “Congratulations”.

Ellianne Thu 07-May-20 17:27:55

No. If I got 10/10 my teacher mum used to say I should have got 11/10 or if I got an A I should have got an A+. Even when I won ballet competitions she would criticise that I didn't point my toes at one particular moment. I could never do enough to please even getting into a top university.
I can't repeat what she said about the kind of mother I would make, (basically lacking), because it still upsets me 35 years later.

BladeAnnie Thu 07-May-20 17:36:29

I feel awful saying this but no. My mum still makes me feel like a naughty little girl and I'm 57!! I didn't have an unhappy childhood but always felt in the way. She was very dismissive of my children and wonders now why she sees so little of them. I overcame lots of problems throughout my life and was really proud of myself when I became a nurse in my 50's. It goes without saying my mum did not approve!! However my sister is a totally different story!! It used to bother me but not any more - I've got a nice life and really don't need anyone - even my mum - bringing me down. I still see her in case anyone is thinking I'm an awful person!! X

FlexibleFriend Thu 07-May-20 17:40:28

I knew I was loved and yes they told me they were proud of me. They thought I was clever and I could do whatever I chose to do. I was one of four and don't think any of us doubted we were the centre of our parents world. I had a great childhood.

Puzzler61 Thu 07-May-20 17:41:36

BladeAnnie you’re not an awful person.
Well done for becoming a Nurse later in your life. That’s amazing. ?

Scentia Thu 07-May-20 17:43:07

No, never. I wasn’t in to amateur dramatics, I was a county swimmer, but I could have been the prime minister and it would never be as good as the other three who followed in their passion of Am Dram!!
My mother still says I was a crap mother and has said to my DD on many occasions that I was never maternal and didn’t enjoy being a mum. She couldn’t have been further from the truth in saying that, luckily my DD told her so too!!!
They were not interested in me as a young person or an adult, as I never ‘tipped my hat‘ to them like the others did/do. I don’t care anymore though ?

sodapop Thu 07-May-20 17:51:15

My parents never said that directly to me but in conversation with others they said so. I don't think it was considered good for the child to praise them in those days.
No overt signs of affection either and I did find it difficult as an adult to hug my family.

Calendargirl Thu 07-May-20 18:00:30

I knew I was loved, but my parents never said they were proud of me. I passed my 11+ and I know they were pleased, but they never said so. My older sister hadn’t passed, and I think they didn’t want her to feel out of it. (A lot of us mention the 11+ don’t we, shows how important it seemed).

My parents thought it would make you big-headed to be told how great you were. Heaven knows what they would think to many children nowadays, who are constantly being told how brilliant and amazing they are.

Lucca Thu 07-May-20 18:03:59

My mother didn’t believe in praise. It would have made me big headed was I think her reasoning.

She was pretty quick at criticising.

It appears that she praised me to other people ( my siblings for example) But never to my face. And to me she said how great my siblings were.

BladeAnnie Thu 07-May-20 18:09:02

Puzzler61 - thank you for your kind words x

Missfoodlove Thu 07-May-20 18:09:37

No sadly.
They were however immensely proud of my brother.
Classic golden child and scapegoat.

cornergran Thu 07-May-20 18:34:49

I don’t think they used the word ‘proud’ but it didn’t matter. I knew there was love, they did say ‘well done’ at times. They helped me when I needed it, created a space for me to study, made sure I was warm and had good food to eat, gave me a hug. It wasn’t necessary to say they were proud, their actions said it for them.

TerriBull Thu 07-May-20 18:49:10

Not that I remember! People weren't given to effusive language when I was growing up, maybe our parents generation lived through and experienced some of the worst aspects of a world war, possibly a factor in not showering us with praise.

Certain naff c'lebs like to share with the world, the messages sent to offspring on birthday, which usually includes something along the lines of "we're so proud of you" what for! for drawing breath confused Everyone's proud of someone these days for doing bugger all!

Lets be proud of those who deserve it such as our medics and health workers.

Doodle Thu 07-May-20 18:55:34

This has made me really sad reading how many dint feel loved. I do hope my own children and grandchildren know that they and DH are the centre of my world. I am not sure whether or not my mum and dad ever said they were proud of me but they certainly loved me. My brother and I we are always loved by mum and dad along with my DH and my SIL. We were always treated the same. I have always known how lucky I have been

oldgimmer1 Thu 07-May-20 18:58:21

No. It wasn't really the done thing. I think my father was proud in his own way.

When he died, my mother was going through one of his jackets and found a picture of me that was in the local paper when I won a scholarship to University.

He'd kept it all those years. I was quite touched; he never showed any emotion and had a formidable temper. It seemed completely out of character.

I could never please my mother, no matter what I did.

annep1 Thu 07-May-20 18:58:26

There were seven of us. I was the one who went to grammar school. My mum loved me and was very proud of me although she didn't use those exact words.
My dad on the other hand hardly ever spoke, was rarely at home (pub every night) and didn't seem to care.
I found out later that he kept in his suit pocket a photo of me in my school uniform and showed it to his pals. I wish he had told me.

I think there is much better communication between parents and children nowadays.

Maggiemaybe Thu 07-May-20 19:00:13

Oh no, they would never have said it, it would have made me conceited. grin When we lived in pubs though, I’d often catch my dad passing my school report and any awards round the regulars in the bar. Oh dear, they must have been bored stiff! And he did once say that the women in the family had all the brains, and the men had all the looks, which I guess was meant to be complimentary. grin I never felt the need for constant praise though, because I just knew I was loved and I knew they were proud of my achievements.

Teetime Thu 07-May-20 19:03:16

Absolutely not.

MissAdventure Thu 07-May-20 19:18:21

No, that kind of thing wouldn't be encouraged.
Other people told me my mum was very proud of me though. smile

eazybee Thu 07-May-20 19:21:37

Yes , frequently, when I had done something they were proud of, even into adult life.