Did your parents ever say they were proud of you

My mother didn’t believe in praising as far as I remember. She was apparently proud of me but would never have said so to my face as I might have become conceited in her view. She was pretty quick to point out my failings !! You can’t wear that your legs are too fat/ you have no common sense eycetc

JackyB that's a great idea, I'm going to praise both mine today (without it looking too obvious). No time like the present!?

No, never. It was thought to encourage’big-headedness’ years ago and it does have an unfortunate effect on self esteem. My youngest sister was brought up much differently as she was the 4th, was spoilt and favoured and doesn’t remember having self esteem issues.

I was praised, I think, but it made me less and less confident. I didn't want to stand out. I am now realising, on reading this thread, that I probably didn't give my own children enough praise for their achievements.

I will try to remedy that when I next speak to them - they are brilliant. DS3 has yet to finish his Masters Degree but he is an amazing, rounded person.

I think parents back then didn't have the knowledge about the effects of their own behaviour on their children.

My mum was very stern, but it was because she wanted perfection, so it seemed, out of us.

Never.

Not when I became a Registered Nurse,then a Midwife,then a Registered Sick Children’s Nurse.

Not when I became an Army Officer.

Not when I married and bought our own lovely house.

Not when I had my three children.

My Father said nothing ever,but like a previous poster my Mother criticised everything,I was always doing wrong in her eyes.I have always told my children and grandchildren how much I love them and that I am proud of them.

Well, I would say he's as he is precisely because of the adulation from his mum.

Spoiling a child doesn't set them up well for adulthood, I think.

My mother often told me no one liked me! It must have driven her mad when I replied I didn’t care! As for feeling loved or getting any praise, I.cant imagine what that feels like. Kids are left with low self esteem and I certainly was. Unless you have experienced such a childhood you can’t imagine what it does. My husband had the polar opposite childhood. The only child of an adoring mother whose only pleasure in life was marking sure he had as much as possible. Surprisingly he is very self centred and unaware of the needs of those around him. Strange isn’t it after all the love and attention he received in his formative years.

Lemongrove. You're right. They were different times.

My father was a hard working, kind, 'provider.' I always felt loved, valued and protected but he was more than likely to compliment me in a light hearted, teasing way than say he was proud of me.

I'm sure he was.

Mum just went with the flow.

Absolutely not. It was always understood in our family that any kind of praise or admiration would instantly lead to big headedness.

I'd been married 10 years before I started a family and I waited until Mother's Day to tell my mother that, by the next Mother's Day, I'd be a mum too. Without any hesitation she said "You bloody fool".

Lemongrove - it is easy! - I can remember following my mother round the kitchen asking for a cuddle and her saying "Don't be silly!" Truly you do not forget stuff like that, even though I was only about five.

I'm glad so many other posters have been honest about their less than perfect parents. Lemongrove it is very easy to remember what was said many many years ago when you have been badly hurt by the words of someone you tried so hard to please.

I left school with a full set of good grades, but I left university to get married and produced 5 children in 10 years. I held down a job and studied part time for a degree. My mother surveyed my bright, well-behaved, polite children when we went to visit one day, and opined ‘such a pity you never achieved anything!’ What she really meant was that because I didn’t complete my original degree course, I had deprived her of bragging rights on the dinner party circuit.

When I got my first class Oxbridge degree, I invited her and my Dad to the ceremony, rather than my husband. I had a copy of the certificate done in gold leaf and framed. I gave it to her immediately after the ceremony, and said ‘Here’s what you want. Now please get off my back’. I don’t think we had another meaningful conversation in the three years after that until she died, although we visited them every couple of months.

My Dad never said he was proud, but he took great delight in saying ‘What’s up, doc’ every time I visited after I got my PhD a few years later.

Strange question.

Of course they did!

My parents never said they were proud of me. It just wasn't done in those days. However, achievements were celebrated with a meal out or something but no actual words of praise. Actions spoke louder than words I guess.
My grandparents made me feel loved.

My mum used to take photos and letters out of my bedroom when I was at work and show them to her colleagues (she was a school bursar)
They were pics of and letters from the boyfriends I had, past and present (at that time)
I think it was to back up the stories she told, as many were household names.
Mum didn't have a social life after dad died and the only family member who did anything out of the mundane was me.

It was all so long ago....how can anyone possibly remember what a parent said to them when they were children/teenagers?
In any case, most parents weren’t all that demonstrative back then were they?
I knew that my Mother loved me, but can’t remember being told anything specific, and certainly have never worried about it.

No.

I was never good enough for my mum and my dad was too laid back to be bothered.

When I passed my 11+ my mum was pleased to be able to show off. I never did anything to make my mum proud even as I got older. My having 5 children was embarrassing and I have never behaved as the wife of a professional should!

When my Mum died two years ago, several of her friends told me how proud she was of my achievements and my family. It made me really sad because she never told me. She thought praise made you complacent and you wouldn’t strive for better.....I just thought I never gave her pleasure and wasn’t good enough.

Not really. I was told things I couldn't do like learning ballet because I wasn't supple enough and learning the piano, although we had our own, because I wouldn't be any good. I realise now that what they probably meant was that they couldn't afford lessons but it didn't help my confidence. They seemed to worry about making me big headed so everything I did was downplayed till I wasn't sure if I was good at things or not.

GrannySomerset
What a very nice post.
I do believe, as do you, that giving encouragement and a belief in your own value is a priceless gift to pass on to any child no matter how clever or how incapable they may seem.
Everyone has something worth nurturing.

No, my mother never seemed to miss a chance to put me down, in fact. When I sat my O grades, I got 7 As and 1 B, one of the best results in the whole school year - but instead of praising me, she felt I'd let her down by not getting 8 As. It took me until I was in my 40s to realise that even if I became Mother Teresa, invented a cure for cancer and brought about world peace, it would still not have been enough for her!

How sad that so many posters lacked active praise and encouragement as children. We were extremely hard up but my mother made it clear how much she loved me and admired my (few) successes. I was given a self confidence which has been worth more than anything money could buy, and I instilled into my own children a belief in their own value. I truly believe this is the most valuable gift any child can have as it arms one against spite and bullying and occasional failure.

My father did say that - and it meant the world to me. I never got on with my mother, but then, she didn't like children!