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Should I be so upset?

(105 Posts)
Glamnan123 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:02:46

Hi there. Sorry this is my first post and it’s a moan but I’ve just become a grandma today and even though I’m close to my son and his partner apart from posting the news on our group family WhatsApp, he’s not actually rung me. Am I being too sensitive? I know people do things differently nowadays but I’m really hurt. I’m so happy for them but feel like it’s going to be a bit of an anti climax when I hear from him.

Thanks

Molli Sun 07-Jun-20 10:54:41

Congratulations on becoming a grandparent. My DS and DiL had their first child 2 days into lockdown. I had a phone call very early that morning - he sounded shattered just to say the baby had come, his weight, time, name and that his wife was ok. It was such a relief to know they were all ok.

It's difficult to know when the best time to phone a new family so maybe just send a text to say. Love to hear from you when you can. It worked for us and I got a call while DS was dog walking baby in sling one morning and another family one with baby asleep.

These are difficult times but time passes quickly. We have just met our new grandson properly. He gave us plenty of smiles, quizzical looks and is very much a little person. We talked about missing out on visiting when he was first born. It was not how my DiL expected to become a new mum. She had been looking forward to showing her baby off and having family round and walks with other mums she'd met at NCT and none of that could happen. She felt pretty isolated at times I think. She works for a local radio station as a broadcaster/ producer and when she left for her maternity leave she was tasked with doing an audio blog. Little did she know that lockdown would happen but it reflect being a new mum during this time. It has been quite emotional to hear it. But time marches on and lockdown has eased and we had a lovely time yesterday. We have well and truly bonded with our grandson and he won't know that we didn't see him for 11 weeks.

You too will have a lovely relationship with your new grandchild. smile

Dianehillbilly1957 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:54:41

I personally think that mother's deserve to be the first to receive a phonecall however brief!

Patticake123 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:50:29

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your grandchild. Don’t fret, enjoy the moment. He’ll be worrying about his wife and child and it’ll be nothing personal.

Jishere Sun 07-Jun-20 10:41:55

Congratulations it seems it's the new norm. You are lucky it wasn't an anouncement on Facebook.

But bare with your son it's obviously an hectic time especially if Mum and baby are unwell. Wish mum and baby wellx

Doug1 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:36:33

I was upset when this happened to me too until I realised that there was so much going on that my son was unable to leave his partner to get to his phone. The call much later when mother and baby were both settled and happy soon made up for it.

icanhandthemback Sun 07-Jun-20 10:36:27

Congratulations on the birth of your grandchild. Don't be hurt, it is just the way the younger generation do things these days. I always try to look for the intention to deliberately hurt me and do you know what? There is rarely a case of that. (Sorry about the grammar but I have no idea of how to punctuate those last two sentences!) This is the moment in your life to start doing that with the DIL and your son whilst also sense checking what you are saying. If you are are going to say anything about what you did with your own children with breast feeding or the like, make sure you note any differences with a positive wonder at the things you do today. I very quickly found that kind advice is easily mistaken for criticism and it is easy for us to forget that there is vast amount of anxiety coupled with hormones, tiredness, etc going on with Mum. Good luck.

rowanflower0 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:36:19

Congratulations!
I think that he has probably been up all night, is exhausted, jubilant, overwhelmed and confused at the moment. Give him time to re-surface into the real world,. Meanwhile just send a text of congratulations, it will help to focus hid mind.

Teddy123 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:35:52

Congratulations! Was just trying to remember whether my 2 'kids' rang me the day their babies were born. I can't remember.
As long as you knew, don't worry. Your son is probably overawed right now. They'll be home soon you'll be able to speak to them.

Rosina Sun 07-Jun-20 10:34:29

My son looked shell shocked when our GC was born - I don't think he would have known his own name if asked. He's probably being irrational and isn't himself - just hug yourself with pleasure at this wonderful news and I'm sure you will hear soon!

Bevthecake Sun 07-Jun-20 10:34:21

It’s the modern, quick way of doing things now. I’m sure he’ll fill you in more once things have settled down. Congratulations and stay positive and look forward to your first post COVID 19 cuddles X

Justwidowed Sun 07-Jun-20 10:31:50

Congratulations on becoming a grandma,the first one is so exciting.These days what's app and texts seem to be the easiest way for new parents to spread the good news.One of my GGD was born earlier this year and my GD sent me a photo of Mum and baby with name and weight 20 minutes after the birth.,but I am sure it went to everyone.
AnotherGGD was born last year and the new mum phoned me,when I asked the weight she couldn't tell me as she was still in the birthing pool !!
A further 3 GGC are due this year and I'm sure What's app will come in again.
Enjoy your new grandchild and I'm sure your help will be appreciated.

Pame Sun 07-Jun-20 10:31:35

I would WhatsApp your son and ask when a good time to call would be. You could then video call on WhatsApp and see them all. Hope you get in touch soon.

SheilsM Sun 07-Jun-20 10:30:31

Glamnan 123, I completely understand how hurt you were. I’d be the same but as you yourself have now said, there were reasons why you didn’t hear from him. As I have found out, there are usually reasons. I guess being very sensitive (as I am) doesn’t help. Enjoy being a Grandma.

Wilma65 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:27:59

Can’t you call him?

readsalot Sun 07-Jun-20 10:26:18

Congratulations! What wonderful news. It has obviously been a difficult time with the current situation and poor new mum having health issues too. When my DGD was born almost four years ago my son told me they wanted time to be a family before they received visitors. Their baby, their choice. However it didn't take long before I got the phone calls to come up and help and for the past three years I have been looking after DGD one day a week or more. This is day one of being a grandma so please let it be about them and their baby and get ready for the phone calls!

NanaPlenty Sun 07-Jun-20 10:24:16

Many congratulations- a phone call would of course been lovely but they do tend to do things differently these days. I’m sure you will speak soon xxx

Venus Sun 07-Jun-20 10:21:42

Of course your son should have phoned you with the good news. Who wants an impersonal message on Whatsapp? I'd have been extremely upset if that had happened to me.

I hope your son calls you very soon and many congratulations on the birth of your grandchild.

TrendyNannie6 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:21:19

I can understand why you would be hurt that you didn’t get a phone call we did when our AC had their first couple of babies but as two more babies came along it was a text and spoke to them a few days later,

optimist Sun 07-Jun-20 10:17:19

I hardly ever phone people and find it very intrusive when people phone me unless they have texted first to check when is a convenient time. I dont want to intrude on others so for me it is a text message, whatsapp or email.

ladymuck Sun 07-Jun-20 10:16:44

How lovely to be a grandma, congrats. I'm sure everyone is a bit gobsmacked at present. Even though a baby is expected and planned for, it still knocks you for six when it actually happens. You can have a good chat when all the initial excitement has calmed down.

Rondetto Sun 07-Jun-20 10:15:57

I would get in touch and tell him how thrilled you are. Don't say how you feel inside, that wouldn't be the right thing. I'm sure he will be so pleased to know you are thrilled for them.

polnan Sun 07-Jun-20 10:15:26

Interesting to see this today... my dear girl friend is almost having a mental breakdown over her first grandchild.

made me recall my first adventures as a grandmother, over 20 years ago now... looking back,, I think many grandparents have heart ache of some sort over the gks.. I have two sons.. two lovely dils... the mother of my gks hardly included me when the gks were young, (eldest now over 20, youngest 1l) not excluded , but I so wanted to be part of their upbringing, having them stay over... it never happened... (well one gk, unusual circs,long story)

we don`t hug, we are sort of close, but not close as a grandma usually likes to be.. it actually hurts me to read of how some gparents are so very close to their gks. involved in their daily lives..

I think .. we will have hurts being grandparents. as we were as parents, we are all different... at the end of the day, I am just happy (grateful?) for any contact with my gks..
lovely sons, but rarely phone me either. but I do know they love me in their way...

Dorsetcupcake61 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:12:33

I do sympathise. My son in law text us,probably at insistence of my daughter. Later found out he hadn't contacted his own parents until next day! It is a busy time and modern technology does make it easier if less personal. I hope mum on mend and all well?

Taliya Sun 07-Jun-20 10:12:09

He probably should have rung you but maybe he is just too busy with everything at the moment. Yes, I would be a bit hurt too. Anyway, congratulations on becoming a grandma and I'm sure you will be able to see your grandchild soon.?

NotSpaghetti Sun 07-Jun-20 09:31:34

We have a family WhatsApp group but we also have personal ones.

Why not just send a loving message on the personal one? That's what I do if I want to feel closer. You could ask if he needs anything for him, the new mum or baby for example. We took a fresh salad and a fruit salad over in a chiller bag which the ward staff took through and they both enjoyed.

Not sure what would be allowed with Covid-19 but you could ask.

Congratulations to you all though.