Please can I have permission to either scream or cry?

I can empathise Phoenix. My MIL died of cancer as did her mother but my husband just won't do the bowel screen. His father died of complete organ failure due to uncontrolled diabetes. DH was told he was pre-diabetic at his last Well Man Clinic (historically booked by me) several years ago so won't attend now. His mother had wet and dry macular degeneration which can now be treated and his eyesight is becoming shocking but he cancelled the optician's appointment I made him. Sometimes I could scream but there is no point because he'll just clam up if I keep nagging. His ex-wife said he was a head in the sand person and I didn't believe her...!
His hearing is also going which makes discussions about things slightly more tetchy than they used to be. Now, not only does he get confused about what he "thinks" I was talking about even though I wasn't, he can't blooming hear me anyway. We have recently had arguments when we were actually agreeing but he just didn't realise it!

Yes, I have one as well. Never one to argue just sits quietly until I had finished raving then would say 'have you finished now' which would make me even madder. Never had an apology in the 50 years I have known him and our 'conversation' these days is always in the question form with a response of a yes or no.

Now in lock down the silence is deafening but on the bright side DH has made me cups of tea and even stretched to making curry., which is always delicious by the way.

I do feel I am living with a lodger but it does mean I am left to do my own thing. It would be nice for one to have someone to share with as I do spend my days on my own. So I am really looking forward to meeting up with my pals of the U3a again, which is why I joined them in the first place and that was 5 years ago.
So I have come to the conclusion that this situation will never change and I have stop questioning him about it. Now I try to make my own world a little brighter, in the hope he will want to join me when he is ready.

Mine is on a very short fuse. Yesterday he slammed the door because my daughter told him to stop putting more food on her plate. I was embarrassed. Then last week his car broke down and someone beeped the horn. Husband shouted "I hope you get the virus". This is so not like him.

I would love to know why men have this barrier up when it comes to going to the Drs. I wonder if it’s a Macho thing or they are scared of what they will be told. It definitely runs through generations with male species.
I wish you well and hope he sees sense, sooner rather than later.

I hope that objecting to racism isn't just ' jumping on a bandwagon'. Shame on you.

Sorry you're having a hard and anxious time phoenix. I know what it's like to worry about DH's health. Sending you and [hugs]

Unfortunately the tv stations seem to be taking everything off that is comedy that can be misconstrued as 'offensive' in one form or another right now- even for the tiniest of 'reasons'- even poor Gavin& Stacy have come under fire even though its been immensely popular with all ages, and brilliantly written and acted by talented people! I blame the idiots who jump on every bandwagon going just cause they're usually ignored

I am a widow but I do still have a Father who is driving me nuts ? Childish behaviour with ' I told you so' repeated at least 3 times. Aaaaagggghhhhh

Wish I was back to work and back to my husband evening and weekend relationship too much time together for me.

My OH is also a man of few words - even his sister tells me he’s even worse than their F was. We’ve always led separate social lives - his with animals and a sport, whereas I’m meeting friends and my 2DDs and DGS when able and allowed.
Unfortunately, I have now turned into OH’s carer. In the past fortnight, following 4 courses of chemotherapy and numerous infections he seems to have become disorientated and confused - keeps messing with his phone and changing the settings or is unable to get to grips with the tv remote, which I then have to resolve.
I am hoping things improve but not too optimistic.

I've been married three times, divorced twice & now widowed.

No1 was a controlling b*****d

No2 left me & 4 year old DD after he lost his job, moved in with an older woman

No3 was an absolute darling apart from not facing up to anything. He loved a quiet life, no amount of nagging would get him to see GP, but if he asked me to make an appointment I knew he was very worried.

I've been widowed over 7 years but much as loved DH it would have been purgatory living with him in "lockdown"

I too have a Benign Essential Tremor, had it over 20 years, not severe but in times of stress it manifests itself.

P I hope you can get MrP sorted out, remember this will pass in time. Also my late DH would never argue, frustrating at times, I still miss him though. Sending you, a or is in order

Going through a similar phase with my own DH as you Phoenix. Very frustrating....

Am trying to keep,busy, positive and upbeat...
Thanks for suggestions how to cope from other GN posters which I might try myself...

Agree totally with GrannyGravy13! After 50years of marriage, I’m still learning...

My husband just thinks he’s right all the time so I just get frustrated & wound up because he doesn’t want to listen to my point of view & turns everything round so it’s my fault.Cant have an argument with him,just ends in a shouting match.

I feel for you. I have the opposite problem as my H loves an argument. I don't. He has been out of work since last August & sometimes I am at the end of my tether. As a business analyst there is no work out there at the moment. I am longing for the day when he gets a new contract. Luckily he has some volunteer work at the moment which gets him out more. He can be lovely but he can also be a real pain in the you know what!
Roll on the end of this nightmare time & having the house to myself a bit.
I bet a lot if us are feeling the same.
Hang on in there.

Can empathise - I have one like that and we are just housemates. He’s also incredibly stubborn - I can no longer be bothered to try to explain why we need to future plan - He has lots of animals, We are in an isolated home and he has long term heart problems. He has been told the whole lot will be on the market before his funeral.
I find it suits just to get on with my life as well as feeding and watering my ‘child’!!

I wish I had a husband to argue with.

But I hope you manage to sort it all out,sooner rather than later

I’ve been married and divorced twice, no:1 was a controller, no:2 turned to drink when his business collapsed, there will never be a no:3 ?. Men and women truly are very different creatures, but in my experience it just comes down to respect. If something concerns you to the degree that you wish to talk about it, then your partner should show you respect and discuss the issue. To walk away and shut you down is just so disrespectful and it’s telling you that your opinions do not matter. It’s when this happens in a relationship that feelings become eroded, you start withdrawing and living your own life and one day it’s just all gone and you know that you have to walk away. I have immense peace in my head for the first time ever, and I’m not selfish, I have too many AC and GC to care for, but all the angst and mind games I endured are gone for good.

COULD BE A WHOLE LOT WORSE !! Count your blessings, do a Shirley Valentine and shout at the wall - it will make you feel better and won't do any harm either to you, the wall or him. He just might want to find out what you're doing ? What are you arguing about ? Maybe he feels the same way about you - think about it. I guess we expect too much of our DHs (thanks to sloppy love songs etc etc ). He's just a person and so are you. Life's tricky right now and this lockdown has shown up any fractures - too bad, get him to get a boy's own hobby.

Biting my tongue is a skill I have learned since lock-down and so glad that I have. Usually within a minute or so it becomes clear that he did not need directing to do something and was just going about it from a different direction . Our husbands are not half-witted and we are not perfect.

Sending ...........men, can't live with them can't live without them.

They are definitely wired differently to women.

I just make the appointment then tell him. He always goes as it is an ultimatum but then he is very easy going and after my health issues he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

I understand your concern phoenix. My OH had a tremor for a long time - we are talking years - before he would consult about it - but he was himself a GP and had already made his own diagnosis and was waiting for the moment when he felt treatment might be productive.

Some tremors are totally benign - but he would, as you well know, need to see GP to discuss his problem and get a definitive diagnosis. If it is Parkinsons that is your concern, one of the first symptoms is an inability to write clearly.

He is of course scared, which is why he will not discuss it. Waiting a bit is unlikely to do him harm, so it might be worth backing off on the subject for a while - I know that is hard and leaves you with the worry, but in the end he has to make his own decision. Maybe tell him you are not going to mention it again for a while, but state that this leaves you with a worry on your mind.

In my experience men are very reluctant to seek medical advice - it feels like some sort of personal failure I think.

I am sorry you are battling with all this as well as lockdown.

Hang on in there. x

Sorry to read about the added stress of Mr P's health and refusal to do anything about it phoenix.
These are indeed strange times, during which we are all trying to get on with it despite nothing much changing for us older people.
Men - a different type of human, no offence meant.

I think an ultimatum is called for.
I had to resort to it a couple of times with my own H when he was being stubborn.
Once I told him I just wouldn’t speak to him or cook for him when I asked him to do something very important to me and I couldn’t do it myself, he did it the next day.
Regarding asking for help from the Dr, I tried every which way to get my surgery involved when his Alzheimer’s was becoming apparent to my family and myself.
They would not cooperate.
All I got was, it has to come from him, I did get him there after some blunt speaking but he did go along with it after the initial visit.
Good luck.

Essential tremor is fairly common, my grandmother had it and son in law has it too.