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Please can I have permission to either scream or cry?

(86 Posts)
phoenix Fri 12-Jun-20 20:27:00

Hello all,

Things not going well, don't seem able to get my point across without an argument, but of course Mr P doesn't do arguments, he just shuts down.sad

I don't seem to have a husband, just a housemate.

lemongrove Fri 12-Jun-20 20:29:56

No, but you have my permission to have a very large glass of

phoenix Fri 12-Jun-20 20:31:31

Thank you, lemongrove, I think I need it.

lemongrove Fri 12-Jun-20 20:31:44

It’s all down to the present strange times we are living do tend to close down when depressed, but better that than bickering all the time or a flaming row ( unless there is a really good reason.)
You have my sympathy.

Hetty58 Fri 12-Jun-20 20:31:53

My first husband wouldn't argue either. It's impossible to do it alone. He'd go off to another room and read a book, leaving me hopping mad. Sometimes, I'd write him a letter to explain things!

Dollymc2 Fri 12-Jun-20 20:32:03

Ah Phoenix, we are all feeling the strain right now
Chin up and smile
Get a tray of olives, cheese and crackers and put some comedy on the tv
I would recommend Kevin Bridges

JuneRose Fri 12-Jun-20 20:32:32

Bling are you married to the same man as me?😄

JuneRose Fri 12-Jun-20 20:32:45


phoenix Fri 12-Jun-20 20:34:36

Sorry to say I don't think it's all down to the current situation, perhaps it's just highlighted it.

rosenoir Fri 12-Jun-20 20:35:30

I had one of those, left me feeling that I had over reacted when out of frustration I would end up shouting or in tears when trying to get my point across.

Urmstongran Fri 12-Jun-20 20:59:59

Role reversal in our household phoenix! Himself is an alpha male, (Mr Always Right) with a deep voice. Plus he is 2 years older than me and I think he’s of the opinion that’s another ace for him! He never walks away from an argument. Whereas I like the quiet life.... I’m a conciliatory type.
Probably annoy the hell out of HIM though!

MissAdventure Fri 12-Jun-20 21:07:37

Oh, there's nothing worse than some bugger who won't argue.

grannyrebel7 Fri 12-Jun-20 21:08:52

My DH flies off the handle very quickly these days. I usually try to keep the peace but sometimes I just lose it too and then we have a big row. If I'm quiet and don't say much I get accused of being passive aggressive. I can't win atm. I don't think spending so much time together helps. Miss my work mates and friends so much. Will be so glad when all this is over and we can return to some sort of normality.

phoenix Fri 12-Jun-20 21:21:15

Urmstongran ex husband was so busy being a man, (and macho) that he forgot how to be a person, I put it down to short man syndrome.

Mr P is lovely, gentle, all my female friends adore him, but.......

merlotgran Fri 12-Jun-20 21:25:41

DH has taken to shrugging when he CBA to reply. I think I can last out for about fifteen shrugs before I explode. grin

janeainsworth Fri 12-Jun-20 21:33:28

Is it something specific you want to argue about with him P?
Or would that be TMI?

phoenix Fri 12-Jun-20 21:52:19

It's just how things are, he won't discuss things, (I have been on at him to take steps 're some health issues, i.e. at least get an appointment) but he just wont, even down to refusing to have an eye test, let alone consult the gp about other things!

He has had a noticeable tremor in his hand for months, but won't discuss it.

phoenix Fri 12-Jun-20 21:56:12

Actually, this is more complicated than I am prepared to go into on GN.sad

Thank you to those who posted.

janeainsworth Fri 12-Jun-20 22:22:05

Oh dear, I’m sorry P.
Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing, and this may be one of them.
Hard to stand by I know, but eventually he’ll have to face up to whatever’s going on.

Bathsheba Fri 12-Jun-20 22:30:52

My DH used to be the kind that wouldn't argue, just walked out the room. But that was many moons ago, and he has learned from the best. sometimes I wish I hadn't taught him quite so well

Namsnanny Fri 12-Jun-20 22:32:59

Phoenix … maybe just venting here has allowed you to realise it's a bit more complicated than can be explored on GN.
That in itself might be helpful to you?

Sorry this is happening to you, and Mr P.

Hope you get some sleep, glib I know but it does help.

Callistemon Fri 12-Jun-20 22:38:08

DH does like an argument a heated discussion but when he knows he's losing he tends to refuse to argue debate any more.

phoenix Fri 12-Jun-20 22:38:34

Thank you all.


Callistemon Fri 12-Jun-20 22:41:30

You could make him an appointment and just tell him time and place.
He sounds as if he has ostrich syndrome.

Doodle Fri 12-Jun-20 22:46:18

phoenix I realise you probably said more than you wanted to but as you mentioned tremor, there is a condition called essential tremor (sorry you may already know this in which case please ignore this). My husband and son both suffer from this. It is a benign condition and apart from being a nuisance nothing to worry about. You are right to want him to get it checked out but just wanted to let you know there are other reasons for tremor. Take care of yourself and Mr P 😊