Please can I have permission to either scream or cry?

Ah yes, fear of GP. Can you get him to a health MOT when the doctor/health care assistant can do these things.Mr Lois would not go the GP until he had to have one of these . When he eventually could be bothered after moaning that he was 'perfectly ok ,thank you' for months he was found to have type 2 diabetes. Thankfully after going low carb he is in remission. Now of course he has health checks on a regular basis. Perhaps ask the GP for an MOT for both of you and ask him to attend so you can both be seen? ( when that is possible of course) .

Phoenix, could you do as Hetty58 mentioned and write him a letter?

As SueDonim said, perhaps if you mention your worries to your doctor he could maybe send out a letter for a routine, age-related "MOT". I believe doctors are supposed to carry out checks at certain ages. Or do you think your husband would be suspicious of that?

I’m sorry times are hard, Phoenix. My dad had essential tremor in his hand which was a b*gger because he loved to paint and draw. It was benign, though.

Mr P sounds depressed, to me. Maybe you could speak on the phone to the doctor yourself. I know the doctor can’t talk about your Dh to you but I think sharing your worries with your GP might be a start.

Phoenix, my DH is a bit the same.
He was prescribed tablets that he decided didn't suit, so stopped them.
When I said that if he were to have a stroke, I wouldn't be able to take care of him, he had a rethink.
Tablets now being taken.

Best of luck and hope he listens.

phoenix, Mr C also won’t talk about medical matters, he has a Masters in head in the sand. However, if I say quietly I think it would be good to get the GP to put my (not his) mind at rest he will allow me to make an appointment. He then listens to what the GP has to say and takes notice. The process does frustrate me, I’m his wife not his mother, but it gets the outcome I need and I suspect he wants so I go along with it. I’m sorry you’re worried, sleep well if you can.

I told DH the other day that other couples discuss and debate in a rational, reasoned and sensible manner and asked why he can't.

Obviously I was wrong, other men people don't either.

Its frustrating. My husband won't discuss things, he actually doesn't talk very much at all. But I love him dearly and I can usually cope with it when I can get out and see my friends.
If its something important and he's not listening I write it down and give him it to read. He seems to take this more seriously. Perhaps you could try that.

I also try to tell myself things will get better when this crisis is over. And I spend a lot of time doing my own things.

I know a couple of people who have essential tremor.
One has had it as long as I can remember and hers is a long- term benign condition.

Thank you so much all,

Eloethan if only he would at least agree to a telephone consultation with the GP.

I'm so worried about him, but he won't even discuss it.

phoenix I can certainly relate to the last sentence of your original post. I would have liked, during this horrible time, to at least have the comfort and companionship of a pleasant and reasonably communicative "housemate" instead of a bad tempered and reclusive one.

Enough of my feelings though.

It sounds to me like your husband may be frightened of going to the doctor because he's scared of what the doctor might say.

At this difficult time it sounds like your husband is both worrying you and infuriating you in equal measure. All I can suggest is you hang on to the knowledge that your husband is, as you say, "lovely", "gentle"and a (normally) all round "adorable" bloke, and just hope that he will in his own time get the advice he needs.

Hope things soon get better for you.

phoenix I realise you probably said more than you wanted to but as you mentioned tremor, there is a condition called essential tremor (sorry you may already know this in which case please ignore this). My husband and son both suffer from this. It is a benign condition and apart from being a nuisance nothing to worry about. You are right to want him to get it checked out but just wanted to let you know there are other reasons for tremor. Take care of yourself and Mr P ?

You could make him an appointment and just tell him time and place.
He sounds as if he has ostrich syndrome.

Thank you all.

xxx

DH does like an argument a heated discussion but when he knows he's losing he tends to refuse to argue debate any more.

Phoenix … maybe just venting here has allowed you to realise it's a bit more complicated than can be explored on GN.
That in itself might be helpful to you?

Sorry this is happening to you, and Mr P.

Hope you get some sleep, glib I know but it does help.

My DH used to be the kind that wouldn't argue, just walked out the room. But that was many moons ago, and he has learned from the best. sometimes I wish I hadn't taught him quite so well

Oh dear, I’m sorry P.
Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing, and this may be one of them.
Hard to stand by I know, but eventually he’ll have to face up to whatever’s going on.
x

Actually, this is more complicated than I am prepared to go into on GN.

Thank you to those who posted.

It's just how things are, he won't discuss things, (I have been on at him to take steps 're some health issues, i.e. at least get an appointment) but he just wont, even down to refusing to have an eye test, let alone consult the gp about other things!

He has had a noticeable tremor in his hand for months, but won't discuss it.

Is it something specific you want to argue about with him P?
Or would that be TMI?

DH has taken to shrugging when he CBA to reply. I think I can last out for about fifteen shrugs before I explode.

Urmstongran ex husband was so busy being a man, (and macho) that he forgot how to be a person, I put it down to short man syndrome.

Mr P is lovely, gentle, all my female friends adore him, but.......

My DH flies off the handle very quickly these days. I usually try to keep the peace but sometimes I just lose it too and then we have a big row. If I'm quiet and don't say much I get accused of being passive aggressive. I can't win atm. I don't think spending so much time together helps. Miss my work mates and friends so much. Will be so glad when all this is over and we can return to some sort of normality.

Oh, there's nothing worse than some bugger who won't argue.