Please can I have permission to either scream or cry?

I'm often in the 'leave him to it' camp as well.

The reason all has been peace and harmony chez merlot during lockdown is because all DH's outpatients appointments have been put on hold. Three months of not having to persuade him that it's not really a pain in the a**e to make the effort to go and it's all for his own good and he should be grateful etc., etc., has been bliss.

With the easing of lockdown I just know it's all going to start again soon.

Men!!

Wise words, annep1

Farnorth I'm starting to feel that way. We have the odd occasion where he will have a laughing sort of moan about work colleagues that he has been on conference calls with, but anything personal or important, forget it.

Sometimes we just have to give up and accept things as they are. We can't force people to take care of their health, unfortunately.

In that situation, I wouldn't feel like talking to him - I'd be too dispirited.

Thank you all.

He just won't talk!

I thought I'd made a bit of progress with getting him to agree to have an eye test, but no.

He is very good at saying "yes" to stop the conversation, then back tracking.

To be honest, I can't see much changing.

Phoenix, sorry if my post sounded flippant, the fact that you haven't come back indicates that things are more serious than I thought. Hope your Mr P is okay.
I'm afraid my Stepford wives moves to make a calm and happy environment with my Mr P lasted 3 weeks. He put on a dark wash load this morning with two of our lovely, white, fluffy towels, now not so lovely, slightly grey towels.

I suspect I am a bit like Mr P ! I find confrontation very hard, and do just close off. My other half often complains he has a housekeeper rather than a wife, because I am expected to respond well to his every request, whim, peeve or even compliment. The best approach (for me), is not to confront or criticise, or try to obviously improve. Keep Calm and Carry On !

He must be my Husbands twin! Mine will argue about anything, can not agree with anything I say, he must say the opposite, and must always be right, its infuriating.

knspol yes indeed- be careful what you wish for! My H doesn’t know the meaning of discuss. It’s full blown argument As in row , or nothing.

Is there something else going on besides reluctance to see the GP?
You need to get to grips with things by a serious conversation .

.
Choose your moment but also choose your battle, don’t waste it on unimportant matters.

Try writing him a letter and leave him alone to read it and think about it. It will help you keep your temper and calm so you don't shout or cry.
It might help him take your concerns seriously.

Got one here.

Won't go to the doctor even though he is in agony. Pretends not to hear me when I know he has. Is stubborn about everything. Disappears when things need sorting out. Is an expert at most things, or so he thinks. Thinks I am a total nag. The list goes on and on.

Can't wait until things get back to some sort of normality and I can socialise again with friends.

Is the tremor worrying him, perhaps? Maybe that is part of the reason he is being particularly uncommunicative.

Phoenix, I know you suspected that your Mr P may have joined me on my excursion towards Argate and I assured you that it was in fact my Mr P but now I'm beginning to wonder. Gentle, lovely, adored by my female friends, likes the quiet life, dislikes confrontation and a hand tremor to boot.
My Mr P has a tremor in his right hand, most noticeable when we spoon at night, I sleep on his left so his right arm drapes across me, the constant twitching and jumping keeps me awake, I now put up with it until he falls asleep and then wriggle away.
I did bang on about it for quite some time but then gave up, he had to see the nurse for his INR check recently so I asked him to mention it to her. Apparently he forgot! She did though check his blood pressure which was very high.
This latter scared me a bit so I gave some thought to what I could do to help so cut out salt and stopped holding him responsible for my happiness and turned my attention to his, a little hug at odd times, sweeping my hand across his shoulders as I pass him, a quick peck on the cheek sometimes.
I realised these were things I expected from him but rarely gave myself.
Anyway long story short his blood pressure now normal and tremor hardly at all, could have been stress, quiet gentle types probably harbour more stress inwardly.
The other upside is we are much more husband and wife than housemates recently.
I also now feel a nice contentment in lock down together.
Your situation may be totally different to mine but thought my tale worth telling in case it helps, hope so.

DH used to annoy me considerably by just not engaging in any sort of argument however irate or unreasonable I became. So frustrating. Now, however, he's the opposite and flares up at the slightest thing. Be careful what you wish for!

I went to my OH's (and my) GP when I thought he might have PD. GP got OH's medical history up in the screen, then just said he could not discuss it - that told me all I needed to know really. If it had been good news I think he would have said.

He needs to know that there are lots of other causes of tremor.

I suppose maybe he just does not want to know the answer.

I know how frustrating this is - I have been there. Felt so impotent, as I am sure you do at the moment.

If it is any help, my OH did have PD and with medication had 10 reasonably good years before it became a serious interference with his life. So it is not all gloom, even if that turns out to be the diagnosis. But, as others have said, tremor can be a symptom of lots of different things.

So reassuring that I am not alone having a housemate. Lockdown has been difficult but manageable until I found this week my husband has changed his will and not bothered to tell me! In addition he denies making any changes. Time to rethink going forward.

I’m sort of with your other half Phoenix on the doctor front, I avoid at all costs! My husband always wanted an answer or a reason for any problem.

What about saying over the next couple of days Pheonix, that you don't quite feel too good.

If his advice is that you should make a telephone appointment with doctor, then make one and pass the phone to Mr P

Thank you all so much for your posts, they really are appreciated.

I mentioned it to GP ages ago, he even sent a letter asking Mr P to go in for a "follow up" after a chest infection.

Did he go? No, of course not, I was told "No, I'm fine now, it's all cleared up"!

Difficult time's for many of us at the moment, I seem to be living with 'Mr moan about everything' at the moment.

phoenix try just telling him about your concerns once quietly and then leaving it. I've got a few, seemingly minor, complaints at the moment that I'm leaving until I feel more confident at the doc's, perhaps he'll do that. Also he might just want a quiet life with so much else going on at the moment - you have your way of coping, he has his. I speak from experience, OH was complaining about how rude and agressive Piers Morgan and BBC reporters were these days, just ranting and shouting over people's opinions. I call him Piers now .

They are definitely wired differently to women.
GG13 Are we playing Anagrams!?

phoenix, would Mr P go to the doctor if you make the appointment for him?

Some years ago when my DH was convinced he had cancer, he didn't dare make the appointment, but when I offered to do so, he was happy to let me and went, and it wasn't cancer.

Sounds to me that MR P is in a funk, right now, probably certain he has Parkinson's or the like.

I think I would ask if he wants me to make the appointment.

If he says NO very loudly, you could perhaps mention that it worries you.

Oh, there's nothing worse than some bugger who won't argue
MissAdventure. You must be old enough by now to know that "Silence is the hardest argument to refute!" ]
OoRoo