Have you a friend you secretly hate,

I think hate should only be used if someone has done something that had changed your life and not for the best.
I prefer dislike and can think of several persons to dislike and will go out of my way to avoid contact with them.

I do have some people I keep on the email and card list - friends from college, other homes etc, with whom I have very little in common now. - Not many, I lost a lot of 'friends' when I went down (seriously) with ME. Before that I'd always been a helpful doer - when I couldn't be, that showed me the truth of why they were 'friends'. Quite a lot of people who I'd thought were close friends - never saw them again. Good thing in the long run but shocking at the time.

Hate is too strong a word to use about someone you are friends with, but one of the answers about friends who tell you all their woes ad nauseum without asking about you, is something that resonates strongly with me.

NO WAY do I have a friend that I secretly 'hate'. IF I hated somebody that much, I wouldn't have them as a friend.

I have a couple of 'acquaintances' that I might not see eye-to-eye with, but I would never say that I actually 'hate' them.

Whenever I find myself 'not liking' somebody, I try to work out what it is about that person that I don't feel comfortable with. Is it something within ME? Is it something that they actually say or do? Could it be a bit of jealousy creeping in on MY behalf.

If all else fails, I've found that it's good to pray for myself and them - once you actively pray for somebody else's well-being or situation in life, you find it easier to cope with their faults.

As a Christian, I believe that we're meant to 'be part of this world' but to not be negatively influenced by people whose behaviour goes against the teachings of Jesus.

oopsadaisy, back on page one... I`ll be your friend!

I don`t hate anyone, I love everyone, don`t always LIKE what some people do.... but hate is a very strong word...

Like Terribull- if I had a 'friend' I didn't like I would not see them. Easy!
It is more difficult when they are a relative!!

i used to tolerate people to a fault, including family members and friends.Around 10 years ago i realised i was a people pleaser,the result ,I cleared out these people,i now have fewer friends, but my life is calmer and generally better.A friend recently complemented me on my resolve and said they wish they could the same!

Hate is such a strong word. I can honestly say I don’t hate anybody, although there are some people that I despise. However, why call somebody a friend if you ‘hate’ or even just ‘dislike’ them.

Well, hate is much too strong a word, but I do have a local friend who is irrritating; - so much so that don't think I really want to see her any more. I'm not exaggerating when I say that every conversation is about herself and her problems.
And she takes no account of my bad back. If I say it's bad today so can we please just sit down somewhere she takes absolutely no notice and insists we walk through the woods, or wherever. I've seen very little of her through the lockdown until recently and now she's even more annoying, talking about her Covid experiences continually.
And yet I am aware that I don't have a lot of friends, and she can be kind hearted sometimes, but is it worth it I wonder.

Oh yes! One of our 'girls' group is bigoted, rude and generally nasty. I can't stand her, but others in the group are more tolerant. I put up with her otherwise I will lose their friendship.

Jane10, been there, taken same actions. Can do without people like that.

Omg I also have a “ friend “ like this . We have been “ Friends “ for 38 years she knows all my secrets etc etc, not sure that I know hers but that’s fine .
However ,During this Lockdown period - she hasn’t once contacted me , I have made a point of contacting people I phone .
So when I felt down in the middle of lockdown & we had messaged each other I messaged her telling her how down I was feeling . Also I mentioned some other family stuff .
Her one response was not to pick up the phone as I would of done But to message me back with what I would call a “ Pick yourself up “ message not ideal & certainly not what I expected from someone I classed as a “ friend” certainly .
I don’t even bother to respond & Yet still no telephone call .
It’s probably time to pull the plug I feel .
In my message to her I mentioned how my DD was having to cope with her job ( NHS) 3 Children & House Etc Etc without her Hisband . Her response to that was “ Have they Split up” As I didn’t respond she still doesn’t know the answer , which is that he has had to Shield sue to having a compromised immune system & is staying with his Mum some 40miles away!!!!!
Again she knows my DD has known her since she was 5 years old .
I get to know or hear about every little thing her perfect GS’s do .
Ok over now

We have been friends with another couple for 45 years. The woman is mildly annoying at times but the husband is such a lovely man. He would help anyone out , he is charming, attentive, generous and I can’t think of a nicer man. My husband hates him. He now won’t go to any events he is at, won’t have them in our house and the mere mention of his name infuriates him. I remain friends with them and see them on my own, which can be very awkward. I can only think my DH is jealous of him.

Gilly, Bluesky freeandeqsy we could set up a Nanny no mates club! Although I guess then that we would have mates?
Hmm a conundrum.......

Oh Freeandeasy friends who needs them?? Glad you managed to ditch her. The one I mentioned was and is so false, not just with me but with everybody. In work couldn't be avoided but now like you I don't keep in touch and if I do see her, with her fake kisses, I tell her as little as possible. Hugs back to you Freeandeasy

I’m reminded of a sentence at the beginning of The Country Girls (Edna O’Brien) when describing Baba.
‘She was my best friend and I hated her.’

I have few close friends - I don't have the energy to develop friendships.
I don't like the word hate although I have strongly disliked one or two folk.
My best friend irritated me enormously sometimes by talking endlessly about her grandchildren but I loved her.
Why would you be friends with someone whom you hate?

Of course not.

I don't think I've ever hated anyone - inanimate objects maybe but people no

I also have no friends nearby so only get irritated by one whose life is lived on FB and looks so wonderful to outsiders - in reality I know she hasn't had the easiest of family lives and some of it is a facade.

Totally daft question if I had a friend I didn’t like there is no way I would continue to have that friendship
Hate and friend don’t fit in the same sentence

Sorry about the repeat “in turn “

Y es, BlueSky - I totalling know where you’re coming from. I don’t have any friends now either and if you’ve read my previous post you’ll know I lost what I perceive was my ‘best’ friend. In turn, it turns out she wasn’t, but I’ve moved on. She wasn’t my ‘best friend’, I realise that now. We all need to move forward. Sending you hugs and I hope you will send them back because I’ll certainly need them!. x

I don't hate anybody plus I've got no friends! No there are people I don't particularly like such as a former colleague who pretends to be your friend only to talk about you behind your back. Lovely!

gillybob.....welcome to the no mates club!

No, but I do have one that irritates me often ?
Her, her husband and their daughter all have health issues and sometimes it seems that's all she can talk about.
She has a heart of gold and we have been friends since our girls were at play school together.