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Have you a friend you secretly hate,

(81 Posts)
TrendyNannie6 Sat 20-Jun-20 11:38:48

Reading through a magazine the other day I came across this headline, I thought it very strange, that it went on to say most of us have a girlfriend we secretly hate, I must be very odd then as I don’t, I could t quite grasp the meaning of hating a friend, I have a small circle of friends, whom are lifelong ones, yes we disagree along the way, but who doesn’t once in a while, be very boring if we didn’t have minds of our own, but no there’s no jealousy that I know of,

boheminan Sat 20-Jun-20 12:07:06

The thought of hating a person you call a friend seems contradictory and frankly a bit creepy!hmm. My dearest friend drives me round the bend at times (as I do her) but to hate anyone is a bit OTT.

Charleygirl5 Sat 20-Jun-20 13:16:01

I have a friend who is very irritating but I do not hate her. She is a world authority on everything and wants to know where every penny I possess is banked. Naturally, that would be the wrong place and she would proceed to tell me once she has tried to find out the amount. She would want to know the worth of my house, what my pension is etc. Anything which is personal but there is a kind streak to her.

Pantglas2 Sat 20-Jun-20 13:35:35

An oxymoron surely?

I have friends going back to primary, secondary, college and ones I’ve collected since and although we’re all different in politics, religion, personal tastes and financial situation, I’m sure we wouldn’t hate each other.

I don’t doubt we irritate occasionally but because we’re not together 24/7, we’re big enough to put it aside next time we meet up.

Kate1949 Sat 20-Jun-20 13:36:07

I don't hate anyone. I have a friend who is very sweet and kind. She is also, at nearly 70, slim, attractive, has shiny glossy hair, two children ( one of each obviously) who have never given her a minute's trouble, a perfect home. With all my physical defects I sometimes find her irritating but that's my problem not hers.

Jane10 Sat 20-Jun-20 13:41:34

I like all of my real friends. However, on two occasions it has become obvious that people who I'd thought of as friends obviously were not. I judged this from things they were saying either to me or about me to others. I dumped them.

EllanVannin Sat 20-Jun-20 13:52:35

Oh gosh no. I think if you did have such a friend, you wouldn't have been friends in the first place would you ?

Oopsadaisy3 Sat 20-Jun-20 13:53:17

I can’t even speak to people I dislike so no chance of having a friend that I hate.
But then I don’t have any friends!

FlyingHandbag Sat 20-Jun-20 14:03:49

It seems oddly creepy. X

Maggiemaybe Sat 20-Jun-20 14:07:31

I’m not two-faced, so no. My friends are my friends because I like and, in many cases, admire them for their characters and personalities. If I really dislike someone it’s for a reason, so I don’t give them the time of day if I can help it, let alone count them as a friend.

Niobe Sat 20-Jun-20 14:08:26

Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies closer.
I don’t have any friends who I hate, I would end the friendships but I do remember a girl who was a total bully when I was in primary school. She was a very proficient fighter and would pick fights so she could beat up other children. Everyone was afraid of her but she lived near me so I was really nice to her and eventually she tolerated me enough to leave me alone and would even seek me out to walk home with after school. Eventually she and her mother moved away much to everyone’s relief.

paddyanne Sat 20-Jun-20 14:10:23

No but my husband has one or two that I just put up with rather than actually like.They're his friends so his choice and they do have a lot in common sadly the wives aren't women I would spend time with if it was just my decision.The've been around over 30 years and I am always nice but sometimes I'd rather not see them ,feed them or spend time with them at all.Lockdown has had a silver lining .

LadyBella Sat 20-Jun-20 14:12:22

I had a friend who I found irritating and patronising. She thought she owned me. After 40 years I did something which annoyed her and she never spoke to me after that. Good riddance.

ginny Sat 20-Jun-20 14:33:10

Basically , why would you call someone you ‘hate’ ( strong word) a friend ?
Friends are people you enjoy being with and are mutually supportive of each other.

merlotgran Sat 20-Jun-20 14:34:27

The thread title reminds me of my father who would roll his eyes and laugh, 'My best friend....I hate her!' if ever I complained about something a school friend had said or done. grin

felice Sat 20-Jun-20 14:37:09

I met a Woman a couple of years ago who seemed nice, my age, single, retired and similar interests.
She came to a couple of large events here in the Garden, after the first 2 she hung around for quite a while my lovely team and I were clearing up. I had a lot to do 62 and about 45 guests respectively so a wee bit to do at the end and no time to chat.
Then she came to a charity BBQ here last Summer and was quite rude to some of the guests as I was not paying attention to her. I found out later.
She then invited me to dinner where she was so patronising I walked out.
I will probably see her again as she is a member of a group I am active in but I will be avoiding her as much as possible.
I get a lot of patronising here, to some I am 'just a cook' , I soon put them straight.

Judy54 Sat 20-Jun-20 14:41:14

No I have never hated anyone. Not everyone we meet will like us and we won't like everyone we meet. I have a small group of close friends and know lots of people from various groups I belong to but would describe them as acquaintances. One difficulty I had was when an acquaintance expected more than I was able to give. She had no understanding of boundaries and assumed that she had a right to be part of the rest of my life. Everything was about her and her needs. Interestingly enough when Mr J became ill she disappeared because we no longer met her needs. I have never heard from her since wish is a blessing in disguise for me.

Smileless2012 Sat 20-Jun-20 14:47:28

I agree Pantglas, an oxymoron; very odd.

GagaJo Sat 20-Jun-20 14:48:07

I'm not tolerant enough to put up with someone I dislike.

As some others have said though, my bloke has one friend that I just can't tolerate. He's arrogant, very over impressed with himself, and 3 or 4 years ago it came out he'd been having an affair for 5 years with a woman abroad. It crushed his partner of 25 years. He then continued to try to turn up to the same social events with the new woman. Fortunately, most of that social group (other than 2 or 3 of the men, including my bloke) ostracised him. At which point he accused his ex of bad mouthing him!

My partner went to his wedding to the new woman and wanted me to go. I wouldn't. His ex is a friend and I'm loyal to her.

TerriBull Sat 20-Jun-20 15:19:13

If I secretly hated someone, then I don't think I'd have them as a friend. Several of my friends I first met when we were at school, so I guess we are aware of our individual foibles as we've been observing each other for years. I guess we can all be annoying at times. One I meet more often than the others usually for lunch as we only live about ten miles from each other. She does increasingly talk about herself and her family rather a lot, sometimes I feel I'm just listening to her without having much of an exchange. Not so with the others I was at school with. Having said that because we have a lot of history together, we met aged 5, I wouldn't want to be without my lunching companion we are pretty close.

I also count my step daughter as a close friend, sometimes I get on better with her than I do with one of my sons, my relationship with him can be a bit up and down at times.

Kate1949 Sat 20-Jun-20 15:22:40

I do get irritated (I'm easily irritated) when, as happened last week, I phoned a friend to see how she was getting on in lockdown. The call lasted about 30 minutes during which time I heard all her woes and the woes of her family, friends, neighbours, budgerigar or whatever. At no point did she ask about me and mine. That will teach me to ask how she is!

sodapop Sat 20-Jun-20 15:32:56

Katie1949 your first post resonated with me. I have a friend who has cared for various family members without complaint, she is an excellent cook, her hair always looks good and she could wear a bin bag and look elegant. How I hate her grin

yorkie20 Sat 20-Jun-20 15:33:53

SNAP oopsadaisy 3......Im the same as you
Kate1949 SIL was exactly the same, she would ask how we were 20 seconds before she ended the phone conversation.

Kate1949 Sat 20-Jun-20 15:40:34

soda grin. yorkie There are a lot of them about!

Grandmafrench Sat 20-Jun-20 15:40:49

You're often stuck with your family and your neighbours. Your friends you get to choose and therefore I would never tolerate a pretend friend - a person I disliked and had no time for but continued to see with others just because our paths crossed occasionally. I really feel that life is too short. I treasure my friends - ones you are totally relaxed with, ones who have your back and perhaps you don't see for ages but then you do and you just take up as if you were together yesterday. My friends I cherish. To discuss 'friend' and 'hate' in the same sentence smacks of weakness and hypocrisy, I feel.