Have you a friend you secretly hate,

To hate a friend is an oxymoron?
I don’t ‘hate’ anyone I know, even my irritating next door neighbour. Dislike perhaps and occasionally loathe! I have a really good friend, very wealthy, married to an equally wealthy husband, who irritates me no end when I hesitate to buy, for example a dress or some make up on the grounds that it’s expensive & I really can’t afford it, by saying of course you can, you’ve got pots of money - far more than I have. (I don’t). She who has a holiday home on a Mediterranean island, goes on at least 3 cruises a year (not this year ) and buys clothes like they're going out of fashion.
Most friends irritate at times and I’m sure I do my own amount of irritating

No - I try not to hate anyone (well, maybe the !!!!!! who robbed my 98 year old mother of her precious jewellery las year, but as I don’t know him - and it was a he as he was seen but not caught - I can’t hate him, only what he did.

I once had what I would call a “toxic” friend. I met her when I first started work at 18 and she took me under her wing (she was three years older). She went on to work elsewhere but we still kept in touch for several years, meeting up once a month or so. Our evenings would always start out Ok but as time went on (and after a glass or two of wine) she would start to turn a bit nasty. There were no ‘direct’ comments just put downs about my weight/partner/job etc. I think she was jealous because when she left the place we both worked at I got a significant promotion and she regretted leaving as it was possible that she would have been offered the job. After a few years I just stopped seeing her - no explanation but just didn’t return her calls or emails. I haven’t seen her for years now and wouldn’t want to. Luckily, it’s extremely unlikely that I would ever bump into her. If I did, I would be pleasant then make my exit as quickly as I could.

I don't have many (from choice). Most of mine are ex colleagues who have kept in touch.

I don’t have any friends either oopsadaisy3 . Call me Gilly-no-mates

I've never said I hate anyone. Hate's a strong word. I prefer to say I don't like someone.
I ought to say I hate my ex husband but I don't but that's another story.

That's it exactly Terri . I feel as though I am just listening to some of them. They rarely enquire as to our lives.

You're often stuck with your family and your neighbours. Your friends you get to choose and therefore I would never tolerate a pretend friend - a person I disliked and had no time for but continued to see with others just because our paths crossed occasionally. I really feel that life is too short. I treasure my friends - ones you are totally relaxed with, ones who have your back and perhaps you don't see for ages but then you do and you just take up as if you were together yesterday. My friends I cherish. To discuss 'friend' and 'hate' in the same sentence smacks of weakness and hypocrisy, I feel.

soda . yorkie There are a lot of them about!

SNAP oopsadaisy 3......Im the same as you
Kate1949 .....my SIL was exactly the same, she would ask how we were 20 seconds before she ended the phone conversation.

Katie1949 your first post resonated with me. I have a friend who has cared for various family members without complaint, she is an excellent cook, her hair always looks good and she could wear a bin bag and look elegant. How I hate her

I do get irritated (I'm easily irritated) when, as happened last week, I phoned a friend to see how she was getting on in lockdown. The call lasted about 30 minutes during which time I heard all her woes and the woes of her family, friends, neighbours, budgerigar or whatever. At no point did she ask about me and mine. That will teach me to ask how she is!

If I secretly hated someone, then I don't think I'd have them as a friend. Several of my friends I first met when we were at school, so I guess we are aware of our individual foibles as we've been observing each other for years. I guess we can all be annoying at times. One I meet more often than the others usually for lunch as we only live about ten miles from each other. She does increasingly talk about herself and her family rather a lot, sometimes I feel I'm just listening to her without having much of an exchange. Not so with the others I was at school with. Having said that because we have a lot of history together, we met aged 5, I wouldn't want to be without my lunching companion we are pretty close.

I also count my step daughter as a close friend, sometimes I get on better with her than I do with one of my sons, my relationship with him can be a bit up and down at times.

I'm not tolerant enough to put up with someone I dislike.

As some others have said though, my bloke has one friend that I just can't tolerate. He's arrogant, very over impressed with himself, and 3 or 4 years ago it came out he'd been having an affair for 5 years with a woman abroad. It crushed his partner of 25 years. He then continued to try to turn up to the same social events with the new woman. Fortunately, most of that social group (other than 2 or 3 of the men, including my bloke) ostracised him. At which point he accused his ex of bad mouthing him!

My partner went to his wedding to the new woman and wanted me to go. I wouldn't. His ex is a friend and I'm loyal to her.

I agree Pantglas, an oxymoron; very odd.

No I have never hated anyone. Not everyone we meet will like us and we won't like everyone we meet. I have a small group of close friends and know lots of people from various groups I belong to but would describe them as acquaintances. One difficulty I had was when an acquaintance expected more than I was able to give. She had no understanding of boundaries and assumed that she had a right to be part of the rest of my life. Everything was about her and her needs. Interestingly enough when Mr J became ill she disappeared because we no longer met her needs. I have never heard from her since wish is a blessing in disguise for me.

I met a Woman a couple of years ago who seemed nice, my age, single, retired and similar interests.
She came to a couple of large events here in the Garden, after the first 2 she hung around for quite a while my lovely team and I were clearing up. I had a lot to do 62 and about 45 guests respectively so a wee bit to do at the end and no time to chat.
Then she came to a charity BBQ here last Summer and was quite rude to some of the guests as I was not paying attention to her. I found out later.
She then invited me to dinner where she was so patronising I walked out.
I will probably see her again as she is a member of a group I am active in but I will be avoiding her as much as possible.
I get a lot of patronising here, to some I am 'just a cook' , I soon put them straight.

The thread title reminds me of my father who would roll his eyes and laugh, 'My best friend....I hate her!' if ever I complained about something a school friend had said or done.

Basically , why would you call someone you ‘hate’ ( strong word) a friend ?
Friends are people you enjoy being with and are mutually supportive of each other.

I had a friend who I found irritating and patronising. She thought she owned me. After 40 years I did something which annoyed her and she never spoke to me after that. Good riddance.

No but my husband has one or two that I just put up with rather than actually like.They're his friends so his choice and they do have a lot in common sadly the wives aren't women I would spend time with if it was just my decision.The've been around over 30 years and I am always nice but sometimes I'd rather not see them ,feed them or spend time with them at all.Lockdown has had a silver lining .

Keep your friends close, and keep your enemies closer.
I don’t have any friends who I hate, I would end the friendships but I do remember a girl who was a total bully when I was in primary school. She was a very proficient fighter and would pick fights so she could beat up other children. Everyone was afraid of her but she lived near me so I was really nice to her and eventually she tolerated me enough to leave me alone and would even seek me out to walk home with after school. Eventually she and her mother moved away much to everyone’s relief.

I’m not two-faced, so no. My friends are my friends because I like and, in many cases, admire them for their characters and personalities. If I really dislike someone it’s for a reason, so I don’t give them the time of day if I can help it, let alone count them as a friend.

It seems oddly creepy. X

I can’t even speak to people I dislike so no chance of having a friend that I hate.
But then I don’t have any friends!

Oh gosh no. I think if you did have such a friend, you wouldn't have been friends in the first place would you ?