Embarrassing noisy neighbours

Thank you for your post.
it and the comments have really cheered me up I can’t
stop laughing.
We had a similar problem when when we lived in our first
home.Our three children are close in age and the chap next door came round one day and shouted at me to keep my children quiet as he was trying to sleep cause his baby had kept him awake all night.
I was furious as they were only laughing and playing not screaming or anything.
I replied I wished he could something about his bed head as it kept us awake banging all the time. I was joking but a bit later his wife came around and dragged me upstairs to look out
of the window there was her husband in the garden with the bed in bits oiling everything over and over.We fell about his wife and me laughing our heads off.
She knew me better and knew it had been a joke.
that was over 50 years ago but still at times like this still makes me howl ?????

If you forget the connotation you have given to the noise, is the actual noise loud enough to be unacceptable.? As far as I can see that is the only reason for complaint.
Unless you become embarrassed and shifty regarding the noise, your GC will think nothing of it, And why would you want to teach them that sexual intercourse was unpleasant and embarrassing?
Maybe your 50 something neighbours are rejoicing in the fact that they can still enjoy each other and want to share their joy with the world??

Wait until they finish, and then hold up score cards.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

A petition? Absolutely mortifying, I think.

Oh , it's hilarious. The couple in the flat above us make a noise in the kitchen sometimes and I can't work out if they are hammering a steak or meat for Viener Shnitzel or something else......

During my marriage we were once on a family campsite in France with the children, and late one night after we had gone to bed someone played a recording, very rhythmical and long lasting, of a woman experiencing an orgasm.
To my amazement, my then husband was convinced it was real!
It was so obviously glammed up, perfect timing that only an actress coud produce, and would any woman on a campsite, for goodness sake, be able to be so performance aware?
Still don’t know why anyone would want to play it late at night on a family campsite, though!
However, it does strike me that Grandma24 does say that she has only heard the sound of grunting, as she puts it, twice so far.
If it is lockdown related, then maybe that will be all. Let’s hope so, for her sake and the other neighbours too.
Thank you, Grandma24 and all the other writers for giving us some entertainment and hilarity today!

Hmmm, peculiar, "they live in the house at the bottom of our garden", are they Hobits? Have you ever met these creatures? More to the point are YOU Jealous? Perhaps you could ask if you could join in?
Get a life pet honestly if you think the noise of someone `getting off` is the worst thing in the world then it is YOU that has problems. Perhaps you should knock and ask if they are observing `social distancing`

grandma24 has written asking for advice . For her it is a serious and embarrassing problem and yet virtually no one has offered any serious help , sympathy or suggestions. You have nearly all treated it as a joke. I expect she is feeling disappointed and let down. Personally speaking I would also hate to be in her situation. We should be able to enjoy our gardens in peace and quiet. You all offered far more understanding to the person whose neighbour played loud music than to this.

Give them scores out ten!!

It is not an offence unless:-
It exceeds an acceptable noise level
Is done during `2-minute silence` (Armistice)
Listen pet (or rather don't listen) I AM BLIND I use the computer with the aid of specialised audible assistive software. (NVDA) and it is said when you lose one sense you gain another or it becomes more acute imagine what it's like to rely on sound you selfish person the only sense YOU have is NONsense!

One of my friends had a neighbour whose girlfriend used to howl at the given moment - they lived in a terraced house and let's just say, that as the neighbour's relationship was fairly new, my friend and her husband didn't get much sleep !
Next time they saw the neighbour, my friend's husband commented that he didn't think it was a good idea that a new dog was left on it's own for so long as it was howling at all hours - obviously lonely!
I could probably suggest a few suitable musical accompaniments for you though "Grandma24" !

Charming as ever, Gus

Only twice???? Someone's slipping! Must be the heat! ????? I know folk in their 70's......at it like rabbits they are!

Seriously, I would ignore it, it would be acutely embarrassing all round to mention it to them and it could just be someone exercising. Unless it goes on all day and night, and lets face it no one is that fit to keeping bonking for hours, leave well alone.

A couple of years after we married and were living in a first floor flat in Germany a new younger couple moved in downstairs. They were quite ‘active’.

Laying in bed one night minding our own business, waiting for the performance to end, my husband suddenly said, right out of character, ‘geez he’s got some stamina’.

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as much.

I had a neighbour like that, one day I saw her in her garden and I said to her " is your boyfriend good in bed" she replied 'what do you mean' then I mentioned the noises she made, she was so embarrassed she went bright red and ran indoors. Never heard her again!

Grandma24

I’m not uncomfortable I just wouldn’t think I was doing it and someone was listening to me.Im not a prude but think they ought to know everyone, at least another 3 houses can hear them.

How do you know? I'm imagining you discussing it with the neighbours !

We live in a Cul-De-Sac and the recently divorced female neighbour was bringing her men friends home and as soon as they arrived the kids were sent out to play and the way the houses are neighbours could see in through the top windows. Someone gently suggested the curtains were closed as not to see her antics! After that about 10 mins before the arrival of males the curtains would suddenly close and we all knew what was about to happen!

Download a copy of Ravel’s Bolero and start playing it loudly as soon as they start.

They should get the message!

I’m sorry to laugh as the op obviously finds it distasteful. I don’t want to hear other people ’at it’ and would hate to think others could hear me. I close the windows even in this heat when we’re doing anything. Although I don’t like anonymous letters I do think that’s the least embarrassing way to deal with it. I’d explain as kindly as possible that we could hear their antics, and suggest they close the windows in future.

Write a note on a computer (no recognizable writing) and post it to them. "Hi, I don't mean to embarrass you, but we can hear you having sex. I'm letting you know because I'd like to, if I were in your shoes."

That's it! They can choose to change it or not. Update us on a separate thread.

I think I’d get a recording of je taime and play it really loudly in their direction,that should send them a message!

Sorry but its none of your business

Shout out 'Bravo' or 'Encore'. I have a vision of a little house at the bottom of your garden where fairies live.

I imagine they need some cool air in this heat. Do you really think that your guests would mind? Perhaps if you are sitting outside they will comment on it and the couple will hear what they say. Likewise grandchildren might ask what the noise is and you can say playing a game or something - again the couple should hear, or you could just stand at the bottom of your garden and call out “ we can hear you” they will not know who it was and they may not care but if they do they’ll be highly embarrassed and make sure to close the windows next time.

If I stay at my son’s flat the same problem arises every Saturday night from the flat upstairs - you can hear every sound as presumably they can hear tv or radio from my son. They shouldn’t build housing like that,