Feeling very hurt at not being invited to party

Having been brought up by a widowed DM who often suffered these indignities, I hope I am more sensitive. We have friends who are single . It's true some never entertain so we seldom get invited to them as a couple.
I would be hurt too if I felt left out. So glad we don't live in a village!
GN meetups are the way to go!
When the lockdown is over you should organise something.

For my 60th birthday, two friends organised a get together for me with other friends.
It wasn't where I wanted, or what I wanted, which one of the organisers acknowledged, but I was told it was what suited everybody else.
Ever sat at your own party and wished you weren't there?

Later I went to the restaurant I wanted to with my son and had a lovely evening!

I think there is a big difference of not being an invited couple and that of a singleton. At least if you are a couple you have the chance to commiserate with someone whereas, a singleton bears the thought of rejection by themselves. New Year is the worst for me. I have everyone over for Christmas Day (Christmas Eve was spent as Dsil’s family) but Dsil’s family discuss what parties they have planned to throw the following week and what they have to do for 22 people etc

bathsheba Next time ?

I was single for a while and realised you need to try harder just to keep things going. Now (during lockdown) I have phoned and written to people regardless of whose "turn" it might be. I have always had a good response and I think it it too easy to let things slide or take offence. Having and keeping friends requires some effort - more so when you are single. Sad but true.

It hurts realizing you are not as close with other people as you thought you were.

So sorry SheilsM. You've reminded me of our angst, we had lived here for about ten years and always attended the cricket club with a crowd of people we viewed as friends. We were there one night and someone asked me if I was organising the transport to 'the party' - I had to say we hadn't been invited. It was a couple we knew, and my husband played golf regularly with the husband. Lo and behold, the night before, this man - a doctor - rang to say that he was sure I'd heard of his party, someone couldn't come, and we were first on his 'waiting list'! I politely refused on our behalf, and my husband and I giggled about it for ages. Who wants to be friends with someone as socially unaware as that!

In the 5 months that I was single I did entertain, it really is not difficult if you want to, not a problem to me but if you don’t cook there are loads of ready prepped meals and desserts.
If you want to stay single fine, but if you’re outgoing and want a partner one will find you!.

PS I have to admit I talk too much too - almost as if I have to make conversation for two!
Something I need to guard against, but when you’ve only had the dog for company there is so much bubbling inside that wants to come out! ??

So agree, Maw, about the danger of getting out of the habit of socialising. Have realised that when I do get the chance of a socially distanced garden chat I now talk too much because I haven’t had the chance (DH has little conversation these days). It is a real worry.

Mines not just flabby, I think its disappeared altogether!

A lot of my social life was bound up in eating out, theatre, cinema, exhibitions etc.

I can't even envisage a return to that. I may become a hermit?

With cinemas, theatres and restaurants being closed for the foreseeable future, my social life has ground to a halt really

Mine too, Chewbacca
What I am worrying about now is that having psyched myself up in the past to go out and do more, and I found it easier as I went on, but now that it has been brought to a forcible halt I fear it may be hard to screw up the self confidence to start again.
Somebody I heard on the radio recently said that socialising is like a muscle which you need to keep exercising or it goes flabby. Interesting thought. ?

It's certainly true that, as a singleton, you have to work harder and be more proactive, to build any kind of social life. With cinemas, theatres and restaurants being closed for the foreseeable future, my social life has ground to a halt really. And with heavy rain forecast for this afternoon, the long awaited, socially distanced, neighbourhood garden party, may not go ahead.

We invite singles to our house. The thing that I have noticed is that we don’t get asked back. It’s not that they exclude us, they just don’t entertain.
It is more difficult to entertain on your own but, surely with friends, you can always ask for help.
We have a friend who accepts every invitation, not only to our house, she is good company and very welcome but it does rankle that after about 15 years she has never reciprocated.
Not even beans on toast!

Our 'garden' party was 7 as one of our neighbours is divorced. I didnt know her when she was married - I wonder if that makes a difference?

We have a few friends who are widowed or divorced so I will be more thoughtful of how we include them now!

You have a point Davidhs but I think that is something to be resisted. Why should singles only socialise with other singles? Couples who were our friends when we were a couple are no less our friends now , but I agree it takes a lot more effort and courage to break down the fear of being the “odd number” or spoiling the dinner party placement

Singles don’t socialize much with couples, so if you are or become single you just have to be pro active and make your own social circle. Many singles have a friend or friends they meet up with often, days out and take holidays together.

It applies to men as well as women, all I can suggest is be an interesting person with a story to tell, don’t be the grumpy one who just complains about everything.

Preview, preview, preview....

^ When my neighbours asked to borrow chairs and dishes, but I clearly wasn’t invited I directed her to a hire company.^

Gosh it must have been hard not to say "oh so my chairs are invited then?"

Another vote here for Chewbacca's solution, be proactive and let people know you want to be friendly and included in things where possible.

eazybee

Setting aside the fact that a party in lockdown is rather dubious, I think you may well find that you are not invited is a)because you don't spend much time in your village so people don't know you very well, and b) because you are single. Sad but true.

It happened to me a lot when I first moved into the village with a largely absent, then divorced husband. It is hurtful, (sat in a darkened room listening to the happy chattering couples passing by on their way to parties) but the idea of inviting people round when we have the all-clear is a good one.

It’s true isn’t it?
I never thought life in the 21st century would be “coupley” - like those awful dinner parties exemplified by Abigails Party . A good friend in Scotland was widowed years ago, in her early 50’s and feeling completely cut off from a social life asked everybody to a huge supper party.
They came, they ate and drank and presumably enjoyed themselves but when it came to “return” invites? Not one
I swore it would never be like that for me - I am independent, I don’t mind going to plays or films on my own blah, blah, blah.
But it is not the same.
Kind friends ask me to lunch or an early supper before a film and (especially in the summer when we can eat outside) I am happy to invite friends to lunch BUT you have to be much more proactive when you are on your own and can feel much more rejected when an invite doesn’t work out. Or if everybody else seems too busy.
It is just that (big) bit harder to take your courage into both hands and take the plunge.
Good luck - I am sure it will work out for you but you may need to persevere!

I think you could invite them during lockdown assuming you have a big enough outside space!

We had a 'party' with some of our neighbours on Thursday. It was really easy as they brought their own drinks, glasses etc and we just sat around chatting.

Setting aside the fact that a party in lockdown is rather dubious, I think you may well find that you are not invited is a)because you don't spend much time in your village so people don't know you very well, and b) because you are single. Sad but true.

It happened to me a lot when I first moved into the village with a largely absent, then divorced husband. It is hurtful, (sat in a darkened room listening to the happy chattering couples passing by on their way to parties) but the idea of inviting people round when we have the all-clear is a good one.

Ignoring the fact that there shouldn't be a party at the moment, because that is not what you are feeling hurt about, I think Chewbaccas solution is a great one. As soon as allowed, make the first move...keep it simple so not stressful for you and show yourself to be a part of the community albeit on a part time basis in "normal times

Do you really want to party with people that have a party in lockdown. It really makes a mockery of what the majority of the country have been doing, in particular essential workers.