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Did you, have you, would you change your surname?

(120 Posts)
trisher Thu 02-Jul-20 08:48:39

Most women my age changed their name when they married and so did I. When I got divorced I could have reclaimed my maiden name, but I didn't bother, although I do have a couple of friends who use it. I simply thought it would be best to have the same name as my DCs.
But these days a lot of women keep their name when they marry. So I wondered would you change if you were getting married today and if you were ever to divorce would you return to your single name?

BlueSky Fri 03-Jul-20 15:40:09

Ms is the equivalent of Mr and there's nothing else you can call yourself once divorced and reverted to your own family name!

RhysTaylor1 Fri 03-Jul-20 16:06:31

I have married 3 times. Once divorced, next widowed, and yes, l changed my name each time. The first time, after divorce l didn't want my children to have a mother with a different surname. When l was widowed there was no reason to revert to my maiden name, but this time, I'm a double barrel ( for the second time) and it's hard. I sign my Christian name plus initials,bad l lose the will to live writing it out each time. However....would l do the same again ? Yes, probably. It's a v personal decision.

trisher Fri 03-Jul-20 16:08:42

BlueSky

I can't believe women are not proud of their own surname! Just ask a man to take yours instead! Luckily this old fashioned attitude is changing and some young men nowadays do change it to their wives' surname.

I don't think it's a question of not being proud of a surname. Sometimes a name can just be difficult to live with. Mine always had to be spelt, always raised a smile and sometimes was the subject of a joke. It gets a bit wearing.

Nortsat Fri 03-Jul-20 16:21:07

My partner and I have been together for 44 years.
We got married 6 years ago for financial reasons.
I didnt take my partner’s name, I see no reason to do so.

At a family do, a distant relative asked me ‘Does he (my partner) not mind, that you didn’t take his name and won’t wear a wedding ring?’, as if it were shameful...

Each to their own, I say ...

Romola Fri 03-Jul-20 16:42:19

You're right, you still seem to have to have a man's name, either your birth name or your husband's. We women disappear from history because of it.
But when I got married in the 1960s, my feeling was that I had at least chosen this man.
My DDs married name isn't as distinguished as our name, her "maiden" name. My DiL has kept her "maiden" name which she is known by professionally.

aonk Fri 03-Jul-20 17:17:06

I’m now on my third surname. I took my first husband’s name. After he died I remarried and took his name. That’s 3 names which people don’t seem to able to spell! Apart from that I really couldn’t care less what my name is.

Sing19 Fri 03-Jul-20 17:32:26

I've been married 30 years and didn't change my name. The only person who had an issue with it was my MIL, she was furious and took it as a personal insult that I was 'rejecting' the family name. Our son has my name as his middle name and his Dad's as his second name.
Sometimes folk assume DH and I have the same name and he gets called Mr Sing19 which is amusing!

Madgran77 Fri 03-Jul-20 18:45:29

I did change my name when I got married (43 years ago) and funnily enough it was the same as my Mothers maiden name so felt a bit like a full circle!

However if I was marrying now I think I probably would not change my surname.

Seajaye Fri 03-Jul-20 18:48:39

I didn't like either my birth name ( unusual spelling of fairly common name) or my married name (commonplace) much. I used maiden name for work purposes, hyphenated for official documents such as passport and mortgage, and married name for when the children were at school and for hospital stays.
Now I am divorcing as I approach retirement I am wondering whether a 'nom de plume' adopted by deed poll might be in order to mark the last phase of my life and to encourage me to write that potential novel and for my artwork.... as I quite like my mum's maiden name

maydonoz Fri 03-Jul-20 20:34:34

I changed my surname once and that was when I got married in 1977 as most brides did in those days. It seemed quite exciting to acquire a new surname!
I was happy with my maiden and now my married surname, which after all, I've been using much longer.
Our DIL has taken our DS1's surname and seems happy with it.
I think some professionals retain their maiden names for career purposes, it just makes life easier with documents etc.
It's down to personal choice especially double barrelled names which I think are rather cumbersome.

grannyrebel7 Fri 03-Jul-20 20:55:54

Couldn't wait to get rid of my surname so took DH's willingly. That was 1977 and I don't remember anyone keeping their maiden name then. All my friends changed names. My daughter took her husband's name too, but she did toy with the idea of not changing.

Framilode Fri 03-Jul-20 21:03:49

When a friend of mine married her husband took her name. She had an unusual french surname and wanted to keep it and also use it for any children of the marriage. It caused a few raised eyebrows at the time.

Urmstongran Fri 03-Jul-20 21:18:47

I love my husband’s surname! It’s really nice. I hated my maiden name - I used to get ribbed about it at school and I was happy to lose it.
😊

mjr2907 Fri 03-Jul-20 21:53:23

I reverted to my maiden name when I divorced and I’m getting married again in October (having postponed from May) and I’m not changing my name. It took a lot to reclaim it and I don’t fancy changing it all again, luckily the other half fully understands and it keeps my Dad happy knowing the name carries on as he only had daughters.

Legs55 Sat 04-Jul-20 00:23:22

When I married in 1977 I took my H's surname, more interesting than my maiden name. After divorce I used it for a couple of years as my new partner & I weren't married, however when I was pregnant with DD I changed my new to my partner's by Deed Poll, we later married & divorced 15 months later .

When I married DH (H no3) I took his very unusual surname, his parents were Austrian, arrived here in 1939. I was widowed 7 years ago. I would not change my name again as I love my surname, there are less than a dozen people with the same surname in the UK, I have to spell it out frequently & do get several variations on correspondence, I'm also proudly Mrs not Ms which I hatehmm

TerryM Sat 04-Jul-20 07:20:16

Marriage one , one child . Spilt up when child was three
I didn't change name. Child changed to my surname (by my choice ) . He legally changed it at age 18
Second marriage still didn't do it
Interesting side note that second husband's first wife (that sounds convulated ) has retained his name as her surname even though divorced for many many years and were only married three

SueEH Sun 05-Jul-20 09:22:10

I kept my married name after divorce as I thought the children would wonder why that name was good enough for them but not for me. When I discussed it with them years later - and after I did revert to my maiden name (not birth name as I was adopted so have more names than I ever needed!) they told my they could not have cared less!
What is my major issue is people still feeling the need to call me Mrs. When I showed my aged parents my new passport they said “oh there will be two Mrs Haworth’s” I explained that I was a Ms and that I’d never really wanted to be a Mrs and only actually got married to keep the peace (was more diplomatic than that obs) and that it had taken me three years and many thousands of pounds to NOT be a Mrs any longer. Mum still addresses everything to me as Mrs as she “thinks it’s best”. I have given up!

Shropshirelass Sun 05-Jul-20 09:30:43

I have changed my surname due to marriage but don't think I would again if I could turn the clock back. I feel as though I have lost my identity, I am Mrs.... or .....'s wife, ....."...'s mother. It probably wouldn't change this but I will never know. I do know of one man who took his wife's maiden name and they double barrelled their names, he had been married before and she didn't want to be the second Mrs ..... .

Keffie12 Sun 05-Jul-20 13:00:43

I seen a solicitor within 2 days of leaving the ex 20 years ago! I fled abuse finally after 16 years. I changed my name back by deedpoll straightaway. The ex moaned about it.

I told him I chose to marry him and take his name. I had chose finally to leave him and I didn't want his name.

He was bothered cos he thought I was going to change the children's name and what would they think. I told him I had no intention of with them.

I happily remarried and took my 2nd husband name. I am proud and happy to have my 2nd husband name