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Potty training

(116 Posts)
Joolz22 Sun 05-Jul-20 11:08:10

My grandson is 31/2 & healthy & bright but is not yet potty trained. My DiL has been furloughed for over 12 weeks & still not bothering. Tried suggesting now would be good time before he goes to preschool in Sept but her reply was ‘they will take them in nappies’. How can I get her to see the summer while she is home is probably better than trying to do it with strange people in an unfamiliar place when she’s at work! I don’t want to have an arguement or upset her but I think she’s just being lazy. What do I do? (Sad)

Sparklefizz Sun 05-Jul-20 11:11:17

I totally agree with you Joolz. Why should preschool have to train him when his own mother can't be bothered?

wildswan16 Sun 05-Jul-20 11:22:26

You really can't "do" anything. The pre-school will not be particularly impressed, but that is between his mother and them. At 3 and a half he will learn very quickly once he sees all the other children out of nappies.

Joolz22 Sun 05-Jul-20 11:25:57

She tried once when he was coming up to his 3rd birthday & apparently the Health Visitor told her it doesn’t matter if it’s left until he’s 4. Should I say something for my grandson’s sake or not interfere?

BradfordLass73 Sun 05-Jul-20 11:35:59

When I was a nursery nurse, I often came across this problem and it wasn't always a 'lazy Mum'.

What I suggested was having a colourful potty in every room - maybe decorated with stickers from a favourite character.

A child should be praised and rewarded for using them by little treats of fruit and plenty to drink. smile

Calendargirl Sun 05-Jul-20 11:36:46

All this saying it doesn’t matter is why 4 year olds are still running round in great big nappy pants.

As for the nursery schools not minding, back in the late 70’s and early 80’s when mine were at nursery, they were banned unless they were potty trained. It certainly focused the mind on getting them trained.

You can’t do anything about it though. I know where you’re coming from, but if DIL is not bothered, sadly it’s up to her.

Purplepixie Sun 05-Jul-20 11:39:39

I had the same with my DIL years ago and I totally agree - just bone idle! The summer was always the time when I got mine out of nappies and potty trained. That was back in the days of terry nappies and I was sick of washing them. My daughter hated being dirty so she was out of nappies before her 2nd birthday. Life is made a bit too easy for them now with the disposable ones. Just sit back and let her get on with it.

Greenfinch Sun 05-Jul-20 11:54:14

I regret all the hours I spent potty training my three. My DiL waited until her eldest two were 4 and then talked to them about it and they were both trained within a day or two. Presumably she will do the same with the younger two. They only attended nursery in the mornings and were not the only ones in nappies.The staff seemed not to mind. It certainly was not laziness. Just a relaxed approach. We have a lot to learn from these young Mums. They seem to have the confidence to do what is right for them.

granfromafar Sun 05-Jul-20 11:54:53

Very surprised at health visitor's comment.
How about buying a book on potty training - there's lots of good ones around. She may take more notice of it than your very good advice. Hopefully he won't take too long when the training is started.

PamelaJ1 Sun 05-Jul-20 12:09:10

We are big on potty training in our family. My niece has a baby, 6 months old and she ‘sits’ him on a pot now. She says it’s amazing how often he performs.
A lot less hassle than washing nappies. Yes we’re into real nappies too. These days they are shaped and colourful. We all seem to produce babies that respond well to early training. One of mine was clean and dry at 12months, the second was a late developer and took another 3 months!
I suppose it takes a bit of effort and time but I would have thought that a lot of mums would have time over the past 3 months.

H1954 Sun 05-Jul-20 12:13:30

Times really have changed...........when my daughters turned 3 years of age they could go to the nursery which was attached to the primary school that they would attend aged five. One of the stipulations was that ALL 3+ year old HAD to be toilet trained before starting nursery. Admittedly, some had "little accidents" that was to be expected but NO child went in wearing a nappy.

Calendargirl Sun 05-Jul-20 12:18:33

I don’t regret the time I spent potty training mine Greenfinch.

If leaving it till the children are age 4 is a relaxed approach, then I’m glad my approach was the opposite of that.

Perhaps it helped that we had to wash terry nappies.

I hate to think of how many disposables end up in landfill because children are still in them when they are nearly school age.

In that respect, I don’t think today’s mums can teach us anything.

silverlining48 Sun 05-Jul-20 12:40:04

It was certainly the norm in the 70s 80s to potty train from around 18 months, obviously our nappy situation was the smelly bucket in the corner with the milton and wooden spoon fir stirring ...I digress..
I was surprised when my gc were young the nappy sizes went up and up, older and older, which presumably normalised things and certainly recall them for 4 year olds, but apparently thats its how its done these days. What with fhe special night time ones too, oh and the special boys and girls... the nappy manufacturers must be rubbing their hands with glee.

ElaineI Sun 05-Jul-20 12:50:40

Some of you say such horrible things about your DiLs. It's actually none of your business.

silverlining48 Sun 05-Jul-20 13:06:45

Elaine I think its a general discussion about how things have changed re potty training.
No one is being 'horrible' about daughter in laws. I dont have a dil though was one, but I have to be very careful suggesting anything to my daughter. Its never received well. So to the OP its a no win situation.

jaylucy Sun 05-Jul-20 13:14:00

A lot of pre schools won't accept children that are not at least potty trained - the adult to child ratio is lower for the 3+ age group so they really don't have the staff available either to leave the room to change a child's nappy.
I actually gave my son a deadline when he was being potty trained (actually went straight from nappy to toilet with a smaller seat) by telling him that he couldn't got to playgroup with his friends if he still had to wear a nappy ( before Pull ups!) . It worked!

sodapop Sun 05-Jul-20 13:19:36

Yes we had to struggle with Terry nappies and horrible plastic pants Calendargirl focussed the mind on potty training early. I didn't have a washing machine initially either.
Who said they were the good old days.

Esspee Sun 05-Jul-20 13:29:23

Reading this I couldn’t remember when mine were potty trained. They did go to a Montessori school a couple of hours a day from 2 and a half so they must have been out of nappies by then.
I do remember them having “who can pee the highest” competitions with their friends once they could walk. Helped that we lived in the tropics so they went around in swimming trunks most of the time.

TrendyNannie6 Sun 05-Jul-20 13:39:20

I agree sounds lazy to me if your DIL isn’t even wanting to try, but I think you just have to stand back and don’t mention it again joolz , I’m surprised the health visitor saying it doesn’t matter if left until 4,

Shelmiss Sun 05-Jul-20 13:42:04

I left mine until they were 2 and a half as I couldn’t face potty training twins. But when I did, one was dry during the day within 24 hours and the other within 5 days. I’m glad I left it late!

NfkDumpling Sun 05-Jul-20 13:52:33

Two and a half is early these days Shelmiss!

My MiL told me she had a lap potty which young babies were put on directly after a feed once they were able to sit aided to catch what could be caught. Apparently the cold rim worked wonders and children were toilet trained as they learned to toddle to a potty! Terry nappies and no washing machines certainly concentrated the mind!

My main concern is that the majority, if not all disposable nappies used are not biodegradable and either have to go to landfill or incineration, neither of which is good for the environment.

Farmor15 Sun 05-Jul-20 14:07:04

Another one here who doesn’t agree with late potty training- both from environmental point of view and feeling slightly disgusted by healthy older child in nappy.

My 5 were all trained around 2 or so, without any stress. GD (2 ) is nearly trained now. Unfortunately there’s not much OP can do, except have a rant here! It would be better if pre-schools didn’t allow nappies (unless child has health issue) and health visitors encouraged earlier training. Disposable nappy manufacturers must have a vested interest in the trend towards later training.

jacq10 Sun 05-Jul-20 16:03:10

Agree NfkDumpling terry nappies and no washing machine did certainly concentrate the mind! I also had the incentive of the prospect of having two in nappies as there is only 18mths between my DD and DS. Luckily DS was due at beginning of July and a with a few good months of early summer weather had DD in light summer clothes and although we had a few accidents she was happy putting on wee panties rather than bulky nappies! DS was a bit later in starting using the pot but was still off before two and happy with it. Don't really remember us stressing about it.

Lucca Sun 05-Jul-20 16:11:50

Interestingly my son and DIL. Who are very relaxed easygoing parents are into reasonably early potty training. GD out of nappies at about 2 1/2. GS dry at 2.
Other DS and wife left it until late following some book they’d read.....had a hell of a time with their first boy !

V3ra Sun 05-Jul-20 16:14:39

Unless you're involved in childcare for your grandson it's not worth saying any more.
You'll only irritate her.