Potty training

Hithere I did not think that many mums used the cotton diapers these days. (Given you use the word diapers and also mom) I am guessing that you are American or Canadian.
Right at the beginning of this thread I did actually say that 3 years old is good to get the child into underwear and out of nappies, I agree that 2 years old is still young.
My daughter did not have the childrens father living in the house so she was the one in charge of taking full responsibility to potty train.

I never tell my daughter how to parent my grand-children and only if she asks my advice about how to do something do I tell her. I have found that my son will tell his sister that she is not correctly bathing/ washing the children as she should and she does get angry with him. It was hard work using terry nappies but worthwhile and never did I have problems with nappy rash.

Eazybee; I suppose that nursery staff have to play a part in toilet training as many mothers have not carried out the essential task in the home. I have also said further up the thread that my own grand-son now aged 38 months old is still wearing nappies. I have tried to discuss this with my daughter but she says the nursery can do it. I do not blame the nursery staff being resentful about that as the training should be implemented in the home after all it is not rocket science to train your child to use the potty/bathroom correctly.

I am not sure but is toilet training part of the job role of nursery staff?
It is now. When a child's nappy is changed two members of staff have to be present, following the child abuse cases some years ago.
In schools TAs have to do it, and they resent it, as they are timetabled as closely as the teachers; also many older schools do not have suitable facilities for privacy while washing and cleaning children.

These modern days

Between the lack of coffee and autocorrect on my cell.... sigh

3nanny6

Plenty of moms now use cloth diapers in this modern days (raise hand).
My dd1 still potty trained at 3 years old. Pediatrician said it was ok and normal for that phase and 2 years old is the exception and very early, not the rule

Obsolete ideas: what did your grandma or great grandma used to do that you didnt even consider to do yourself?

The mother of the child is not the only one who has input on the child's parenting.
Tbe father also has a voice, and if he doesnt push potty training, he is as "guilty" as the mother.

General question to grandmas: i get the impression that some grandmas are annoyed that their grandkids are not raised the same way grandmas raised their kids (the parents of the grandkids ) and grandkids do not fulfill milestones in am unrealistic manner.
Why is that? This is not a competition between generation and child rearing practices.

Silverlining48 ; that is the point, 40 years ago and being a first time mum aged 18, I had about 45 terry nappies always had a box of nappy liners as they helped a bit with any stains and the good old plastic knickers. The bucket was for anything a bit more soiled give them a bit of a soak and into the washing machine. Perhaps that's why we started to potty train them early and got them out of nappies. Still our ideas are obsolete these days with all the Pampers and different brands you can buy I suppose some of the mums do not see the need to rush to the potty training.

There is little point comparing when children were potty trained 40 or so years ago. Things were different then, we just had a towelling nappy and plastic pants and a smelly bucket and wooden spoon in the corner of the kitchen.
If things were the same today children would still be dry at 2.

3nanny6

I thought this site was a place for freedom of speech, and not a place where we think something but do not voice our thoughts.
The original poster asked what would be the best thing to do as DIL does not seem to be bothered about any potty training, and had even answered back it's okay they will take them in nappies.

Because the original poster is taking an interest in her GC she should not have to walk on egg-shells just in case her son and DIL may not like things she says. I am not saying she should be overbearing but it is okay to voice your opinions.
I like the opinions of other grans on this site and many of them have already said on this thread that their own children were out of nappies before the age of three and generally which would be the case the childs health visitor would also be expecting to see the child developing in the correct way and that no doubt would be an understanding of the parent that the child should be achieving some standard in toileting. That is my freedom of speech of which I feel I am entitled to have on this site.

By all means, post your opinion here

But OP asked for advice.

Most of it says to do nothing. Just because that’s not your advice doesn’t mean anyone is telling you not to post

3nanny6
I agree with the freedom of speech, which means other posters may not agree with your post and post as well with their own point of view

I thought this site was a place for freedom of speech, and not a place where we think something but do not voice our thoughts.
The original poster asked what would be the best thing to do as DIL does not seem to be bothered about any potty training, and had even answered back it's okay they will take them in nappies.

Because the original poster is taking an interest in her GC she should not have to walk on egg-shells just in case her son and DIL may not like things she says. I am not saying she should be overbearing but it is okay to voice your opinions.
I like the opinions of other grans on this site and many of them have already said on this thread that their own children were out of nappies before the age of three and generally which would be the case the childs health visitor would also be expecting to see the child developing in the correct way and that no doubt would be an understanding of the parent that the child should be achieving some standard in toileting. That is my freedom of speech of which I feel I am entitled to have on this site.

I am glad you were lucky with that MarieEliza.

All my three were trained at 2, no problems at all.

It is the parents' decision - no-one else's.

The OP asked what she should do and the answer is nothing at all - especially if she wants to have a continuing relationship with her son, DIL and GC.

Sometimes it is better to keep quiet.

The child will not be in nappies for ever - that is not going to happen. Many children nowadays are potty-trained later than was the fashion when we were young, or young parents; but they do not finish up taking their GCSEs in nappies - fear not.

What is at stake here is not the child's well-being - he will be fine. It is the OP's future relationship with her DIL, son and GC that is in jeopardy if she interferes.

It matters not at all whether the grandparents, or indeed anyone else, disagree. The decision rests with the parents.

I am sure there are many grans on this site who will tell you that they have learned to zip the lip!

Not trying to offend anyone but noticed wording like grossly unsubtle things like buying a musical potty or a childs book on the subject. Why indeed would that make a D.I.L seeth? It is in the childs interests to begin some introduction to the learning aspect that they do not wear a nappy for ever.
The child is the one that has to learn these things, or is it best to leave the job up to nursery staff to accomplish it? I am not sure but is toilet training part of the job role of nursery staff? I would have thought the training is best to start in the home.

By the way, please do not do any grossly unsubtle things like buying a musical potty or a child's book on the subject. These will only make you DIL seethe and feel she has to keep you at arm's length, which is not at all what you want.

You have to play the long game here.

Joolz22 - I would keep right out of this one if I were you, especially as it is a DIL you are describing as lazy.

Your opinion is an irrelevance I am afraid. You need to bite the bullet on that!

Also children years ago did not like the soggy terry nappies (which must have been uncomfortable )let alone smelly .The children in disposables are too comfy so no incentive to be potty trained till later .They’ve employed a nursery nurse at a primary school in the Midlands to change disposable nappies as so many Chou are in them

silverlining48

Elaine I think its a general discussion about how things have changed re potty training.
No one is being 'horrible' about daughter in laws. I dont have a dil though was one, but I have to be very careful suggesting anything to my daughter. Its never received well. So to the OP its a no win situation.

Calling the DILs lazy and implying that they don’t do enough, while implying they are ruining the grandchildren isn’t being horrible??

I’d certainly be offended if my MIL had talked about me like that.

This conversation might be about potty training, but the main focus is putting down lazy mothers and how they did it better

My DS is 7. I tried toilet training him at 2. (Does anyone still call it potty training?) I tried at 3. At 4 he was mostly dry during the day, but still in pull-ups at night. At 7 we still occasionally get accidents. (For the record, DS was born preterm, with IUGR. There have been several physical delays. (No cognitive ones, though) He always catches up eventually. )

If my MIL had said I was being lazy, there would have been fireworks for sure.

Make very sure you know what's going on before you start blaming people. Maybe there is an issue she has chosen not to share with you. Even if there isn't, it still isn't your business. It's definitely considered normal these days to wait until a child is 3 before toilet training.

My son wanted to "stand up like daddy" so we got him a step ,nowadays you can buy little urinal shaped potties to hang on your bathroom wall for boys .Copying daddy was so important to my boy it might be all it takes for your GS

presumably your son is the child's father is he lazy too ?

Remember my older aunt seeing my son still in nappies at two plus. Saying why? So sorted it through day. Still had on at night. Had read baby book advice Penelope leach. Telling me wait for them to be dry. Me working night shifts. Husband just went meh and removed. He was fine!

I left potties all around the house and my daughter was trained very early. She started bedwetting around 4 and health visitor told me it was probably because I had rushed her too early!
You cant win. I would let DIL make her own decisions

Perhaps buy your grandson a picture book on potty training. I bought my granddaughter one that said about babies wearing nappies but big girls don't. It also had a button that made the noise of a toilet flushing which she found really amusing.
She was just starting to get potty trained before the lockdown she's fully dry now.
Other than that I'd bite my lip. She's his mum and will do what she thinks fit so best not to interfere

Also, twenty plus years ago , we were told that no child goes to school in nappies. It seems that these days far too many of them do.

My children were born in the 1990s. At that time girls were generally clean and dry in the day around their second birthday and boys around 2 1/2. My younger son and daughter confirmed to this. My oldest son is autistic (although we didn't realise it at the time) and was dry day night just before his third birthday. I was horrified at the time thinking he was terribly late. Compared with previous generations ours were late. I have been told there is a window of opportunity for readiness, too. I am afraid l also think that leaving toilet training to three four or even older is sheer laziness unless, as with my older son, they have a disability. It is surely wrong to leave it to leave it to others to do your job, too.