Potty training

OP I think it’s unimportant compared to other potential effects on his development. If your daughter in law was so lazy she couldn’t be bothered with him, put him in front of the TV all day and didn’t engage with him I’d be far more worried than if she left his potty training late.

Kids of three and four in nappies!!!! LANDFILL people. It’s not telaxed...it’s idleness!

Don’t get involved - it will cause friction between you both. It’s not worth the aggro and you’ve got to get along with DIL and not risk falling out. Ps she does sound lazy!!

My grand-son is three and still wears nappies. I mentioned this to my daughter once or twice and even bought a musical potty for him to sit on. Daughter banished that to the back of cupboard. He will go to nursery in September and my daughter said they are good with the children they will soon help him.
The two older children started nursery before they were three and were almost out of wearing nappies, so at nursery they learnt quickly and soon started wearing knickers.
I know my daughter doesn't want me to interfere in how she sees fit to parent so I leave her to it. My three were all out of nappies by the time they were three. My son took a bit longer to be dry at nights he was getting on for four.
The mothers do things different these days.

Yes, I remember those horrible plastic pants over the terry nappies.

It makes me cringe to think how late children are being potty trained now, but then I look back and remember my son was 12 before he was reliably dry at night, and he didn't care at all!

My gs was certainly dry and in pants by the time he started nursery school at 3. However he had several accidents in the first couple of weeks and a note came home from nursery informing us that if the accidents continued he would forfeit his place. Luckily he got over his nervousness about using the strange toilet and all was well. This is a state nursery attached to the local primary school.

I use cloth diapers and some of my friend's kids got potty trained 6 months earlier than my daughter.

There are more factors than the diapers

Why is it several decades ago, longer in fact, children were toilet trained about 2 years old. Now it seems about 4 if nit older. Nevermind the night time training. Acknowledging some children are behind others on the task it now seems the norm is later the better and very unusual (must have been pressured) if before 4 years old. Someone once told me widespread use of disposable nappies helps keep a child comfortable where as before the terry nappies when wet or soiled were very cumbersome and uncomfortable hastening the want to be "big" and wear pants. May be something in the theory.

My GS was the same. But when he went to pre-school he realised the other kids weren't in nappies and demanded big boy pants. Just like that! Don't stress about it, things are different these days and we just have to go along with it for the sake of harmony.

Don't disposable nappies have a lining that always feels dry? If the child doesn't feel uncomfortably wet, why would they bother to become potty trained?

tattygran14, you are quite right and nowadays they advise that if you are getting the signs that potty training is imminent, they recommend you put a pair of pants on under the nappy so the child can feel the dampness.

Kids will be ready to potty train when they decide to.
I tried at 2.5 y.o. and it was a disaster.
At 3, my dd woke up and decided no more diapers. Done in 1 day.

This is not about diapers. It is way beyond that.

It is about your opinion of dil being lazy - you show no respect for her and he parenting
AND
The father of the kids-YOUR SON- is not mentioned at all - very role oriented backward thinking.

Back off. You are not the parent. You have 0 input in how your gc is raised. You had your turn when your son was a child.

You have no call on this matter and you are over worrying about something that is not important at all.

Get a hobby. Mention this to your dil, tell her what you think of her and it will damage your relationship

Young mums rely on advice from the HV a lot these days, rather than their own DM or DMiL, who know nothing. My DGC was part-trained from 2 yrs but just couldn't be bothered - lots more interesting things to do! - so went to nursery in nappies. At 3 1/2 yrs, I guess felt different from little friends, decided to give up nappies and use the toilet. All very relaxed and much more so than the constant trekking to the potty/toilet with younger ones. I have to be honest, I didn't approve at the time but it worked out fine. I'm learning to keep quiet!

It’s their child, their decisions.

I agree with parents being less motivated to begin potty training now. The friend I mentioned earlier had a daughter who wasn’t out of nappies until almost 5. The daughter was traumatized by being laughed at by other children at school for being a baby for wearing nappies so late. That friend is being more proactive with her son now, at 3, beginning potty training

I would say that unless there is a physiological reason, leaving a child in nappies at almost 5 is bordering on abuse. Totally different if there is a physical reason of course.

Whether it is you DiL or your daughter (or Son/SiL) the rules are, they're their children - their rules. Step over this line and you might get your fingers burned. It is very frustrating at times when you think that your advice might make life easier for them but never give it voluntarily - wait until you are asked.

Don't disposable nappies have a lining that always feels dry? If the child doesn't feel uncomfortably wet, why would they bother to become potty trained?

Nowadays there is more emphasis on recognising the signs of when a child is ready for potty changing rather than using age as the guide. Many people start when their children are younger and find they fail or regress. This makes children and parents nervous of trying again.
There is a lot of fear about letting a child run around naked which also stops people trying. Lots of parents work really long hours and find it difficult to maintain a steady regime. This lockdown has been the best thing for my grandson who is 4 and been allowed to run free without pants in order to start the training process. As he is ASD, we were advised to go with the flow as any resistance from him could lead to a life long problem.
Personally, I potty trained early but I think what my children choose to do with their children is their business.

Nurseries are no longer allowed to discriminate in any way, so a small child wearing nappies is allowed, even if not quietly disapproved of these days. Unfortunately school nurseries, such as the one I taught in for several years, really don’t have the required facilities or staff to change nappies, although they will never leave a child in a dirty nappy.
To be honest, I wouldn’t say anything joolz I would leave it to the mother to sort out potty training, unless asked for an opinion, don’t give one.

I am going to shock you all. This is not about me or my family but about my friend's children. They did not receive any potty training at all and were sent to school at 6 and 7 still wearing nappies. It took ridicule from other children to shock them into asking their parents to potty train them.

I realise I should apologise for being sexist!! It is BOTH parents responsibility to tolet train their child!

When my son was 2 we had a lovely summer. I bought a little paddling pool and potty. I let him run around in a little pair of swimming trunks. So no worries about accidents. And didnt feel any pressure. We both had a lovely week and he was totally potty trained in a week. Might be worth suggesting something like that to her.

I should stop speed reading, I thought you said your Grandson was thirty one and a half and not yet potty trained ! That made me concentrate !

think of the planet and the landfill of all those disposable nappies! It's irresponsible. It is the downside of that technology. Both mothers and babies wanted to get out of using terry-towelling nappies quick. And no, there is no point you having a go it will not help - just off load to us. You are right. they are wrong.

Is the little boy interested in being dry? My 6 year old GS was not interested in anything 'down there'. Possibly to do with Down Syndrome. While she has been working from home, my DD has worked with him and he is now very pleased with himself being 'clean' during the day. He loves the praise he gets. Nights are a different matter, but Rome was not built in a day.