Lockdown has made me realise I have absolutely no friends.

Have you tried penfriends as a starting point? A lot of people feel cut off during lockdown and old fashioned letters can be something to look forward to . Just a thought.

When the lockdown finishes your local library may have information about local groups. I run a Shared Reading every week for a small group of about 6 people. We meet every week in a local library and I read a short story to them. They have their own copies of the story and read it at the same time. It opens up so many avenues for chatting about the story and how it relates to them. And I get so much out of the group and reading the stories. This is the thing that I have missed the most during the crisis. And the group becomes friends and they even meet up at the library when I'm away for some reason so the friendship continues.
There may be something like that where you live.
I do feel for you and some of the comments have had been reeling in disbelief. Just because you have a husband and children should not mean you don't need friends. To have interests outside your home can help make you into a different person.
I wish you well (flowers)

Bluebelle that's an incredibly hurtful story about the art group. I do wonder about what art does to people as I've found people in such groups very pretentious and seemingly judgmental. I can't think of any other reason for their obvious cliqueyness.
Has anyone tried the NWR, National Women's Register? It's been recommended to me but I've never got around to trying.
I wonder if those who make friends in cafes or on dog walks either have a different definition of friendship or have some way about them that others of us lack? I do have red hair and I sometimes think that brings out prejudice in England. Who knows, off to muse about something else!

I moved here 5 years ago and one of my school friends lives just down the road.She is always busy with family etc but always wants to meet for a coffee or walk when she has time. The thing that surprises me is that she has introduced me to so many of her friends and sometimes they come for coffee too. However they don't include me in the chat and if I meet them when I am out they seem to have little idea of my name or circumstances. I find that rude as I like to remember the names of people and their families.

If only life were that simple maggie
I have a lot of friends but I have realised through the lockdown that I am the doer, I set up two messenger groups when we had lock down so we could all keep in touch and boost each other up, but what I ve realised is no ones really interested and unless I post a message no one bothers and even when I do no one asks if I m ok It’s not that they are unkind but obviously don’t need the contact, so I ve just stopped bothering, the groups are still open to contact each other, but I feel it’s all a bit trite now as they are devoid of comments unless I initiate
I have two good friends of 35+ years who do care about me so I am lucky but it’s very very hard to make genuine friends, even for younger people
Clubs, groups, u3A are in my opinion extremely difficult to penetrate they are cliquey, there’s no getting away from it
I joined an art group a year or two back and it was so bad the injokes that purposely leave you out, the remarks that make you an outsider, and the best bit was the group teacher /leader had set the desks out with names on them and the cliquey group changed all the names round so they were altogether and I was left out on an end bit, I couldn’t wait to get home.
Although I live in a good sized town there is no ‘meet up’ group and now there are no evening classes at the local college that’s where I have made some friends in the past (long time moved away)
The trouble is when you live on your own going out becomes hard and the less you go out the harder it becomes I have definitely seen my life shrink

Sorry but I think it’s sad to read ‘I was always contacting them’ and then deciding to stop (even though they had said meeting up was fun!)

Cutting of your nose to spite your face comes to mind. Why keep a tally? It’s not a competition!

Well I read this thread yesterday and thought to myself that it could have me writing the OP !
So I lifted the phone and rang a few people , one call lasted 45 minutes , so I guess I do have friends , I just had to make the first move !
Mind you , one chatted for ages , thanked me profusely for calling , said I was very kind and ended by telling me SHE would call me next time ........ in a few weeks ?

I have always said that if you don't bother contacting people why should they contact you. Friendship is a two way street, both have to give the same amount. Pluck up courage and make a few calls, you may be pleasantly surprised at the response and just take it from there.

dproff I have p.m’d you.

That’s nonsense that you think that at 57 you can’t make new friends. I’m 62 and met a wonderful friend a couple of years ago. I’ve also made friends with people who I’ve met whilst walking the dog. You just need to smile at people and maybe initiate a conversation. It might lead somewhere..,,,

Almost same with me, OP. I don't feel offended or bad though, I know those people I used to communicate quite fine with are consumed by their own problems and lives, so I'm fine with no one asking how I was. It's sad, though, if you really expected your friends to be friends and they decided not to.

bluebird243 I couldn't have put it better.

This topic really describes my situation, but I defin wldn’t have been brave enuff to post about it, so thx to Kadinsky & to all who responded! & if anyone wants to be long-distance friends w/ an ex-pat now living in the States, (that wld be me, lol!) pls pls send me a PM, b/c I feel lonely too.
Wishing all of u the best!

@Kandinsky

I'm sending you are virtual cake right now. So sorry! So many PPs have made great suggestion for putting yourself out there, so I won't...but hang in there!

I know what you mean bluebird. For some reason, people seem to feel they can confide in me and a lot of people do. It's amazing how many people want to be friends like that, but they are not really friends, they are getting something they need from it. Eventually something happens in life and you find out who your friends really are. I think most of us have very few true friends. All these friends people mention drifting off when their health declines, I just wouldn't do that. I've come to the conclusion that's actually weird of me.

Kandinsky, far better to have no real friends than rubbish (so-called) friends. Work friendships often end with a change of department or job anyway. Work can be the only thing you have in common.

I only have two close friends but that's quite enough for me. With a large family, I don't have time for more. One, I met at a playgroup 40 odd years ago. The other was a friend of a friend (who didn't keep in touch). Both are good at staying in regular contact (I tend to forget).

Join any group activity or study situation and it's easy to meet new people. I've done that in the past - but failed to follow up and cultivate friendships, as that takes some effort!

I completely understand those of us who don't have true friends around. I know how difficult it is to connect with another person. Very smug of some to think it is and to tell of numerous friends they have. Life gives us all different chances/circumstances/personalities.

I have was in U3A for a couple of years, a book club, tried churches, and a community group over the years. I found cliques, groups of people who had known each other for years with no room for outsiders...none of which were particularly friendly outside of the meeting times. I had to listen to friends/neighbours making arrangements to meet up and never was invited to join in.

The book club read books that weren't my thing at all. The community group just sat round drinking coffee for 2 hours. I'm sorry to say a lot of U3A members were stuck up, and I heard unpleasant things said about other members and saw a couple ostracised, who gave up going. It is not the be all and end all or the magic way of making close friends. Church was similar, I didn't fit...as I realised when the minister pretended he hadn't seen me in a local shop. {He had].

I am open, polite, friendly and people often gravitate towards me, strangers talk to me. I have met lovely and interesting people on bus stops, benches, on bus journeys, in a supermarket or coffee shop...had a laugh and amazing conversations....but it does not translate to being taken further.

I have one close friend who actually asks how I am. I live on my own. I'm friends with a couple who think I'm fine...'because I have [adult] children and grandchildren' ...so that means they don't bother to see if I'm ok. I'm the one who phones them, and visits them. I find couples don't think what it's like to be single and live alone. Good job I'm fine in my own company...rather no friends than inconsiderate, selfish ones.

I’ve PMd you. ?

(just realized the difference between a round and a square bracket!)

KerryS, welcome! I am relatively new here on GN myself, so far so good... (wink)

Sorry to hear about your difficulties socialising. I think it is appaling if an organisation like the WI turns cliquey and does not make new members welcome.

Presumably you and/or hubby don't want to move to somewhere a bit more lively, where you may be less dependent on a car? I moved into the centre of my small town 10 months ago, and love having everything on the doorstep; also train station 5 minutes walk, bus station 3 minutes. I do drive, but with an eye on the future and my advancing years, I love that I don't have to.

No one has dropped me off a cake, no.
I have, however, baked several, somewhat dubious cakes and dropped them off to people to people who I know, are lonely
We have had many laughs, with them politely thanking me and me responding that they can chuck them in the bin, but they were made and sent with love
Try volunteering at a foodbank, it's both humbling and inspiring
I guarantee that you would make friends there
You have my very best wishes Kad

I don't have family around, and have to accept that some friends' social lives are simply a lot busier than mine, having to keep up with and look after their own and partners families before they even think of friends. It is what it is.

Also some friends fall by the wayside because you find that you have not that much in common, once what connected you (i.e. children, work, etc.) has gone.

Get out there and try, again and again. If you have no friends to ring, it suggests the current crisis is not to blame, but just brings things into focus!

I think there are 'dating' websites for purely friendship? Maybe worth a try!

Most importantly, don't give up. You're only 57, for christ's sake, you could have another 30 years ahead of you!!!!

Kadinsky, i am in the same boat, its heartbreaking isnt it. Best wishes, M

We are living through strange times. I have lots of friends but during the lockdown we have all retreated into our own family bubbles. It is not about you but just people feeling safe in their own environment and perhaps selfishly feeling that they cannot take on anyone else's anxieties just now. Many of us are pretending to be brave but really we are terrified after Boris say many of us will lose loved ones too soon.