Is it just me?

As so many of you seem to resent your other halves, surely the best solution is to get a divorce?

We are both teachers so we are used to being at home together all the time.
It’s easy as a woman to feel responsible for their happiness but I regularly step back and remind d myself it’s not my job to make him happy- and have zero guilt when I choose to do my thing. If I didn’t take this approach I would be going mad by now!!! I also encourage him to go after his own interests as much as possible.

This is serious because if you are finding it difficult having your husbands at home during lockdown, now it the time to consider your retirement very seriously.

He will be at home ALL THE TIME ONCE HE RETIRES.

And unless you have plans for retirement, he may very well just sit in the sofa watching TV all day, leaving the housework and whatever else you have always done to you.

Discuss it now!

My husband has been using my kitchen as his office for over8 years. I have stopped cooking through lack of space. Now he does it. I suggested we sell the dining chairs and use his samples strapped together with parcel tape instead.
I hate working in the same space as him.

My husband and I have spent the majority of our married lives together on a daily basis as we worked together every day for over 25 years. Now we are happy to spend the lockdown together, we still have our own things to do, I craft, he works in his workshop, we shop together with no problems at all. He does do a couple days work every week when he feels like it but I miss him when he’s not here.
I truly feel sorry for anyone who considers their partner a chore to be around every day.

I think you better come to some arrangement over the car and sort out meetings with friends I am afraid there is a long way to go yet, months certainly. Everybody keeps saying things are back to normal in September as if it will be a magic time but I wouldn't bet on it. Make sure you retrieve your car whilst getting a good walk everyday.

Is he fed up of being with you constantly? If he is maybe you should separate.

No , I’m sad that my husband went back To work a week ago, I’m now looking forward to his retirement, we thoroughly enjoyed his time off , at least now we know not to be afraid of what retirement has to offer, okay the house was a lot more messy etc, but I decided not to let that get to me , and just enjoy having him around more.

We’ve been together 55 years, married 50 years, worked together for the 15 years leading up to retirement so very comfortable together. Life is calm and enjoyable, companionable and pleasant. It has been passionate and amazing, rocky and worrying, ups and downs, good and not so good but he’s always been kind, patient and a rock to me.
Divorce or separation should be a last resort unless of course there is violence or coercive behaviour.
There were times we have had to adjust to change and we’ve rowed and felt unhappy but we have adjusted and are so glad now as we’ve grown together and fit each other very well.

I think I've been seeing less of my husband. Normally we would have a couple of days out most weeks, but since that hasn't been possible he retires to his mancave quite a bit and I keep occupied elsewhere in the home.
If OH made off with my car though that would be grounds for divorce!!!

Hi am alongside Nannydee
Except my dh died last November
Trying not to state the obvious as no other widow or widower has posted

But my dh and I had been retired together for a good 20 years
He loved being at home I went out and about
Meeting friends
So I quite understand what you and many are experiencing as I have been one of those self isolated people
Just about getting out a bit now and meeting occasionally
Don’t see life ever being the same “normal” again we have to adapt
I am screaming against having to wear a mask if I go into a shop
God bless us all

Hmmm! Yes he can drive me round the bend! My time to myself is when he takes dog for a walk or when the weather is good and he tackles the garden - after 50 years together it's a bit late to change!!

Four months and he’s driving you mad. Mine has been at home, sitting watching tv for 24 years..... half our martiage...I only keep from being suicidal by drinking!!

My husband and I survived lockdown in New Zealand. I was getting sick of him during so I volunteered him to do overnight deliveries with our son. 24 hours of bliss even though I couldn't go anywhere. What you are going through is a taste of retirement to come haha

wish my husband was still here to be with

I love having him at home, we just get on so well together. We both just potter around and go out together on cycle rides or a picnic. We share the same interests and both love books so it has worked well. Also he is younger than me and makes me feel young.
I don't think we will return to a normal until at least next year as we have the winter to get through first. Best start to find other stuff to do, maybe an online group yoga or something.

If he has taken HIS car off the road why are you without a car?

Well, I never thought I would do this because I hate whataboutism but I lost my DH in March, days before lockdown started. I also have health problems which meant I had shield so I have been totally alone since the funeral at the end of March.

DH had MND and was completely helpless by the time of his death and he would have HATED all that is happening. Like many who contract this awful disease, he had previously enjoyed the most robust good health and he loved to be out and about. The lack of control was already the thing he felt the most, so in a way I am glad he died when he did. But I cannot stress enough how crushed and helpless I feel now that our joint expectations of our future have been snatched away in a way we could never have foreseen.

OP remember we are living in strange times. Presumably on actual retirement you could arrange your lives to suit your new circumstances. I certainly would not make any hasty decisions about your marriage at the moment.

To close on another cliche 'Tomorrow is promised to no one'. My DH had great plans for his retirement years. He was not quite 60 when he died.

Nanny Dee, my thoughts are with you

Basically not just you are all. Frankly we are fed up of each other. I’m in the rut of three square meals and a bit of mooching around and he is itching to start the gym and work etc. We had a talk and now have time out hours where he keeps to himself and so do I. I’m keeping hopeful and grateful for many many things and hope our mutual frustrations will pass. I’m even getting on my own nerves too. ?

Noreen3 I wish the same I lost my lovely man 7mths ago and have had to deal with bereavement and then straight into lockdown it has been the worst time of my life I feel for you

Not at all in fact my husband's just gone back after furlough and I miss him very much. We had three months together a really good time.

Oh, and sort your car out!!
Why on earth have you allowed him to do this? Also, I read what you said about his vehicle to mean it is still on your property but not used. Surely that is not good even for a modern car?

Mine retired several years ago, so I've put up with it for ages, got myself a parttime job to get out of the house

I went down to four days a week working just before lockdown in the hope that hubby and I could get away for some long weekends together. Great timing NOT!

Normally he works from home and I go out to work but get two evenings to myself for swimming and meeting friends etc whilst he is out doing other activities. Being forced to be together full time after 30 years of marriage has been tricky but we try to give each other space and take turns with cooking. It isn’t easy and I am really looking forward to getting out and about again with care! But he is currently refusing to meet up with anyone or go anywhere and, after 4 months of this, it is starting to affect me!

Wish my husband was here to get annoyed at, 13 years this week since he passed away suddenly at the age of 55, didn't even get to experience what it was like to be retired and at home all the time.

Cliché but my thoughts are with those who no longer have their partner to share this difficult and frightening time. ?