Cooking bloopers you have made

I had a vile cooking mishap a few weeks ago.

My GS won't eat anything that looks like a vegetable, is a vegetarian AND is allergic to tomatoes. He does like pasta though so I decided to try to make a lasagne with a mushroom based sauce, instead of tomatoes. I had to blend the cooked mushrooms because otherwise he wouldn't eat them.

It looked vile. I tasted a tiny bit to check it tasted as disgusting as it looked. It did. Urgh.

I don’t think I’ve ever cooked ‘bloopers’.
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When newly married I bought some Conga Eel steaks which looked a bit like cod cutlets. I cooked them for a short time, after which they were like rubber and smelled disgusting. I then decided to cook them in liquid slowly for a long time, after which they became more and more smelly and tough. They went in the bin!

The first time I bought brussels sprouts for the two of us from the greengrocer, I asked for something like 2lb and they filled my shopping bag! I was too embarrassed to change my mind about the quantity, Did something similar with beef mince too.

Urstongran bloopers are best flash fried very briefly after dusting with seasoned flour.
You can then eat them with salad veg or sole your clogs with them.

Really Urmston? .. I like them served jellied with eels and liquor.
Or fricassee of bloopers with tripe ... mmm ?
(I never flash fry them Ann)

Framilode

Lucca this driving me mad and I am no nearer.

She wrote the books!

Or maybe boiled bloopers with chips & vinegar?
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Back when we thought Viennetta was a sophisticated dessert, I bought one for guests and made a chocolate sauce from a recipe I found. All I had to do was melt Mars Bars. Easy.

Well I served it to the table and we all chewed on it like a dog with a bone. When the warm ‘sauce’ hit the ice cream it had gone solid - more solid than it started out - and it just couldn’t be chewed.
We laughed a lot, threw it away and my friends have reminded me of it many times since.

When I was first married, I made a chocolate cake, but I hadn't got a cake tin, so I used an earthenware dish. It was still raw at the end of the baking time, so I put it in the oven for longer. It took hours and then it was like a brick! I put it in the garden for the birds. After three days it was still the same size, so I eventually had to throw it in the bin.

The first time I cooked what I thought was 2 portions of rice I used 3 saucepans. It swelled up and filled the first pot and I quickly transferred it to the next size pot which threatened to spill over and I moved it to a third( unfortunately I carried out the manoeuvre over the cooker instead of the sink) I often think of it when I read my GC the Magic Porridge Pot story.

By the time I was finished I had 3 dirty pots. a mountain of overcooked rice and a very messy hob.

Now after reliving that trauma from 40 years ago I find out that Viennetta is no longer a sophisticated dessert!

Puzzler61 what have you done to me??

Ha ha ha Grannynannyw Can just imagine you with the pots of rice swelling up all over the hob! ??

Sorry about the Viennetta ?

The rice story reminded me of the first time I made dumplings. The recipe said divide into four portions, but there didn’t look to be a lot so I just put it in in one piece. Twenty minutes later the dumpling was puthering over the side of the saucepan with the lid sitting on the top! I’ve never seen my children laugh so much!

Lucca Would that be Bristol University? Mmm

Let’s just say that my dad said I can burn a salad. ?

Some years ago we had friends visiting, it was a Sunday and I was cooking a traditional roast beef lunch. Friends arrived, the meat was in the oven, the vegetables all prepared and the Yorkshire pudding batter ready.

We had an hour, so we took our friends along to a rather nice pub/restaurant for a glass of wine. A most convivial hour passed by. When we returned, there was, coming from the kitchen, a strong smell of beef. Strange, I know that I didn't leave the heat on high.

On opening the oven door I saw that I had forgotten to close the tinfoil over the top of the beef, it had shrunk to the size of a chop. Vegetarian, anyone?

A phone call to the same pub, can you help? I explained our predicament, they came to our rescue, a little late but none the less we had our roast beef lunch. But every time from then on that we ate at that pub, someone would invariably say: "Hello, have you burned the beef again?"

Aldom

Lucca Would that be Bristol University? Mmm

Hmm !! Yes

Lucca In that case I have spent many a happy hour reading to my granddaughter, courtesy of your friend!!

My best was an apple and mincemeat pie, made from scratch shortly after Christmas when we had guests.
When I took it out of the oven the whole thing somehow slid off the pie plate - straight into our dog’s bed, where it mingled with bits of Bonio and plenty of dog hair.
I honestly wasn’t even particularly pissed!

I once left stuffed courgettes in the oven (switched off) and went on holiday for two weeks. They were fluffy when I returned.

Witzend did the bonio and dog hairs affect the flavour of the pie or were you able to disguise it with custard?? ?

Kiwigramz My mum did the same thing a few times at Christmas.

I've sometimes put something in the oven, gone upstairs to do a job like sorting out some washing, got side-tracked, then forgotten about the dinner until I've smelled it burning.

Love that story Spangler bet the pub locals ribbed you for ages!
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Found this earlier www.facebook.com/100002931451189/videos/3197989003642117/ So funny

Lucca I thought the same as another poster, that the person had a wart.
Of course, I should have known who your friend is, he's sitting on a bookcase upstairs . I think tea would add a certain something to the dish!

Talking of tea bags, there is an advert on TV for a new invention - coffee bags. Why did no-one think of them before is the question.
Well, I remember buying coffee bags in the 1960s. Does anyone else remember them? They're not a new invention.

Nothing major really but we had family to lunch this week. I made a chilli con carne the day before and just reheated it on the day and served with freshly cooked rice. All enjoyed. The following day we finished off the leftovers and I suddenly realised that I had forgotten to add the tinned kidney beans. I did message family to apologise but no one noticed. Ashamed to say this is not the first time I have forgotten.