Cooking bloopers you have made

Our home made cheese fondue, using a recipe that had camembert cheese and 2 other types of cheese. ???

Hubby and I discovered we had no cheap white plonk so used cheap red plonk. Then the fungus around the camembert didn't melt (camembert is a bit like brie cheese ~ soft goey consistency so we didn't take the fungus off). It looked awful.

We hand whisked the blazes out of it, which helped somewhat. (Electric mixer is somewhere in the bowels of a moving box)

Not to loose heart we carried on, got the mixture to thicken up and tried it with bread. Despite looking revolting, it tasted delicious!

Tried to make Welsh cakes. During the frying process I overcooked the outside but the insides were still raw. Not to waste the rest of the mixture, I baked them in the oven and cremated them in the process. I'm not used to cooking with gas...

I've never discovered why a Victoria sponge sandwich turned out like two pancakes stuck together.

I decided to make fudge and it turned to toffee. I'd forgotten to add the condensed milk....

A little girl I look after is going to be in the "Donaldson" group when she starts reception in September ?

We've been watching the films of her books on Amazon Prime recently, though one little boy requests the "Room on the Broom" then promptly runs into the kitchen and watches it round the corner from behind the fridge ??

In my teens I made Melting Moments with salt instead of sugar. Mum put them out for the birds but even they wouldn't eat them!
However my worst blooper was cooking a pizza with a polystyrene circle still on the bottom. It melted and stank the place out, ruined the bottom of the oven and the pizza tasted dreadful. It was a brand of pizza I had bought before and it hadn't been on a circle previously. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Lucca JD is my favourite children’s author. I love reading her books to my 4 GC. I think we’ve got most of them

Grammaretto

I thought I had guessed her Lucca but no. Unless it's Delia.
Could have done with having her around.

We had regular dinner parties with our neighbours and it was my turn so I decided to try something new for pudding.
Steamed lemon mousse in a jelly mould ( though I have tried to erase the memory)

When it came to serving it was a shrunken rubbery thing about the size of half a cricket ball. I was mortified.
One neighbour, who was an excellent cook, asked me if I had anything in reserve!!
Apparently she always had something to serve instead.
You live and learn,

She wrote the gruffalo books. Julia Donaldson.

Callistemon. Yes, I do know about the eggs. I never knew that six eggs could turn into sixteen, when exploded! We were cleaning up for ever!
I now have a little clockwork timer, which I set and carry around in my pocket. That way there are no more exploded eggs or burned saucepans.
One of my friends got up very early, one morning, and decided to cook a chicken before going to work. She popped it in the oven, showered, dressed, and headed out. It was only when she was returning home that she suddenly remembered that she hadn’t taken the chicken out. Amazingly, the house hadn’t burned down, but the bird was just a very small cinder.

I thought I had guessed her Lucca but no. Unless it's Delia.
Could have done with having her around.

We had regular dinner parties with our neighbours and it was my turn so I decided to try something new for pudding.
Steamed lemon mousse in a jelly mould ( though I have tried to erase the memory)

When it came to serving it was a shrunken rubbery thing about the size of half a cricket ball. I was mortified.
One neighbour, who was an excellent cook, asked me if I had anything in reserve!!
Apparently she always had something to serve instead.
You live and learn,

I thought I was being clever when I made a golden syrup cake and put in about 3 times as much syrup as recommended. The cake, of course, ended up completely flat.

mancgirl

Was just posting to say, I've got it! Duh?

Yay! She was always very interesting and creative and she is still the most unassuming lady, very kind and funny.
Sorry this has nothing to do with cooking bloopers. Shall be in trouble again.

My stepdad had some really funny ideas and one of the things he was convinced about was that you shouldn't cook anything from frozen. I came home from school to find cooking oil everywhere. Apparently he had defrosted the chips and then dumped them in the oil. All the water had made the oil boil everywhere and there was this horrid mass in the middle of the pan.
He also decided that my Mum made the gravy and potato on shepherds pie so we had every spatula we owned trying to hold the potato afloat when he made the dinner.
His final mishap was when he'd heard the remedy for goldfish if they were floating on their sides was an alka seltzer. With great aplomb he added the fish to a fizzing glass whereupon it promptly dropped dead. Apparently, Andrews Liver Salts are the requirement...the fish obviously did not have a hangover.

Its the kind of thing DH would say and be bewildered, thinking it was a compliment ?

Was just posting to say, I've got it! Duh?

Terrible claws......poisonous wart....

Lucca, there's no such thing as a Gruffalo!

My autistic grandson who is very late talking can sing along with The Gruffalo which is thrilling for us to hear.

Callistemon the poor man genuinely had no idea why I was offended ?

Right. If it's not the nanny with one tooth and a wart, I give up! Too many cooking disasters here. Think Wendy Craig in Butterflies ?

Yes, and for a while in the 1980s you could get coffee bags inside a plastic filter that fitted onto a cup and you poured hot water through it to make a cup of coffee.

The were a life-saver when in theatrical digs.

It's not funny but I laughed at your DH's remark about the soup ? V3ra

In the early days of our marriage I once spent a whole afternoon making cream of chicken soup from scratch.
My husband ate it and said yes it was lovely, just like the real thing out of a tin ?
He then told me he'd been made redundant and lost his job.
Not one of my best days ☹️

I've put eggs on to hard boil to make sandwiches and forgotten them.
Did you know they explode into small pieces and fly through the air?

Nannan2, think of owl ice-cream.

As newlyweds my husband and I decided to have a go at making soup. Smelt good..... looked ok but was decidedly runny. My husband said he seemed to remember his Mum using semolina to thicken. We stirred a little in.....nothing. A little more.... aw, let's put the whole pack in. Half an hour later we had to use a large knife to cut it out of the pot. My husband decided he wasn't going to waste it so... fried a portion. I ask you?!! I abstained. Life's little tapestry nonetheless......

My Nan always used to make apple pie with just a pastry top ( no base) and used a china egg cup to keep the pastry up in the oven. My Mum thought she'd so the same just after she got married but didn't think it through and used a PLASTIC egg cup. It made a real mess evidently and my mum has never been allowed to forget it!