Cooking bloopers you have made

Not me, but my DH, back when we were young and poor, he decided to treat me and make a lovely dinner. I came home to a “pasta surprise” he’d whacked dried pasta in a casserole with mustard, mayonnaise and some sort of sausage type substance and then basked in the oven for over an hour. The result was a brick, a ton of soup for dinner and a smelly oven for me to clean!! I was young and in love, so it was definitely the thought that counted!

When we were first together, some 40+ years ago, my partner invited me round to his place for supper.

He had made ‘toad in the hole’! He had never even made a Yorkshire pudding before! It was virtually inedible.
I think I managed to politely eat a couple of mouthfuls.

However, our relationship survived.

I do most of the cooking in our household and have never made toad in the hole, since. I think he put both of us off it, for life.

I remember a university friend(now extremely famous) putting a tea bag in the boeuf bourgignon instead of bouquet garni - oh how sophisticated we thought we were!

Lucca that made me laugh.
(it also made me wish I knew who your friend was!)
?

We had invited some American friends round for an English roast when we lived abroad. The oven had a drop down door . I rested my Yorkshire pudding , in its Pyrex dish, briefly on the door. It cracked very dramatically and I ended up with speedy cooked batter all over the oven.

Quite spectacular. We had to scrape it off to continue roasting the best and potatoes.

Too many to recount on here. When I was first married I cooked pork chops, my husband cut into his and it bled to death on the plate, these were the days when pork had to be well cooked.

Mine isn't an actual cooking blooper but when I cleaned out my latte maker. I had the instructions sent to me by email but made the classic mistake of not reading to the actual end.
I did all it said and cleaned all the parts of it, put the cleaning stuff into the reservoir and sent it through the machine. Brilliant, so I made myself a latte - it was disgusting and I had about 3 mouthfuls and then rechecked the instructions and saw that I should have sent clean water through the machine 4 times. I hadn't even done that once so my lovely latte was flavoured with cleaning products. I could have seriously poisoned myself. A mistake I will never make again.

Kiwigramz your story about the turkey reminded me of what happened to my friend during her first Christmas of married life.

Husband’s parents sent them a turkey. On Christmas morning she put the bird in the oven without stuffing as she didn’t know how to make it.

2 hours later there was an almighty bang that blew off the oven door. Her Fil had put a half bottle of whisky in the turkey cavity as a surprise!

I have awful memories of a chilli con carne I made for fourteen guests when I was newly married. I had made it successfully before, but this time I used a different brand of chilli powder and it turned out unbelievably hot. It was inedible really, but my female guests, sympathetic to my inexperience, nobly ate some, with copious drinks of water. The men gave up straight away! Everyone was very nice about it, but the memory hasn’t ever left me. It was over 50 years ago.

Not long after DH and I first got together it seemed like a good idea to make some soup. The difficulty being that the recipe was for around six or eight servings so all the ingredients had to be divided into the correct amount for just the two of us.

It started off all right with the first few items but then we forgot about this maths business so we ended up with what we for ever after referred to as 'solid soup'. It was a while before we attempted this again. But we laughed.

Nortsat

Lucca that made me laugh.
(it also made me wish I knew who your friend was!)
?

Terrible claws......poisonous wart....

In the early days of our marriage, DH bought me a pressure cooker as it was considered one of the things to have (so he said) in your cooking armoury! I cooked a stew in it, but being in a hurry, took the pressure valve off before I should have and ended up with a geyser of gravy, some of which stuck to the ceiling!
Then there was the time I ordered some fresh prawns from the fishmonger and sent them back because they were grey and I wanted pink ones! He said “they’re all grey until you cook them!” ?What??

Lucca I have got it

I used to cook semi-professionally for rich old dears in Westminster and Kensington/Chelsea.
One week I had a new customer who wanted a Hungarian Goulash.
Perhaps my accidental use of Cayenne Pepper instead of Paprika in a moment of shortsightedness accounts for her never ordering from me again ???

My worst is now family history. When my children were about 7 and 9, I made a home made apple crumble with custard, which they were looking forward to. I have never been a great cook, but OK on normal things.

Anyway I dished it up and they started eating before me. They both put their spoons down and said it was horrible, they didn't like it. I was quite annoyed having made the effort.

Until OH and I tasted it too. Absolutely disgusting, we realised I had made it with salt not sugar!!!

Oh Lucca, I still haven’t got it.
I googled your clue and came up with the Gruffalo, whom I don’t think you went to University with.

I’ll trade you - there was a Count Von Bismarck on one of my courses ... but he was not the one who unified Germany ...

Nortsat

Oh Lucca, I still haven’t got it.
I googled your clue and came up with the Gruffalo, whom I don’t think you went to University with.

I’ll trade you - there was a Count Von Bismarck on one of my courses ... but he was not the one who unified Germany ...

Down to earth might help you....

Lucca this driving me mad and I am no nearer.

Should say this is driving me mad, and it is.

Lucca

I remember a university friend(now extremely famous) putting a tea bag in the boeuf bourgignon instead of bouquet garni - oh how sophisticated we thought we were!

Oh go on, don't be a spoil sport, tell us

When we were first married I tried to make gravy by mixing SR flour and Bisto powder into hot water.

My disasters are too many to mention, including the polythene bag in the turkey, banana cakes like lead, disintegrated gammon done in the slow cooker.
(Where's phoenix?)
The gluten free pastry, so hard it was impossible to cut, nearly decapitated a pigeon when I threw it into the garden.

MawB

I used to cook semi-professionally for rich old dears in Westminster and Kensington/Chelsea.
One week I had a new customer who wanted a Hungarian Goulash.
Perhaps my accidental use of Cayenne Pepper instead of Paprika in a moment of shortsightedness accounts for her never ordering from me again ???

Oh dear!
That is my SIL's speciality, he makes a mean goulash.

So happy to know I'm not the only one. The 'couscous' made with oatmeal comes to mind. There was also, long ago, an episode when I took the valve off the pressure cooker before it de-pressurised and the ceiling was covered in tomato soup. Luckily we had our tallest friend staying with us that weekend.

My cooking is erratic, but my children learned to deal with it.

We were visiting a relative who offered them a slice of sponge cake.

I'm afraid they responded with "Can we see it first".

I'm afraid they responded with "Can we see it first".

???