Birthday gift

I’ve done this many times - a book by Dale Carnegie called “How to make friends and influence people” . It’s quite famous and also an interesting read but of course the title implies she needs help.

Is this serious? There are some amusing suggestions here, but
it seems a bit of a shame to for her 70th.
Perhaps get her something acceptable for this milestone birthday, but make it the last one.
vissos suggestion of inviting her to afternoon tea is a lovely and generous idea. I’d love it if someone did that for me.

As an add on to the person who suggested buying an animal sponsorship, I believe you can through many charities . Buy her a goat !

I did that once for a relative - after several years of birthday and Christmas presents that looked as if they were ones that they had recycled, I knew that she positively hated dark chocolate. Made up a hamper of all different bars of dark chocolate (with chilli, orange, rum etc) put it all in a nice basket that I had laying around, cellophane, tissue paper, ribbon, the lot and sent it over with another relative that was taking presents.
The next day I had a really excited phone call from the recipient saying how much she loved it as her GP had told her that if she was going to eat chocolate, dark was better for her than milk , and how did I know???? Doh!!!

buy her a goat!

I only buy for 2 friends now. They both have enough 'stuff' & can afford to buy whatever they want (within reason) so I now tend to buy consumables I know they'd like. In the past I've bought monthly coffee & sweets, and boxes of brownies/cakes (freezable). This year I'm planning on tea for one, not sure of the other yet.
It is annoying when you've spent time & effort to select a gift, but as others have said, better not to waste money & send more stuff to landfill.

For my 60th, I asked for donations to charity, as I do every Christmas. I am not comfortable with the unnecessary spending on me when I have everything. I feel good that others benefit and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

I have experienced your feelings with a close relative- I chose the Oxfam gift buying some chickens for someone overseas in a deprived area - I think it got the message across whilst at the same time I didn’t feel/nobody else could say I’d done something nasty!!!

I once knew someone who sent a house brick in the post and 'forgot' to put stamps on it - obviously the recipient was desperate to know what it was so paid the excess postage! Would need to be something heavy you can pop in the postbox though!

Unfortunately I have a daughter like that.

I could never surprise her with a gift as it wouldn’t be what she wanted. And I should have asked her apparently.

It completely takes the pleasure out of giving.

Why would you stoop to such a low level? If your well intentioned gifts over the years have been unwanted and unappreciated just acknowledge her birthday with a card and good wishes. Why waste money on a tacky gift (tomorrow's rubbish and landfill) or bother with such awful behaviour? Surely you are better than that. ?

Ideal. Give her a card saying nothing pleases her, so you've got her nothing for her birthday!! She should be pleased.

Something that involves polystyrene?a tasteless bean bag...filled with it lol

I’d give her a box of fresh air!

Does she give you presents? If so you could just return her last present to you, or buy her exactly the same!

Agreed Applegran.

I think you will feel better if you give to charity in her name - a worthwhile gift and you can still be the person you want to be. Don't be drawn into being mean yourself - this is not how you want to be, or how you want to feel. She makes her choices - you don't have to let her drive your choices in a direction which would in the end not help you feel OK about yourself. If you are kind, she has nothing to react against - and possibly she will recognise and be influenced by your kindness.

I like the box of nothing idea from Ginny but not sure I'd be brave enough to do that! ?

Nasal hair waxing kit?

A gadget for removing hard skin off her feet. Or a pet mouse complete with cage. Both these things happened in our family!

Last year my sister e mailed me a catalogue, full of lovely scarves/jewellry etc. before my b'day and told me to choose what I wanted, and she'd get it for me! Actually, I was thrilled - not much effort on her behalf but it meant I got something I loved!

I like the adopt an animal idea above, especially if it's one she wouldn't be fond of. Name it after her. She would get updates from the charity too .

OR a Count Your Blessings journal. You could put the first entry - having a caring sister.

OR a DVD of The Grumpy Old Women.

Different coloured face masks.

I like Ginnys suggestion but how about adopting an animal or donating to charity in her name. Your money will be well spent and appreciated and if she doesn't like that I certainly wouldn't bother in future . This is coming from someone with a sister who is the same. I adopted a penguin at the local zoo and gave her the certificate and said that she seemed to have everything and the zoo are struggling following the pandemic. Her family thought it was great so she didn't have the nerve to complain ?

Get her something you know she will totally hate. For instance, if you know she hates spiders, get her a book about them with a big picture of one on the cover. Or if she never bakes/cooks, get her a book of complicated gourmet recipes. If she never gardens, get her a book about how to cultivate rhododendrons or grow marrows. If you really want to be insulting, a tatty second hand book. (My husband was once given 2 really tatty old paperbacks wrapped up together by a weird and unpleasant member of his family, as a gift. One of them even had writing inside it and passages underlined. And they weren't books he would have had any interest in anyway.) Or a bottle of cheap obviously mens' aftershave.