Birthday gift

I agree with Seacliff. Why not say that you're never sure what to get her, so you'd like to take her out somewhere she'd like to go. If you deliberately get something awful, you could risk spoiling the good bits of your relationship and life's too short for that!
My sister and I live a couple of hundred miles apart and agreed a few years ago to stop buying each other birthday presents as it was too tricky to know what to buy. We agreed that if we lived near each other we would probably go out for lunch around our birthdays ( 4 weeks apart) and then go shopping and each get something nice. Good luck.

My dear MIL died over 30 years ago, but she was renowned for her cutting remarks on presents she was bought in her lifetime. Buy her flowers and you got "what are those for I'm not ill", Buy her perfume and it was " do you think I smell", you get the gist. We once bought her a lovely little brass (she had brass all over the house) carriage clock, she looked at it and didn't even say thank you, just "I don't like it", at this point FIL told her to stop being so nasty and be thankful that she got presents at all !! She was an absolute nightmare to buy for, and she was such a big lady clothes were out of the question, as it would have meant asking her size.....
still I suppose it takes all sorts!!

My son bought us all an Oxfam charity gift one Christmas.
Each one came with a fridge magnet with a picture of the gift on it.
Mine was a supply of condoms... ?

I don't like to fall out with people, especially family members so how about the afternoon tea option, or a bouquet of flowers with a bottle of good wine or champagne?

I think you'd feel bad if you did any of the things suggested here. You sound like you're a nice person. Don't sink to your sister's level. Why not get a voucher for a meal out somewhere and try talking to her. You never know you both might enjoy it!

I always got awful gifts from my in-laws and moaned but it was due to my husband being clueless on what I would like .The 2sons and husband were useless at buying ladies ptesents

When I’m stuck for a gift idea I give a beautiful white orchid wound round in a circle(Tesco and M&S do nice ones). Who could dislike that?