The Old Argy Bargy Bar....a new lease of life!

New cocktails ( after extensive trials, going on until after midnight)....
Take A Pew ( and believe me, you will need to)- a heady mix of pernod, creme de menthe and Irish whiskey with blackcurrant juice and a dash of Buster-drain.
Vow Of Silence- voddy and Blue Nun with ice cubes and a slug of bleach.
Loose Morals- ( and bowels!) brandy, gin, champagne, strawberry juice and poteen.
Warning!! Do not mix cocktails, stick to one particular one all night ( I am in a terrible state after sampling them all)?

Lemon. Achilles is waiting in the cellar for your confession. He will make you say 3 'Hail Caesars' and read a chapter of 'fifty shades of puce'as punishment for watering down the poteen.
Lauranorder. You need to keep an eye on one of the Admiral's friends, a real defrocked vicar. He defrocked in front of his congregation and streaked around the church till the police arrived.
You won't be alone as Lemon has a right hook that could floor Tyson Fury and Doodle will wrestle any good looking man to the floor.

Well, one doesn’t like to boast, but ‘tis true AGA ....and I once went four rounds with Muhammad Ali ( until he gave in) what a guy!?
You may take my place in the cellar, am not up to all that reciting as my punishment....anyhoo I shall continue to water the poteen for the punters ( but not staff) which shows am not really repentant after all.

AGA I remember the defrocked vicar, not much of a congregation but he did have one large member.
I know you've marked all the good pages in Fifty Shades of Puce, both of them in fact cos I caught Doodle reading it to the Admiral whilst thumbing through his best bits.
Now I know why Chewbacca took the Vow of Silence, she's a sucker for a bit of Blue Nun and bleach.
As I already have Loose Morals Lemon I'll have to stick to Take a Pew all night that Busterdrain works wonders for my complexion and strips the hair right off the upper lip.

I have nothing to confess Lemon being pure in mind and body. Oops! my nose seems to have grown 3 inches.
I will be wearing skates under my habit so that I can glide.

LauraNorder. Never a good idea to get the Admiral excited.I don't know what Doodle was thinking. She will have trouble with him tonight.

Cor! The bar is packed to the rafters with vicars! Several nuns and more than a few tarts.?
The Admiral and the Captain are having a tussle over two tarts ( Doodle is one of them) and AGA appears to be blessing a vicar over in the corner....it looks a lot like one of the firemen we had in here last week.

Am feeling a bit wobbly....had five Loose Morals so far and the room is spinning.A hunky vicar is needed to catch me if I fall over.

Has anyone seen the llama?

I've taken the llama for a walk along the beach lemon he was as quiet as a lamb. A double Take a Pew please for me and Doodle. I'm dressed as Mother Superior ( think The Sound of Music ) and I've brought our venerable Canon, he's a big shot ?

Has anyone seen the llama she says. Huh. Of course I have seen the bl**dy llama. He is still following me around. The Admiral and I were getting on just fine. Seems he’s very partial to a bit of Bakewell Tart....unfortunately so is the llama. ?
Good night lemon . That 50 shades of puce is a good book. The Admiral and I have worked through chapters one to five. We were going to have a bash at chapter 6 but the llama decided to join in.
AGA stop gliding round singing the Sound of Music theme tune. You aren’t really a nun you know. By the way, your wimple is crooked, and who is that hiding under your skirt?

Lins thank you so much for taking the llama for a walk. No wonder he’s quiet, he’s worn out chasing me and the Admiral all night. Er... Lins, that’s a real cannon... don’t put it near the fire, Is said don’t put ☄️??

Boom boom! Lins?
I quite fancy that Canon.

Oh well, it was getting a bit warm in here. That hole in the roof will let some air in ?

Quick! Doodle help Lins get a tarp up to the loft to cover the hole.....it’s raining!!!!!!
I would help but need to run to the lavs, those cocktails you understand.I may be some time.

Get the Admiral to cover that hole Aga, lemon's otherwise engaged.
Oh well, no harm done. Remember that programme in the Seventies, it was called Cannon, we could do with him tonight to plug the hole in the roof.

Quick quick let me help you with the tarpaulin Lins, the rain is pouring in, the Vicars are stripping off to swim across the bar, Doodle is helping to get their cassocks off, the llama is only just keeping his head above water and Lemon is floating towards the canon, hope she doesn't get sucked in to it.

The hole is getting bigger, where are AGAs knickers when we need them?

Thank LauraNorder you arrived in the nick of time. Let's dry off the vicars, it's the least we can do. ?
I'll boil the kettle in the bar - more tea Vicar???

That soggy wet llama stinks, I'll take him outside and handcuff him to a lamppost

I asked him if that should be one pee or two and he just cocked his leg.

I’m back ( a bit weak about the knees) and a bit green round the gills.?
What’s going on? Ooh, trust you Doodle ....always there to get mens clothes off as quick as you can.
Man the pumps! Swab the decks!
I’ll just sit on this table until things have dried out a bit.

Am actually a bit peckish...Lins pop to the kitchen, there’s a love, and bring out the plates of nibbles.
I made all sorts of goodies earlier, and I could just eat some peanut and turnip wedges right now, yum.

lemon we had to take all their clothes off they were very wet.?. I’m just helping to rub them all down. Come on Lins lend a hand they’re all starting to shiver.
LauraNorder Keep an eye on that llama. I don’t want him to start biting the Admiral’s rear end on his way down from the roof.

After AGA's confession all the vicars are on their knees praying. *Doodle keeps moaning 'Ah men' and they keep crossing themselves.
The llama has dried out a bit and is ogling the Admiral's bottom, quick Lins give him some peanut and turnip wedges.
I'm off to the cellar for a kip, nighty night.