Uncalled for comments

Sarahmob

Well that opened a can of worms didn’t it. I apologise if I offended anyone, I wasn’t looking to be ‘goody’, ‘patronising’ or indeed ‘halo polishing’. I’ll step back now and keep my mouth firmly closed in future.

What did you think would happen though? That we would all say ‘Oh! We never thought of that! Let’s all be kind, as we’ve been a bunch of meanies up to now’?

I honestly don’t see much by way of deliberate sniping on here. Sometimes a poster will touch a nerve with another one who will react, and on the political threads there are fairly predictable differences of opinion, but in the whole people are supportive.

Chewbacca ?

Actually Woodmouse some of the most constructive comments I've ever received have been the hardest to hear.

Once at work I was trying to be diplomatic and supportive and someone said "Oh for goodness sake just say what you think. You just try to agree with everyone. What use is that!"

She was right.

To be fair Illte on closer inspection, it did look like I was flipping you off!

I agree Woodmouse and in my experience there are some who are only too aware of the negative impact their posts have, which is why they make them.

However Sarah, I agree people should avoid being nasty but a.)Disagreeing is not Necessarily nasty. And b.) The place to respond is immediately on that thread . Obviously that’s just my view.

merlotgran Agree, I have to accept GNs decisions. In my ideal world there would be only constructive criticism/feedback.

I am most definitely not saying don't reply to comments you question or disagree with.

I appreciate constructive feedback myself. It gives me food for thought but there are people who often forget the impact their negative words have and ridicule is negative.

There are threads sometimes though where the title should include “only for those who agree “.

Oh right. In that case I will have a little glow of satisfaction and not ? because you have disagreed with me?

How is that a can of worms ? People are expressing their opinions!

Which perfectly illustrates my comment @ 13.51 which said that sometimes it's difficult to establish exactly what it is that the OP is looking for when they start a thread!

Illte! It definitely means that I was agreeing with you! It was meant to be a finger pointing up towards your post!

Sarahmob

Well that opened a can of worms didn’t it. I apologise if I offended anyone, I wasn’t looking to be ‘goody’, ‘patronising’ or indeed ‘halo polishing’. I’ll step back now and keep my mouth firmly closed in future.

How is that a can of worms ? People are expressing their opinions!

If in doubt I always find keeping one’s mouth firmly closed is good in many situations. Not just on GN btw.

Actually Chewbacca I don't know what ?means. Truthfully.

I'm not sure if you were agreeing with me or flipping me off?

Well that opened a can of worms didn’t it. I apologise if I offended anyone, I wasn’t looking to be ‘goody’, ‘patronising’ or indeed ‘halo polishing’. I’ll step back now and keep my mouth firmly closed in future.

I suppose it all depends upon what a poster is looking for when they start a thread, whether it's a debate, a chat, advice or support and a friendly ear. Those who respond may not always appreciate what it is that the OP is looking for and that can lead to a mismatch of expectations.

Agree Merlot.

? Mine’s perfectly shiny merlot no polishing needed

I think that its quite telling that as a new-ish member I agree with the OP but hesitated about taking part in this thread in case someone bit my head off.....

suziewoozie

A generalised thread implying the OP is a nice kind person and others are not is not being goady??

It smacks of halo polishing to me and imploring posters to be kind is insulting. Most of us are kind and often object when a poster is 'set upon.'

If an unkind post appears to be a personal attack then it needs reporting. There doesn't need to be yet another thread started by an infrequent poster telling us how to behave.

I agree Lucca I didn’t know about the unspoken convention within Gransnet is that Gransnet is a medium for chumminess not for serious discussion of ideas.

I think it is a place for anything really that a poster wants to discuss, within guidelines of course. I have learnt a lot, and have had support from posters. I have friends in RL I don’t come on here for “chums”. It’s interesting that the posts where people start falling out seem to generate the most posts and energy ?

I just ignore posts which become rather er, heated! I think GN seems mild compared to some social media, but I think anonymity encourages more rudeness than would be the case face to face.

Spot on Chewbacca.

I really think it depends on the circumstances BlueSky even the most robust can be genuinely distressed, especially if there's a sustained 'attack' by more than one poster that goes on for a sustained period of time.

I am still in contact via pm's from a couple of GN's who no longer post on the forum because of the nastiness they received grandtante.

It's particularly sad when that happens to people looking for support and advice. Of course, not always being told what you would like to hear is only to be expected but so often it's the delivery of the message that is upsetting for some.

IMO it's the nasty posters who sow discord and disagreement. If they didn't behave the way they do, there'd be nothing to discuss would there.

A generalised thread implying the OP is a nice kind person and others are not is not being goady??

Gransnet contributors usually presume people are not so much discussing ideas as expressing their feelings . The unspoken convention within Gransnet is that Gransnet is a medium for chumminess not for serious discussions of ideas.
Well you may think that, Alexa, but I agree with Lucca and don’t think that’s the case at all.
In fact I’d welcome more serious, dispassionate discussion (conducted in a civilised way, of course) and rather less airing of ‘feelings‘.
If ‘feelings’ weren’t aired quite so much there might be fewer of the snide comments which the OP objects to.
Perhaps I don’t go on the right threads, but personally I don’t see much unkindness on GN.

I don"t think it was a goady thread,but an observation,from a poster saying it as she saw it.We are , as some of you say all different, but perhaps more tolerance would help.