Gransnet forums


Uncalled for comments

(216 Posts)
Sarahmob Tue 25-Aug-20 09:51:27

I’ve been a member (although quite a quiet one) for some time now and usually enjoy following the various discussions, chipping in if I feel I’ve got some valid point to add. Today I’ve read a couple of threads and been a bit disappointed by some of the sharp and sometimes downright catty comments that people have made. Surely a little thought doesn’t hurt and if we can be anything, let’s be kind.

Maggiemaybe Tue 25-Aug-20 10:13:59

I couldn’t agree or disagree without knowing which comments you think are sharp and downright catty. Threads do sometimes get a bit heated but I haven’t seen anything like that this morning.

Sparklefizz Tue 25-Aug-20 10:14:14

I completely agree Sarahmob and sometimes I just look at a few of the names who are posting and decide to give the thread a miss. I've been on the receiving end of too many unpleasant comments in the past.

Cabbie21 Tue 25-Aug-20 10:18:00

A difference of opinion is fine, but being rude or catty, making snide remarks is uncalled for and offensive.

merlotgran Tue 25-Aug-20 10:23:41

I don't think it's fair for the OP to start a thread criticising comments made on other threads without being specific.

I CBA to play a guessing game or trawl through threads looking for the culprits.

This will probably turn into a thread about a thread/s and be deleted.

Oldwoman70 Tue 25-Aug-20 10:26:38

I am all in favour of strong debate - but sometimes posters seem to resort to name calling. This is a shame because it causes others to avoid a thread which means there is no proper debate just the same group of people agreeing with each other.

I accept that some are very passionate about certain subjects, particular politics, but it is possible to have a discussion without resorting to insults. I have a friend who I laughingly describe as being to the left of Jeremy Corbyn - I am more central neither left or right. We manage to discuss many topics, remain friends and respect each others viewpoint.

Sarahmob Tue 25-Aug-20 10:34:53

merlotgran I’m not asking anybody to look on other threads for the comments I’m referring to, and my post wasn’t started to be a thread about threads. Rather it was a general call to recognise that while we can engage in vigorous debate about any subject that interests us, people should do so in a polite way without making unpleasant comments.

Jane10 Tue 25-Aug-20 10:42:02

Every now and then a poster starts a thread like this. GN has clear rules. If you don't like a post or think it's offensive then just report it.

Marydoll Tue 25-Aug-20 10:42:56

GN is a melting pot of all personalities and mirrors real life.
Sarahmob, your request has been made so many times before, but sadly the nasties just keep on being nasty! 😒
However, they are outnumbered by the genuinely kind people on here.

merlotgran Tue 25-Aug-20 10:43:45

Exactly, Jane10

Preachy posts always get my back up.

Doodledog Tue 25-Aug-20 10:44:37

I’m sure that most people think that their own style of posting is reasonable, so suggesting that we should play nicely is rather patronising and assumes that you know better than the rest of us, Sarahmob.

What do you hope to achieve by this thread? People worrying that they may have said something ‘catty’, or others digging up threads where someone has disagreed with them as an example of ‘impolite’ posting?

This is a moderated site, and anything the moderators miss can be challenged by posters if they feel that lines have been crossed, as can you if there are particular comments that have upset you. Far better to do that than make vague insinuations, I think.

FarNorth Tue 25-Aug-20 10:54:47

It's unfair to complain that Sarahmob hasn't given an example as that would, of course, make it a thread about a thread which is not allowed.

I've only come on GN a few minutes ago and have already seen a snide uncalled for comment, in one thread.
It wasn't bad enough to need to be reported but may have upset the OP of that thread.
A couple of posters, however, did comment that it was unnecessary and unkind.

GrannyGravy13 Tue 25-Aug-20 10:55:44

Unfortunately Sarahmob there are some people who think being acerbic is funny, others are upset by their comments.

Gwyneth Tue 25-Aug-20 10:56:12

I’m a fairly newish member of the site. Most of the time I really enjoy reading the posts. However, I’m beginning to recognise the names of posters who are unkind and personal in their comments. Like sparklefizz I give them a miss as they don’t contribute anything positive or constructive to a debate they’re just plain nasty.

Maggiemaybe Tue 25-Aug-20 10:58:43

Some people really enjoy a robust cut and thrust, some get upset if anyone dares disagree with them, and the majority of us just sit somewhere between. Personal insults are never acceptable though.

Surely it’s always best, and only fair, to tackle any issues when they arise, on the thread itself. GN will step in if contacted if someone has genuinely crossed a line.

Chewbacca Tue 25-Aug-20 11:00:16

No idea which threads this can be referring to but, so far today, I've not seen anything untoward? Marydoll is right though, GN reflects general society; some weirdos, some mad heads who get their rocks off by being permanently outraged and a majority who are decent, friendly folk.

Maggiemaybe Tue 25-Aug-20 11:04:14

It's unfair to complain that Sarahmob hasn't given an example as that would, of course, make it a thread about a thread which is not allowed.

I don’t think anyone meant that she should. When I said I couldn’t comment on what was said without knowing what it was, I meant just that. If people are upset by something said on a thread, they need to raise it then and there.

Smileless2012 Tue 25-Aug-20 11:10:09

Challenge them or ignore them is the best way and be thankful that you don't know them in real life. I do wonder though if they'd say what they do if they weren't 'hiding' behind a user name.

Charleygirl5 Tue 25-Aug-20 11:14:01

I agree, Smileless there are many cowards.

Fennel Tue 25-Aug-20 11:17:50

Attacking the person rather than the issue is a common style of argument. (player rather than the ball)
To me it's a weak get out to cover up the fact that you'ce lost the argument.
Marydoll - I agree with your point too.

Alexa Tue 25-Aug-20 11:18:42

Depends if people are discussing ideas or , alternatively, expressing their feelings.

Gransnet contributors usually presume people are not so much discussing ideas as expressing their feelings . The unspoken convention within Gransnet is that Gransnet is a medium for chumminess not for serious discussions of ideas.

Illte Tue 25-Aug-20 11:20:33

Sorry, but sometimes the original post is just so awful that it evokes a shocked response.

And sometimes the poster goes on defending herself and her actions and people lose patience.

For some people the only acceptable post is the one that agrees with them.

Ellianne Tue 25-Aug-20 11:36:02

^Sorry, but sometimes the original post is just so awful that it evokes a shocked response.
And sometimes the poster goes on defending herself and her actions and people lose patience.^
I think I was guilty of that once Illte. I once started a thread with a provocative question to which I already knew my answer, and wouldn't budge on it. Lesson learned, silly!

EllanVannin Tue 25-Aug-20 11:36:31

You get to know the ones to avoid ! They report you as quick as looking if you don't happen to share their view.

suziewoozie Tue 25-Aug-20 11:42:16

Just another goady thread aimed at causing disagreement. As has been said, either report posts that you don’t like or get out of the kitchen. It all depends on context anyway.